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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum in hospital

48 replies

worrieddau · 17/04/2023 21:36

Just posting for some advice. My elderly mother was admitted to hospital a week ago after having antibiotics for a uti. She's only got worse since being in hospital - she's basically just sleeping, refusing food and struggling to take oral medication. They've had her on fluids.

I'm going spare that they don't seem overly bothered. Apparently the docs might start her on iv medication tomorrow.

Does anyone have experience of this sort of situation? It just seems crazy to keep on with the oral meds after they knew she was barely taking them.

OP posts:

Hairyfairy01 · 17/04/2023 23:15

Speech and language therapy

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 17/04/2023 23:31

Solidarity @worrieddau
My dm (80) was admitted yesterday. Not eating, high temperature of unidentified cause, and she's a chemo patient already... the hospital do seem to be looking after her reasonably well though.

Beautifulsunflowers · 18/04/2023 00:23

Speech and Language therapy

KnottyKnitting · 18/04/2023 00:25

My mum was totally doolally when she had a serious UTI once- I really thought she had had a stroke

KnottyKnitting · 18/04/2023 00:27

Sorry posted too soon- once they got her on the drip she was fairly with it about 12 hours later. I would push for more - it sounds like she is being neglected- hope you get somewhere - what a worry!

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 18/04/2023 01:04

Nurse here. I have no idea why they didn't have your DM on IV antibiotics before now.

Make your presence felt OP - demand answers and make it very clear what normal for her looks like.

If you aren't happy make a complaint to PALS.

I treat all my patients like they are my closest family and so should your mums treating team.

Original poster

worrieddau · 18/04/2023 07:34

Hugs @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads, it's horrible, isn't it?

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Original poster

worrieddau · 18/04/2023 07:35

Thanks for the advice, I will speak to the doctors today.

OP posts:

Hairyfairy01 · 18/04/2023 18:38

I hope today went ok OP and you at least got some answers.

bellinisurge · 18/04/2023 18:58

Hope it's gone OK.
Been in that situation myself. My advice is, as politely and respectfully as possible, be a warrior/Tiger Daughter on her behalf but not so your mum can see and get stressed by.
Dehydration can really mess with her and she doesn't need to see how stressed it might be making you.
Don't make it easy for the hospital to shut you out by showing your exasperation or even losing your temper. Be willing to be very persistent to advocate for her where necessary. She seems to still have agency but she may be scared and not want a fuss. Navigating that can be hard when you feel you need to fight her corner.
Also, I always refer to hospital as Planet Hospital. Time runs differently there and you just have to go with it.

Original poster

worrieddau · 18/04/2023 21:42

Thanks all. Things are looking better now, The questions were really helpful and it was nice to go in feeling prepared.

She had improved quite a bit today and we spoke to the doctor. Hopefully she'll keep improving.

I really feel for everyone who's been through this (and the hospital staff dealing with it daily) as it seems we are just constantly putting the system under too much pressure.

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Original poster

worrieddau · 18/04/2023 21:44

That is all really good advice Bellini, judging by all the posters stating "abuse will not be tolerated" it still gets too much for people.

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StrangeSally · 19/04/2023 01:43

Hi@worrieddau glad things are better for you, it's just so unpredictable as to what care you'll get, that's what brought on the anxiety in me. Sometimes it was brilliant and caring and sometimes it was absolutely the opposite. Good you've asked questions and feel better, but never be fobbed off , I was initially and had to grow a pair, because you do get fobbed off otherwise. Sad but true

EllandRd · 19/04/2023 02:34

Drs need consent to discuss anything regardless if you are family or not. Hopefully when they commence IV fluids, your mum will feel much better.

Original poster

worrieddau · 19/04/2023 19:57

but never be fobbed off , I was initially and had to grow a pair, because you do get fobbed off otherwise. Sad but true

I think this has happened a bit. It's really hard.

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StrangeSally · 20/04/2023 01:38

@worrieddau oh love I know what it's like .the first time you become assertive honestly you will become empowered. I know it seems like they are a hierarchy but they're not they're human beings, just stand your ground xx

StrangeSally · 20/04/2023 19:29

#worrieddau hope you're ok xx

BonnieBairn · 20/04/2023 19:54

I my experience it's really important that you make sure they staff know exactly how your mum was prior to the UTI. They are quick to just dismiss confusion, weakness etc as the patients normal so don't investigate properly. I had to fight very hard for my gran-in-law when she was admitted after going off her feet. She was mad within delirium but they just assumed it was her age. This was a woman who 7 days previously had been completing the times crossword.

Original poster

worrieddau · 20/04/2023 22:08

The doctor has questioned us as to her normal. She's on IV antibiotics now.

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Bababear987 · 20/04/2023 22:37

Hey OP the only thing I have to add to this is to be prepared that once someone elderly and frail is knocked over their baseline it can take months to get back to normal and unfortunately some people never do. Prolonged hospital stays and illness in general can lead to conditioning and sometimes this takes a lot of work to get back. That's why you often hear people saying they came out worse than they went in. Unfortunately they just dont bounce back as easily some times

Minjeata · 20/04/2023 23:06

I did tell them she needed to get better and back to her house where she lived independently. I pointed out she wasn’t ill or frail.

I worry that the UTI makes them very vulnerable to people thinking they are better off dead.

I will do everything I can to keep my mum out of hospital.

i wish your mum a speedy recovery.

Minjeata · 20/04/2023 23:06

My relative age 94 was living independently 3 days before she died in hospital with a UTI. Within a day they had her using a wheelchair ( because it was easier (for them)- so ‘she didn’t hurt herself if she fell’. She was an old, old lady in a ward with lots of oldies. No sign of a nurse anywhere but their station.
I did tell them she needed to get better and back to her house where she lived independently. I pointed out she wasn’t ill or frail.
I worry that the UTI makes them very vulnerable to people thinking they are better off dead.

i wish your mum a speedy recovery.

Original poster

worrieddau · 20/04/2023 23:50

They do seem to be quite attentive to her. It is tricky as her baseline has declined over the last few years, especially the last 6 months or so. This is quite a different stage though.

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