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Original poster

To wish I’d spent more time running around in my bikini

62 replies

Whathappenedhuh · 18/04/2023 20:50

My parents have come to stay and brought a huge box of old photos, many I’d not seen. Pics of me in my early-mid twenties…I never considered myself a looker, I was ok and had boys after me, but wasn’t one of the *Pretty ones. I was looking at these photos and couldn’t believe what I looked like, the fresh skin and eyes, the hair and mainly the boobs and figure…why didn’t I realise I looked like that? Why didn’t I make the most of it, why did I lack confidence and think I needed to lose weight/look better.
I’m 45 now, puffy under eyes, v different figure, a few greys creeping in.
It really shocked me…just all of us, all young people just generally look amazing don’t they?
I wish I’d been prouder of who I was

OP posts:
5128gap · 18/04/2023 22:39

Of course all young people don't look amazing. No disrespect to them, but the vast majority look very ordinary, figures of all shapes and sizes, just like women of any age. Tbh OP if you think you looked 'amazing' at 20, then you're one of the lucky ones blessed with better than average looks. And while you may not think you look as good as that now, you're probably still above average, as few people go from amazing to awful if the raw material of good features and a pleasant body shape is there it might get submerged, but it doesnt leave you entirely.
If you don't like how you look, change what you can, but don't regret not running around in a bikini, you're not dead yet so there's plenty of time.

FlutterShite · 18/04/2023 22:43

I occasionally see pictures of myself in my early twenties and cringe at how grotesque I was. Pale, emaciated, terrible skin, no idea of how to wear my hair or choose clothes. My mother likes to share them on social media to humiliate me. At least I don't have regrets about not wearing a bikini!

MamaDollyorJesus · 18/04/2023 22:47

OP I often look at old pics of myself as a teen & think "I wish I was as fat now as I thought I was then"

I've never been skinny always around a size 12 in my late teens & twenties but I thought I was huge - looking back I was no such thing & actually had a great figure.

Going on holiday in June & trying to convince myself that no one gives a shiny shit (because they don't) what I look like in my swimsuit except me so just get on with it & enjoy myself.

mamabear715 · 18/04/2023 23:02

Like I say to my DD, don't worry about what people are thinking about you, because they AREN'T.
We all have bodies, none of them are perfect, I WILL enjoy the sunshine this summer, even at my advanced age! :-)

5128gap · 18/04/2023 23:20

mamabear715 · 18/04/2023 23:02

Like I say to my DD, don't worry about what people are thinking about you, because they AREN'T.
We all have bodies, none of them are perfect, I WILL enjoy the sunshine this summer, even at my advanced age! :-)

This is a good message.
I think that role modelling confidence and a who cares attitude is so much better for our daughters than this constant harping on about how beautiful their youth makes them, and they should make the most of it. The last thing a self conscious young woman needs to hear is that she's at her most beautiful. It won't do a thing for her self esteem as she'll not believe it; but more importantly, for many excellent reasons, we shouldn't be training young women to believe they'll be past their best before date by 25.

Lovelyring · 19/04/2023 08:44

I actually didn't think I looked that great in my youth. As a teen I was gawky with braces, frizzy hair, acne, and didn't dress for my body in a misguided attempt to follow fashion. In my 20s I was too thin and looked ill. I looked fantastic in my 30s!

Confusedteacher · 19/04/2023 08:48

Reminds me of the Nora Ephron quote: Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.

dudsville · 19/04/2023 08:49

My mum has always worried about her weight since having kids. We found some pics of her from about 25 yrs after her last birth, and she had a stunning, cracking figure. She was a real beauty. It's sad that at any point in time we might only see the parts of ourselves we wish were different, with hindsight we're reminded we need to focus more on appreciating what we have.

flowergirl2020 · 19/04/2023 08:50

Same here... if I had my time over again I'd have made more of wearing what I wanted. Xx

rattymol · 19/04/2023 08:52

I agree. But I am now in my late fifties and wish I had realised how good I still looked at forty. I still looked really young.
Wear the bikini now.

x2boys · 19/04/2023 09:20

ecently my sister posted a picture of me and my cousin on Facebook ,when we were both teens ,we both looked lovely ,just.naturally pretty with nice hair and figures ,it's a shame we didn't appreciate it at the time .

scrivette · 19/04/2023 09:27

Youth is definitely wasted on the young!

Farmageddon · 19/04/2023 09:32

Lovelyring · 19/04/2023 08:44

I actually didn't think I looked that great in my youth. As a teen I was gawky with braces, frizzy hair, acne, and didn't dress for my body in a misguided attempt to follow fashion. In my 20s I was too thin and looked ill. I looked fantastic in my 30s!

Same. I know the consensus is that we all looked better at that age, but I certainly didn't. And I have the photos to prove it.
I had braces in my late teens/ early twenties (couldn't afford them before then), wore glasses, my skin wasn't great so I wore too much make up to compensate, my clothes weren't great and even though I was skinny I didn't know how to dress or carry myself. I was embarrassed at having small boobs so wore baggy tshirts.

Now in my late 30s, I have a good skincare routine which means I wear less or sometimes no make up and have glowy skin. I wear contacts, no more braces so a nicer smile, I'm about 5-10 pounds heavier on the scale, but because I workout and do resistance training my shape is better and I'm stronger and more confident in my body. I get my hair done professionally and wear better (more expensive) clothing. I feel a million times better than I did then and I would rock a bikini on holiday this year, if I could afford to go on one!

We weren't all fabulous willowy young things I'm afraid, but thankfully I'm more than making up for it now.

