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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Resentment

37 replies

Mummy110121 · 18/04/2023 20:21

Please no judgement, just looking for advice

AIBU for resenting my partner?

We have been together over a year, i have a young child from a previous relationship. I work full time, studying a degree full time and i am a lone parent to a 2 year old. My partner started staying round my house around 6 months into our relationship however slowly progressed to staying at my house every day. He has only just started sharing the bills reluctantly despite him earning considerably more.

I start my day at 7am, my son does not sleep through the night so it really is a 24 hour job at the minute and struggles to go to sleep, with me often taking over an hour to settle him, with my “shift” ending at around 9/9:30pm.

My partner stays in bed until 10 minutes before he needs to leave for work, does not make the bed or do any sort of tidying in the morning, does not make my sons breakfast on the odd occasion, just focuses on himself and leaves for work.

On coming home, I already have tea on for us all due to working locally so arrive home earlier after collecting my son from nursery. my partner says he will do the washing up however often leaves it for the next day.

I bath my son myself, obviously, and then start the hour long settling my son to sleep. In this time my partner sits on the sofa downstairs playing games on his phone or watching football.

My partner leaves the house often to either play football on a week day for 2 hours or watch our local team as he is a season ticket holder, leaving for the pub between 1-3 hours before. He goes for long walks with his friends at the weekends or pops out to see his family for hours on end.

We did have an agreement that i would do all the clothes washing and he would clean the house every Friday as he has an early finish. This is rarely done and i would call it more tidying than cleaning. I also find myself blitzing the house midweek due to the overwhelming stress of the mess.

i have to think for him consistently, with him saying “if you told me to do something i would do it”. This frustrates the life out of me.

AIBU for resenting him? Or is it fair that my child is not his responsibility so it isn't right to count that workload and expect my partner to pick up the slack.

OP posts:

EscapeTheCastle · 18/04/2023 21:44

He doesn't even spend evenings or weekends with you? What am I reading?

You have accidentally become a maid for this bloke but in your own home!

It's not too late to get rid of this sad sack. Do it.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/04/2023 21:45

Mummy110121 · 18/04/2023 20:35

I did think that ending the relationship would be the best decision however whenever i bring up the issues he makes out like i am asking for too much

It’s irrelevant what he thinks. Ask him to move out-you will be richer, happier and your house will be tidier.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 18/04/2023 21:50

You are massively unreasonable to describe this man is a partner. He is in no way a partner to you in any capacity. Get rid of him!

UnaVaca · 18/04/2023 21:51

You moved someone in after just six months? 😲

dittbtdity · 18/04/2023 21:58

This isn't an equal partnership.
You're obviously not compatible.
Get rid quick.

Curseofthenation · 18/04/2023 21:58

I mean, I wouldn't expect loads of help with the DC but I would expect him to pull his weight around the house. When you say he is contributing towards the bills, does that include the rent/mortgage payments? I can't believe he has moved in by stealth like this! What a CF. Show him the door.

Bonbon21 · 18/04/2023 22:08

Just make the best decision... you know the one!
Problem solved.

mainsfed · 18/04/2023 22:29

Don’t bother trying to explain anymore, just tell him to leave and take his stuff.

He’s getting dinner, clean clothes and a clean house all done by you , of course ehe doesn’t see the issue.

Concentrate on your dc.

Murdoch1949 · 19/04/2023 02:36

You've got 2 toddlers to care for. He's got nothing to lose, you're like his mum, he does nothing and you do everything. How you coped with child, FT job and degree I don't know, but now this leech has insidiously appeared in your home. He's not your partner. He's a cheapskate lodger, just using you. Your son will be getting confused by him, he certainly doesn't sound as if he makes any effort with him. Why are you with him? He is just using you. He's living a single life with all his basic needs met by you, including sex on tap no doubt. Ditch him and find a genuine partner.

Goldbar · 19/04/2023 03:49

Mummy110121 · 18/04/2023 20:35

I did think that ending the relationship would be the best decision however whenever i bring up the issues he makes out like i am asking for too much

You don't need a reason to end a relationship - it's enough that it isn't working for you.

And you don't need his permission either.

FinallyHere · 19/04/2023 08:03

whenever i bring up the issues he makes out like i am asking for too much

See, this is working for him.

This is a man who thinks you asking him to make any contribution to your life together as adults ... anything... is asking too much.

His life is working for him this way.

He currently has all the benefits of an adult relationship with none of the usual adult responsibilities at all. If he is that kind of person, why would he want anything different

For you, though, I'd expect you to want something different.

Bambooflowers · 19/04/2023 08:06

I don’t really understand what you’re doing or your life choices. Why you’ve let a man move in when you’ve a kid , so early in the relationship, why you’re allowing him to treat rhe place like a hotel, do you understand why you’re making rhe choices you are?

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