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Original poster

Teenagers driving dangerously and threateningly behind me...

36 replies

MsMarch · 18/04/2023 12:16

Yesterday, I was taking DS to his sports activity. It's a bit of a drive, including on the motorway and to get to the motorway we take a couple of semi-country roads where the speed limit varies from 30mph-50mph depending on where you are on it.

Towards the beginning of this, I was going at about 40 in one of the 40 zones and a car came speeding up behind me and was very close.They must have come up very quickly as I got a bit of a fright and gently braked - no slamming, on brakes, just a gentle brake, at least partly because I'd got a bit of a fright. I wish I hadn't done that but it certainly wasn't a dangerous maunovure. But that clearly annoyed the driver and he got right up behind me to make a point. We stopped at a traffic light slightly further down and I was able to see that it was two teenage boys (young men?). They were driving a small opal or similar and between that, a slight uphill start and me driving a much more powerful car, after we went through the lights I quickly got quite far ahead of them. However... they then sped up so that they could get up behind me and were driving super super close to me again. Like if I'd braked even slightly hard they would have ploughed straight into me.

I was forced to slow slightly as of course, I was worried that if I suddenly had to stop for any reason or whatever they'd fly straight into me.- had to do it gently as they were SOO close, they would have hit me otherwise. I did think about whether I should slow a LOT so that they would be forced to overtake but I was worried that a) it's a windy road and quite narrow so overtaking is hard as there was oncoming traffic and there's certainly no way to pull over b) they were clearly very aggressive and felt like being in front I had more control vs if they got in front of me and decided to play silly buggers.

DS was clearly getting a bit scared. I was less nervous as by now I was going a bit slower and quite frankly, if they'd hit me, me and DS would probably have been fine but I can't speak for them - they would have hit me hard in their tin can. I told DS that as there wasn't really an opportunity for them to overtake, if they carried on and followed us onto the motorway we'd call the police.

As it turned out, they didn't get onto the motorway and carried on.

was I being unreasonable in how I handled it? I didn't feel unsafe, weirdly. But there wasn't anywhere to pull over properly so they could pass and I didn't want to stop as I wasn't sure what they'd do.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 18/04/2023 12:35

If your dc could have managed to get the licence plate l would have called the police later. Sounds like you dealt with it as best you could. It's worse for them as if they continue that kind of driving they could end up in a serious accident.

hattie43 · 18/04/2023 12:52

These teenage morons in cars need banning . They are a menace and it's always the boys . No wonder so many of them end up wrapped around a tree.
Am glad you and your son are ok .

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 12:56

junebirthdaygirl · 18/04/2023 12:35

If your dc could have managed to get the licence plate l would have called the police later. Sounds like you dealt with it as best you could. It's worse for them as if they continue that kind of driving they could end up in a serious accident.

We couldn't get the license plate but honestly, calling the police after seemed like overkill. Although I guess if they regularly attempt to threaten/intimidate other drivers probably women maybe it is worth it? I don't know.

I told DS that teenagers often do stupid things and when he's a teenager I really hope he'll think hard about things. It's that belief that nothing bad can happen. I think that's why I wasn't as scared as I could be - I'm an experienced and competent driver, in a safe and powerful car. I knew that if they hit me from behind I had a much higher chance of being okay. But of course, they think they're invincible.

OP posts:
HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 12:57

I don't see how else you could have handled it. The safest thing is to let them pass but you didn't have that option, so all you could do to derisk the situation was gradually slow to increase their stopping distance.

Fatkittythinkitty · 18/04/2023 13:02

If there was nowhere to pass then what else could you do? But you seem to suggest you actively wanted them behind you as it felt safer which is odd? With dickheads like that I always get out of the way. They can wrap themselves round a tree if they want but I don't want them taking me with them.

Pashazade · 18/04/2023 13:04

I recently did a speed awareness course and you did everything right. Our instructor said that slowing down (creating a bigger gap in front of you) to allow extra response/braking time is the best thing to do when someone is tail gating you. This came as part of the discussion around why we sometimes speed, ie pressure from others. Horrid experience though.