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2023 09:36

I genuinely prefer how I look in my late 30s to my teens and a lot of my friends are the same, I never understand this obsession with teens and 20s being the peak of beauty. I hate hearing and seeing this from older men, seeing it in celebrity culture but now see it's from other women too.

Devoutspoken · 19/04/2023 09:37

In another 20 years, you'll probably do the same about photos if how you look now

Shufflebumnessie · 19/04/2023 09:59

I saw a photo of myself on honeymoon. It was 16 years ago & I was 28. I couldn't believe how slim I was because back then I thought I was chunky & ugly. I guess years of criticism about my body/appearance from my mum & years of bullying at school really affected the image I saw when I looked in the mirror.
Like you, I wish I'd appreciated what I really looked liked and not focused on the distorted idea in my head!
I'm now 43, the weight is creeping on (I'm trying to change that), peri-menopause is in full swing, the grey hairs are appearing and I've completely lost my way with style/clothing. I wish I could tell my younger self to stop trying to achieve beauty perfection and to be happy with what I had.

Worldgonecrazy · 19/04/2023 10:01

FKATondelayo · 18/04/2023 21:45

Get your bikini (when the weather turns). In 20 years time you'll be thinking why didn't I realise how good I looked when I was only 45?

This!!! And love your body enough to spend time looking after it so you have more confidence.

Pormoi have some beautiful bikinis - tray yourself!

Passerillage · 19/04/2023 10:08

I realised this when my daughters hit their teens, especially when I look at the girls in their school, who are all shapes and sizes with varying attitudes towards hairbrushes. They are all gorgeous. The simple fact of being that age bestows enormous beauty. I didn’t know this then and hated myself. Was convinced I was ugly and hideous. I can’t think of any photos of me at 14 or 15.

There’s a sweet scene in Schitt’s Creek where Moira is trying to find her youthful nudes online and tells Stevie to get photos of herself naked NOW because even though she is a mess (it’s still Moira, after all), she is perfect and beautiful and won’t realise it until it is gone.

SavBlancTonight · 19/04/2023 10:14

I didn't think I was fat, but I did have big breasts and I didn't know how to dress so was self conscious. I wish I'd known how to dress for the figure I had then. Ditto hair and make up - somehow, I didn't seem to have a fraction of the skill and understanding I have now.

I let DD experiment with make up and watch a few you tube videos. I feel so conflicted about it ultimately, I want her to grow up having confidence . I don't want her to feel she must wear make up, but if she does want to wear it, I want her to know how to do it.

MultipleVeganPies · 19/04/2023 10:20

I hope for you that your mindset changes like it did for me

At 40 I realised I was now "past it" and threw my bikinis and shorts out

At 45, I reversed that thinking and started wearing bikinis again, and short shorts, because what the hell, life's too short and nobody looks perfect

At 52 I now wear whatever and always tell myself I am looking great Grin I am sure young men don't find me attractive but that does not bother me. As to men my own age, pah.. they look a bit aged too. As to men in general, I don't really care what they think. I have a right to be here. Women? What do they think of my ageing body in a bikini? They probably don't care much neither

Not sure where this confidence/lack of fucks given comes from but I see it as the positive side of being a certain age 😊 I love being in my 50s and the perspective it gives. I also prefer wearing a bikini to wearing a one piece.

soberfabulous · 19/04/2023 10:53

Very much the same here and I was skinny as a rake with big glorious boobs!

What I will say though is I don't feel like being middle aged has to mean giving up. I'm about to turn 47, still exercise a lot, eat well, in good shape, weigh the same as I did back then it's just distributed differently...I'm probably healthier now than I was in my twenties (also don't drink booze which basically held me together back then!)

I live in a hot country and wear a bikini most weekends. Life is too short.

5128gap · 19/04/2023 10:56

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2023 09:36

I genuinely prefer how I look in my late 30s to my teens and a lot of my friends are the same, I never understand this obsession with teens and 20s being the peak of beauty. I hate hearing and seeing this from older men, seeing it in celebrity culture but now see it's from other women too.

I couldn't agree more. Its a horrible message from women to women.
People think they're being 'nice' to young women, with these compliments, but given youth is so fleeting, it's actually rather cruel, and just sets up the next generation of women to face aging with fear, and to expect and accept they will have diminishing value.
And anyone insisting that all young women are beautiful is, in common with many men, simply not seeing those who aren't. Their gaze is homing in only on those young women who do have perfect figures, glowing skin and so forth, and as is so often the case, those that aren't attractive are invisible.

WellTidy · 19/04/2023 10:59

I didn’t wear bikinis after my mid 20s as I thought I was so out of proportion. I needed a size 10 bottoms and a size 8 top. Why didn’t I just wear one?! I was really slim and looked absolutely fine.

Twenty years on, I remain ‘out of proportion’ (and am 2-3 clothes sizes bigger!) but have a very flabby belly (two c-sections and a big second baby). I know that I’m another twenty years I will think that I should have worn the bikini now, and yet I still feel that I can’t, and I’m much more comfortable in a one-piece even though when we go on holiday I am often the only person in a one-piece on the beach.

Crunchymum · 19/04/2023 11:02

I wish I'd been more confident, not in my looks/ figure per se but overall.

I went from a size 16 to a size 8 in my late 20's and that was probably the only time I felt anywhere close confident and comfortable.

I am mid 40's now and bigger than ever but I have had 3 babies and have an autoimmune arthritis so I have gained weight due medication. I am working on it now my illness is better controlled.

Crunchymum · 19/04/2023 11:04

I have a few bikini pictures of me in the period I mention and I look so happy and peaceful. My favourite picture is actually a topless pic (on the beach) I can't believe I was ever that comfortable in my own skin.

(topless pic never sees the light of day, except when I dig it out)