To not want to go because of this?

[Rainfull091]

Cousin is getting married soon. We are not really that close.
Anyway I am dreading it as am 38 and so pushing 40, single, no kids and not doing too great career wise. I don't want people asking me questions about my life and then them being awkward when I answer. I also get told I have a strong accent even though I shouldn't have as am Kent born and raised.
Aibu to say that it isn't easy doing social gatherings when you are in my position?

I think it depends on how you see your "position". You're 38 and single and child free, which is really normal in my circle of friends, and an accent, which everyone has or one sort or another.

However, if you don't want to go, make your excuse and decline. It's an invitation, it's not compulsory and if you don't feel you'll enjoy it then don't do it.

Honestly if you really hate the idea of going... Don't go. If you aren't close your presence won't matter to the bride. Life is too short to do things you really dislike that you don't need to!

Eh? So what? Do those things really matter?

If you don’t want to, don’t! You do you

It does in my opinion as people don't know how to respond.
I don't know any other 38 year olds who are either single or child free. Just gets awkward as people always say
'Do you have kids?' I will reply that I don't.
Then they will ask 'Oh, so are you in a relationship/married?' I reply again that I am not. Then inevitably I will be told 'Wow. Well you are definitely not from round here are you? Where are you from? I will say born in Kent and never left and it leads to looks of bewilderment and shock.
Just feel like a weird freak to be honest.

This. Pretty shit excuses.

I don't think the problem is your 'position' it's your self esteem. You've asked for advice so at some level I think you actually want to go. The edge of our comfort zone is where the exciting things tend to happen.
Prep a few responses. People will tend to ask the same questions. How do you know the bride? Are you local? Those are easy...Who are you here with? Are you married, dating? bit trickier. Practice accepting a compliment....eg 'Oh I love your dress' - don't say '£30 from Newlook!' 'Really? I wasn't sure if it looked too....' - just say "Thank you, yes I love a floral print for a wedding/I've always loved lilac...."
Go OP. Get your hair done and enjoy yourself.

Surely there will be lots of relatives there who know your situation though. If you get talking to a stranger and they ask if you have children, say no but then say something positive about not having children, like being able to travel. Giving one word answers is always going to make for an awkward conversation.

Deflect the question. Most people like talking about themselves if you ask them. Respond with a brief answer then ask them something or make an observation about the wedding.

You're not happy with your life so you need to make changes, appreciate it's easier said than done. All of those supposed questions can be breezily pushed to one side or laughed off if you were inclined. You're 38, not 40 yet and plenty of women have kids in their 40s if they want them. You could quite happily be single for all they know. Only you have the power to change you life. If you don't want to go to the wedding you absolutely don't have to.

They’re making conversation and trying to find common ground, they’re probably not thinking too deeply about the answer. Just change the subject - ask them about eg their holidays/job/hobby/pet and they’ll probably ask about yours.

OP, try to deflect intrusive/personal questions with an ultra cheery "oh Lord, the less said about that the better!!" (with some dramatic eyerolls/hand gestures, if you fancy it).
I have used this to great effect in many different situations and it's useful because you are responding to a probing question but not giving anything away and people can then imagine/think what they like. Repeat as necessary!
Practise saying it out loud in private so it'll sound naturel when you come to use it.

What accent do you have then, may I ask? We

Take a friend and be open to meeting someone new?

I'm imagining you taking to these family members in a thick brummie accent now op despite you never visiting the area 😂

Sorry to be glib, I think what you are worried about are not major issues, however I always advocate for cancelling plans if you truly hate the idea of attending.

I’m having to talk myself into going to a wedding for exactly the same reasons as you, OP! Even the same age. I’ve RSVPd to make myself go. Good luck, but I think we’re both probably overthinking everyone else’s interest in our lives though!!!

People look bewildered and shocked when you say you are from Kent? This is nuts! And who says 'wow, you aren't from around here' at a wedding? Surely people are from outside of one county at a wedding.

If some says 'wow you aren't from around here' at the wedding, or anywhere, say something conversational like

'I live in Trumpton now but I'm thinking of moving nearer my job. House prices are great/terrible though aren't they! My friend just made/lost twenty grand on her sale.'

YABU

I mean, if you don't want to go, don't - it's an invitation, that's all - BUT the issue here isn't about you not having dc or a partner or not doing well career wise, as a pp said, it is about your self esteem.

Nobody else thinks not having dc is "awkward" unless you make it so with your answer.
So "Have you got any kids?" - you can answer "No, not met the right chap yet....." or "No, I'm young free and single me....." (<-- more upbeat ) and follow it up with the rest of the sentence ....... "What about you?". So you've deflected the next question or filled any silence that ensues if you just answer "No".

So what if you have a strong accent ? Since when has that been perceived as being negative by anyone else but you ?

Of course, you can also get in first with conversation starters.

It's quite depressing really as I've just been reading another thread where people were telling a woman that she doesn't need a partner or kids to be happy and that people are stuck in the 1950s for saying this is the only route to happiness. Yet here there are comments about me being open to meeting someone and making light of my life situation with jokes as if it's shameful that I haven't got a man or kids.
I just find it hard that I am so different to others my age.
As for the voice thing, yes, always get told I sound Northern but also had people definitely thinking I am from New Zealand or Australia. Gets very wearing after a while especially people's shock when I say I have always lived in Kent.

Do,you think maybe you view your situation negatively and you then perceive the reactions as something different, I mean you’re hardly in an unusual situation?

Go and throw yourself into enjoying it. Who knows who you’ll meet and you can enjoy unfettered.

I usually find that people that say things like that then go on to tell you ALL about it at great length!

Can you take someone with you as your date? A friend or something? Might make it easier!

I decided to have kids a bit later and I got annoyed by relatives at weddings constantly asking if we were planning to have kids. Thank god I didn’t have fertility issues otherwise I’d have been really put out!

You should probably just go. At 38 you’re definitely too old to be worrying about your accent though!

I get what you're saying. I am in a similar situation. Mid-thirties, no partner, no kids, and currently not in a great place career-wise. The last part is the most tricky to me, socially, because that's what most people consider to be "safe" to ask about, and it's a common topic of conversation. So I sometimes dread going out being social - I would like to be able to think about myself "Well, I don't have a husband/life partner, but at least I have my amazing career!"
But it's not true, I don't have a great career!
But I still have lovely friends, and I still want to socialize, so before I attend a party or similar, I try to think of a good, short answer about my career, and if someone asks I give them that answer, and then I try to ask them about their life instead.

Won't you be with family who know your situation so wont be questioning you?