To leave a 16 and 15 year old on there own for a week

[Madhousemam]

Hi all I need a bit of advice my ex has been abusive to me in the past and now we’re kind of on talking terms but he wants to leave the 16 and 15 year old on there own for a week so he can can go on holiday I’m not happy with this all ready said I will have the 2 boys but that isn’t good enough and now he is kicking off the 2 kids are in there final year of secondary school still and the ex is wondering why I’m saying no

I've just left my 18 and 16 year old alone for a week for the very first time. I would not have left my 16 and 14 ( nearly 15) year olds alone in the house though, no way.

Can you not stay in your ex's house while he goes away? If you would be willing to, of course.

Alternatively he could go away without them for a week during school holidays and there would surely be no valid objection to them staying with you then.

It all sounds quite bizarre what with his comments about neighbours, etc. What on earth are the neighbours going to do to upset him?

They are too young to be left alone for a week, no two ways about it.

I agree with you, OP. A week is too long at those ages. It would be better if both were 16+.

Call social services

Let him go and when you know he's gone - go and get your kids.

My parents started leaving me and my sibling from age 13 and 15 to go abroad for a week, we managed just fine, we did have grandparents about if needed, about twenty mins away by car or on the phone, granted this was in the 1980s. We just carried on as normal going to school etc

This. Assuming they will agree to it.

If the kids are responsbile and there are neighbours / family checking in and avaiable to them, then I don't have an issue with it. Many kids that age get themselves breakfast and off to school without an adult present to ensure they eat and get out the door on time. I can't imagine hiring a sitter for a 15 and 16 year old. That seems extreme. If you don't have adwquate housing and the kids don't wnat to be with you then you getting involved is only going to cause further issues. Why not instread take them dinner or out for dinner most days while he is away? You can be checking in on them and ensure they are fed.

I wouldn’t leave my kids home alone at that age. They were still coming on family holidays with us at that age and still want to do this now they are 17 and 18.
At 15 and 16 I’d have not trusted my dc at home on their own for a week. Not that I think they would have burned the house down or hosted wild parties (although I guess this could have also happened!) but the younger of the 2 would not have slept, neither of them would have eaten properly, they both would have had too much screen time and neither of them would have interacted with the other. It would have been very irresponsible of me to have left them at those ages. A night I’d not have minded but not a week.

Absolutely not, no.

They need to be at yours for the week.

I have a couple of boys that size, and I wouldn't in a million years.

Unless I wanted a week long party and the house to be totally fucked when I got back.

Just back from a week away.. 2 dd's 16 and 17 stayed home. With 2 adult siblings checking on them every day! They are both self sufficient girls. Your ds's sound too young and immature to be left...When my dd's were under 16 adult dc slept over every night if we were away.

First, I'm really sorry to read what a hard time you had and how he's still behaving towards you.
Assuming there's no court orders etc preventing it, I'd encourage them to come to yours. Do you think they would if you asked?

I think it would also be worth contacting SS if they are already involved and you were able to take them. It should be put in the records that he plan to leave them unaccompanied.

Have you been in touch with Women's Aid at all? They cant give legal advise but can help you understand your rights and signpost you where needed. Their site has a great discussion forum too.

God no. I've only left my 15 year old for 4 hours in the eve and even then I check on him by phone.

I can't understand why the weeks can't be juggled so they're with the other parent when one is away. Isn't it one of the few benefits of having parents living separately?

What else is going on here?
you have no court order but SS have been involved
he’s absolutely awful in terms of how you’ve described him but you are clearly being abused and bullied by him.
you are their mother, so why can’t you have them or look after them. Even if you do live with your mother?

he doesn’t get to fuck off on holiday and dictate everyone else’s waking move. That applies to you and the kids.

I have sons of the same ages. Not a chance I’d leave them home alone!

They definitely should not be left for a week alone, but it doesn't sound as if he or the boys will listen to you. The boys will relish the freedom, have open house etc and get up to god knows what. You could inform SS but with their ages they may not bother. I would definitely inform SS though, and the school.

It depends on the kids I would of left ours for 3/4 days couldn’t honestly answer about a week

Your ex is leaving himself open to prosecution for neglect if police and social services get involved, especially when you have already offered to have them. This is a screen shot of the government's own web page endorsing the NSPCC advice to never leave an under 16yo alone overnight. You need to keep pushing and if he insists on leaving you need to go and get them and remove them to your home until he returns.