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 13:08

Fatkittythinkitty · 18/04/2023 13:02

If there was nowhere to pass then what else could you do? But you seem to suggest you actively wanted them behind you as it felt safer which is odd? With dickheads like that I always get out of the way. They can wrap themselves round a tree if they want but I don't want them taking me with them.

Oh no, to clarify, I would have liked them gone. But, on a narrow road, if I had to choose them messing about from behind or them messing about in front of me, I'd choose behind as I then have more control

If there'd been space to force them to go around while also giving me space to get away if they started acting like dicks in front of me, that would have been different. To be clear, I am 90% certain that they were not interested in overtaking. They wanted to scare and intimidate me. Possibly if I'd stopped completely, they would have gone past (or found a way to intimidate me when I had no control?) but there was nowhere for me to do that.

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 18/04/2023 13:08

I think you did exactly the right thing. When someone is tailgating you, the only safe thing to do is to either let them pass, or to slow down so that if you have to stop suddenly, them crashing into you isn’t as serious.
Ive also done the same when I’ve been followed close behind - I find it such an odd thing to do, because in a crash, they’ll come off worse? And have to pay for the damage to my car as well 😄So what’s the point? Also, I had it once where I pulled over and then they drove along doing a weird stopping and starting thing, I guess to unnerve me or something? Anyway I got my son to take a photo of the licence plate and we called the police about an erratic, possibly drunk driver.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 13:09

But, on a narrow road, if I had to choose them messing about from behind or them messing about in front of me, I'd choose behind as I then have more control

Nono, if you're behind you can control the gap which is the single most important thing. Always let them pass if you can do it safely.

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 13:10

Ozgirl75 · 18/04/2023 13:08

I think you did exactly the right thing. When someone is tailgating you, the only safe thing to do is to either let them pass, or to slow down so that if you have to stop suddenly, them crashing into you isn’t as serious.
Ive also done the same when I’ve been followed close behind - I find it such an odd thing to do, because in a crash, they’ll come off worse? And have to pay for the damage to my car as well 😄So what’s the point? Also, I had it once where I pulled over and then they drove along doing a weird stopping and starting thing, I guess to unnerve me or something? Anyway I got my son to take a photo of the licence plate and we called the police about an erratic, possibly drunk driver.

Exacrlt this. I assume they didn't even think an accident was possible. How they thought they would avoid hitting me if I'd braked even slightly harder, I don't know!?

And yes re them messing about in front. That was something I was afraid of. There was a brief part of the road where there are driveways (long ones leading up to big gates and mansions!) and I did think about whether I could try to pull into one. But I was worried that they'd then behave like dicks from infant of me and I'd still be stuck on a narrow road with no options and much less control over what happened.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 18/04/2023 13:10

A pity you could not get the licence plate, not sure there is much more you can do sadly.

Just hope the teenagers don't become the typical male BMW or Audi driver in ten years' time.

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 13:12

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 13:09

But, on a narrow road, if I had to choose them messing about from behind or them messing about in front of me, I'd choose behind as I then have more control

Nono, if you're behind you can control the gap which is the single most important thing. Always let them pass if you can do it safely.

If they had got in front of me, because the road was narrow, my only option to control the gap if they continued to try mess with me by speeding up and slowing down, would have been to stop completely and block the road.

On any other road, this is absolutely the way I would have approached it as there would have been options an most likely I could have got other cars between me and them.

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 18/04/2023 13:13

I think it depends why they’re tailgating - if it’s just because they want to go faster, then pulling over is 100% the right thing to do, but when they’re out to try to intimidate, then having them behind feels safer.

EarthwormJane · 18/04/2023 13:13

From the other drivers perspective:

The other driver approaches ops car from behind. Op slams on brakes because she thinks they're driving to fast, which pisses off the other driver.

At the traffic lights, op aggressively speeds off, and when other car catches up, purposely slows down enough to teach them a lesson, but not slow enough to allow them to overtake.

There's normally three sides to a story, but only one side makes op out to be the victim

WCRoulade · 18/04/2023 13:13

You shouldn't have braked in the first place. That's not great driving practice

Everything else was fine, they were just driving dangerously.

