To live in a flat long term (single parent)

[londonl1]

I’m a single parent to one DC, because of finances we have always lived in flats, London housing market is out of control price wise and availability wise.

I am on the housing list for social housing and have been for around 8 years - I am now near the top of the list, but 99% of two bedroom properties available are flats. I am also not on the highest band, so the occasional house which is available nearly always goes to the top band. I have been applying for the flats which are in nice areas with lots of green space, and trying to get one which has a balcony so we do have some outdoor space.

AIBU to just be resigned to live in flats forever? I feel slightly ashamed/guilty that I can’t give DC our own garden or house, I left their (abusive) father when they were a baby hence being on the housing list.

Also for background - in the private rent we are in currently, the landlord raised the monthly rent by £500 in January, so we really need to be out ASAP as I have been draining my savings to make up the increased rent amount. Maybe if things were better financially we could wait another year or so on the housing list, but it isn’t financially viable and I could really do with paying the social housing rent amount now.

I lived in flats in London for my whole childhood. My parents took us to the amazing green spaces that were available to us every day after school (weather dependent). We had a family dinner round the table every night. We spent most of our time outside of the house on weekends. I went for playdate at my friend's houses, some of whom had gardens. I played outside at school. I had a wonderful upbringing and don't for one second resent not having a garden. It would have been nice but that's life.

Except for when they are toddlers and want a paddling pool out, a lot of children don't bother with the garden. My GC haven't bothered with mine. It was more for my benefit that I could set up water play etc outside and get on with a bit of housework. Where they live the houses have yards, whereas the flats over the road have green space, enough for a big pool, or a bouncy castle, which they club together and set up. Look at what's available in the wider community. Our parks are safe (I appreciate that might not be the case for everyone) and it makes play more sociable. Flats are fine. It's more pressure on the parents, though.

You live in London. In my mind that means living in a flat unless you are loaded. It will be fine..love is what you child needs. Amd safety. Well done for leaving abusive partner.

Also, this. Well done for leaving. I also left an abusive partner when my son was 3 months old. It was terrifying. You are amazing.

There’s nothing wrong with raising a child in a flat; so many people do. If you make the most of the green space around you then it’s no different. I know plenty of people with gardens who never use them and don’t want their kids out there because either they don’t want to be out there with them or the garden isn’t in a usable state

Are you gor real? You live in London and you are wondering if there's anything shameful in living a flat? Really?

We are a 2 parent family with a very good combined income, and choose to live in flats in London. You have nothing to feel guilty about!

We have a balcony, there is a basic shared garden, the garden is maintained by a gardener. There is a lift, so we can bring heavy shopping/the pram up easily. There is some limited parking, but very few drive so not an issue here.

We have easy access to green spaces and parks.

If I was you, I would hold out for a nicer flat in a nicer area, if possible. Balcony and windows make a big difference. Lift and garden will be useful. Nearby access to tube and busses is a necessity as your children become teenagers and need to get to school/work. Be mindful of your own parking needs.

Pay close attention to the entryway, post box situation and communal hallways. You’re looking for clean and safe. Is there a tradesman button, what hours are they in operation, do your neighbours prop the main front door open (bad!), is there clean carpet (good), is the lighting in good order? Is the post put through your door or is there a locked pigeon hole? If the latter, do any of them look like they have every been broken into or tampered with? Is there a regular cleaner for the communal areas, regular gardener, are the lifts serviced?

Plenty of couples on two incomes can’t afford a house in London. You are being unreasonable to think it’s necessary for one adult and one child.

I think Britain has a weird attitude to flats. Its completely normal in lots of the world (including cities in scotland) to live in apartments. And its fine

Absolutely. I live in a Scottish city in a flat - there are very few houses in the city centre, so it's totally normal. Most have some sort of communal garden, and there are plenty of green spaces and parks.

Thanks for all of the replies! I’ve felt quite worried about housing in general this year and it’s been a very long wait to be in the position to have a council/housing association place - so really helpful to hear others views.

@CheekyHusky thanks for this, really helpful - I am definitely being careful with the flats which I go for, in my borough you’re generally offered them at the first official viewing if you’re the top bid, so I have been travelling to the flats to view them from the outside before bidding, and doing a lot of research on the area etc. There’s a really promising one which ticks all the boxes I am waiting to hear back from - brilliant transport links, lovely safe area (by London standards anyway!), excellent schools and a balcony/shared garden with a lift. Going to keep my fingers crossed!

