To feel like I could abandon my child

[Applepiesmum]

I adore my dc I love them with all my heart but I feel like something may be wrong with me to easily feel so disconnected.

recently DH and I had an argument and I found myself contemplating whether I really wanted to be with them and I found myself just thinking about leaving them both he could have our DC the house dog etc and just walk away from it all.

I do 90% of the parenting and apart from these periods of disconnection I do think I’m a good mum I almost just feel like if he thinks he can do better he can.

but as I said I do think something is wrong with me to feel like I could do that? even after the argument when DH is trying to be nice or DC is trying to get my attention (even when DC has done nothing wrong) I’m not interested in being around either of them and expressionless with DC

For context DC is 1. I’m obviously not mean just less responsive

I agree with PPs that it sounds like burnout / being overwhelmed. I can understand in that moment feeling like you could run away and not look back.

Although it did make me wince a bit reading about you being expressionless with your 1 year old when he's done nothing wrong. I would try very very hard not to let your feelings show to your child when you feel like this.

If you were to actually walk away you might miss them terribly! You sound overwhelmed and like you want to run away. You can’t really know how you’d feel if you did that until you’d done it and been away for a couple of days!

Definitely get some help from the GP and partner to step up more. Maybe a night away would be a good idea for you if you can get a babysitter. Go and chill in a hotel, have a spa break to yourself and some much needed time out to work through this.

I don’t think this is you’ve burnt out etc if you’ve always been like this, I think some folks are trying to find an acceptable reason for it.

no it’s not right you’ve not bonded and don’t bond with anyone. However I don’t know what to suggest, I’m sorry,

agreed

mine are older and being honest I wish I had 50/50 contact with their father, it would have been my absolute ideal I don’t know why it’s so unpopular. As I said mine are a lot older though

Are you serious?!!!!! FFS!!!

Autism isn't a barrier to nurturing and caring for children. Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. Nothing about OP's post suggests autism.

Absolutely talk to your GP. This is exactly what they’re here for and not a waste of resources at all! They have actually invested a lot in CBT and perinatal mental health support. Please call them.

do you work? How have you ended up with 90% of the parenting load? Also would suggest discussing this with your counsellor- sounds like you’re exhausted and feel unsupported, which can’t be helping your MH.

Thank you for the replies I’m now out of that funk and back to normal but it is definitely sometime will raise with my GP as I want to be the best parent possible and present

You absolutely wouldn’t be wasting the GP’s time. To have a parent become “expressionless” and seemingly switch off their emotions is incredibly damaging for a child - even a baby - and you need to do something to address that. It sounds like it also impacts other areas of your life, and other people in your life, when you talk about ending relationships with friends and family.

^ this is good advice. Your ability to dissociate is useful for you, but not something that will help your kid cope with emotions and may leave your baby with emotional damage if this is your go to coping style.

This really resonated with me. What kind of therapy could help this type of personality?

If the cause (or one of) is trauma, which is often the case with dissociation, I would really reccomend EMDR therapy, absolutely changed my life

Just sounds like you're exhausted op

I get that some days but I know I wouldn't leave