JassyRadlett · 18/04/2023 13:14

EarthwormJane · 18/04/2023 13:13

From the other drivers perspective:

The other driver approaches ops car from behind. Op slams on brakes because she thinks they're driving to fast, which pisses off the other driver.

At the traffic lights, op aggressively speeds off, and when other car catches up, purposely slows down enough to teach them a lesson, but not slow enough to allow them to overtake.

There's normally three sides to a story, but only one side makes op out to be the victim

Even if all this were true, tailgating is still not ok.

worktrauma101 · 18/04/2023 13:15

You did the right thing OP as per the speed awareness course.

Ozgirl75 · 18/04/2023 13:15

It’s actually perfectly ok for any driver to brake at any time - legally you can slam on your brakes if needed and the driver behind will be at fault 100% if they crash into you, because they are supposed to leave a safe stopping distance.
Might not be best practice, but the tailgater is always in the wrong, whatever the reason - there is no excuse for following at a very close distance.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 18/04/2023 13:17

EarthwormJane · 18/04/2023 13:13

From the other drivers perspective:

The other driver approaches ops car from behind. Op slams on brakes because she thinks they're driving to fast, which pisses off the other driver.

At the traffic lights, op aggressively speeds off, and when other car catches up, purposely slows down enough to teach them a lesson, but not slow enough to allow them to overtake.

There's normally three sides to a story, but only one side makes op out to be the victim

How can you aggressively speed off? What nonsense.

worktrauma101 · 18/04/2023 13:17

EarthwormJane · 18/04/2023 13:13

From the other drivers perspective:

The other driver approaches ops car from behind. Op slams on brakes because she thinks they're driving to fast, which pisses off the other driver.

At the traffic lights, op aggressively speeds off, and when other car catches up, purposely slows down enough to teach them a lesson, but not slow enough to allow them to overtake.

There's normally three sides to a story, but only one side makes op out to be the victim

Weirdest post of the day. Its never OK to drive dangerously. No matter who is at fault.

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 13:19

@EarthwormJane A) I didn't brake aggressively. b) I already said that my LIGHT braking wasn't the best idea but it was instinct as he had come up and was driving right behind me waaaayyy too close - I actually thought he hadn't realised how close he was (also, ironically, at that point in the road, overtaking is actually possible but he hadn't done that). He was so close that if I'd braked aggressively, he would have hit me.

c) I did NOT aggressively speed off. In fact, I purposefully and consciously did not do so as I didn't want to create more tension. When the boys got far behind I assumed they were also consciously trying to create distance between us.... until they came speeding up to catch up to me and then settled back down, inches from my bumper.

Overtaking on that road is almost impossible unless the car in front is almost stopped because for all that it's a narrow windy road, it's well used.

Also, be very very clear - they did not want to overtake. They wanted to intimidate me. There were probably a number of opportunities where they perhaps could have overtaken or at least made it clear they wanted to, but instead, they were driving right behind me while laughing, smirking and pointing at me.

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 18/04/2023 13:20

Pashazade · 18/04/2023 13:04

I recently did a speed awareness course and you did everything right. Our instructor said that slowing down (creating a bigger gap in front of you) to allow extra response/braking time is the best thing to do when someone is tail gating you. This came as part of the discussion around why we sometimes speed, ie pressure from others. Horrid experience though.

Slowing down to provide a bigger gap in front was also in the driving theory test when I took it.

worktrauma101 · 18/04/2023 13:20

aggressively speeds off interesting hysterical overthinking here that creates imaginary toxic scenarios purely in your own head.

😳

Original poster
MsMarch · 18/04/2023 13:20

Oh, and I should mention that at the lights, there's a brief moment where cars can change lanes and he could have overtaken me then. But he didn't. either because he was already pissed and wanted to give me a hard time OR because, as I originally assumed, he was driving a shitty car and he's young and inexperienced and doesn't have the skill to actually pull off and get moving. [shrug]

OP posts:
Supernova23 · 18/04/2023 13:22

Angry young men that usually collide with a tree at some point in the very close future. Shame you didn't get the plate.