Thanks @Frankenweenie , that’s really positive to hear

Nothing wrong with flats! Cosy and easier to maintain sometimes

I've lived in a flat for DS's whole life, it's housing association. I've never cared about having a house. Keeping the garden looking nice would just be another chore!

I feel slightly ashamed/guilty that I can’t give DC our own garden or house, I left their (abusive) father when they were a baby hence being on the housing list.
Read that again. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for showing your daughter and excellent role model, for showing her not to tolerate abuse for men and for keeping her safe. A garden, in the bigger picture is nothing compared to this. Don’t feel any shame, you feel pride!!

Many families are raised in flats and it’s absolutely fine. The bonus is you have access to green spaces like parks, which lets face it, that’s where they want to be anyway, but no maintenance.

Fingers crossed you find something suitable soon!

We are on £110k combined and we live in a flat (that we own).. would still live in a flat even if DH gets his promotion as we would have a baby and our disposable income would be swallowed up by £2k per month childcare fees and we wouldn't qualify for the 30 free childcare hours.

And it's not much better in the commuter towns either. I was looking at st albans and it's a flat too (though a very nice one!) But it seems silly to pay commuter fares when you are essentially getting a flat, might as well live in London. Anything further out and you would probably be paying £1k combined for commuter fares which seems silly.

However, having seen what my colleagues spend on their gardens (and putting in artificial grass to reduce maintenance and cost of hiring gardeners), I am grateful for my communal garden where I don't need to lift a finger and I can have real grass

Also in Scotland! Completely normal here, lots of the tenement flats have gardens which link up to the neighbours gardens giving a bigger/more sociable playing space.

Wouldn’t worry about it OP. If a flat with a communal garden is available, or one near a park, go for that, but there’s much more to a happy childhood than a private garden.

This. I live in zone 4 and my two bed flat was almost the same sq ft as my 3 bed terrace which has a postage stamp kitchen and no off street parking. There are advantages to flats.

It’s about providing a home, not a house. There’s nothing wrong with a flat, I preferred living in one as I felt safer (in London), it was so cheap to keep it warm and quick to clean! It’s much more important you’re giving love and time to DC

I grew up in a council flat. My DB,10 years younger, was barely a year old when we moved there, and they lived there till he was 18.

One of the things that was nice about it was that because all the kids played outside in the communal gardens, he always had a big crowd of friends. They weren't all just playing in their own gardens unless a friend came round for a "playdate".

*wouldn't qualify for 30 free childcare hours due to DH earning in excess of £100k.

In London, people who are in their early 30s can't actually afford to buy anything more than flats or houses in deprived areas if they are also paying full childcare and never got parental help to buy. Even if one parent is in £100k as you lose child benefit and free childcare hours.. You can work out the sums.

Tbh it's cos anyone below £150k or equivalent in parental help is 'poor' or 'ordinary' in London (esp if in late 20s, early 30s) and these days ,this means you live in a flat most of the time. I know of NHS staff who live in a room with their spouse and child so I count my blessings everyday. We are moving towards a future where anyone on £35k and below (and hasn't bought) would have to live in a room with DC and not just in London. As affordability in parts of Manchester is now worse than in parts of London. Telling people to move out of London or Manchester may not help as there may not be the rental housing available hence people on lower incomes living and sharing rooms. You are lucky to be able to get social housing just like I am lucky to own a flat..we are the winners of the UK property game.

What@DrinkFeckArseBrick said. We live in a capital city in continental Europe and my daughter has lived in a flat for her entire life, as have literally all the children in her class. They are intelligent, well-adjusted, and most of them spend lots of time outdoors.

Another Scot here, completely normal to live in a flat for us too - and actually, I think that's why our city centres are vibrant, mixed-use places - there isn't this idea that you need to move out to the 'burbs which leaves the city centre as a sort of weird Financial district with no-one there at the weekends.

That said - love, cut yourself some slack! You've escaped an abusive relationship and you're managing to keep a roof over your head after your dickhead landlord has tried to scalp you - that's stressful! It's no wonder you're stressed over your next move, but deep breaths. It is going to be fine. You're amazing.