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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To contact headteacher at my DS’s school?

13 replies

Mumclub · 17/04/2023 20:41

My DS is 3 years old (4 in a few months) he starts reception in September but currently attends the school nursery full time. On multiple occasions since he started in September he has walked out at home time to me with a noticeable wet patch on his trousers from having an accident. I think this has happened 5 times at least.

On a few of the occasions I have just walked him straight back into the class room and said he’s wet himself can I go use the toilets to get him cleaned up. They apologise and say they haven’t noticed it or things like it must of happened in the last 30 minutes…

At home it is rare for him to have accidents, he does sometimes need encouragement when I can see him dancing around.

So AIBU to contact the head teacher about this? I don’t really know what else to do.

OP posts:

Icantbelieveitsnot · 17/04/2023 21:08

If you are sure he is being left wet in nursery than following the complaints procedure could be the way to go, but working with tge nursery to resolve tge issue might be a better bet. Do you think he could be holding it in and then relaxing when he sees you and having the accident then?

Weallgottachangesometime · 17/04/2023 22:03

Yea contact the head.

lokienji · 17/04/2023 22:13

I would! They should be reminding him and all the children while they’re still so young

AFineBalance · 17/04/2023 22:22

I would ask for a proper meeting/conversation about his toileting with the appropriate supervisor. Doesn’t sound like you have bought it up with staff properly yet? Escalate to head if you don’t get response you are looking for. My DS had minor accidents/leaks until age 7 which were often missed by busy staff. You need to flag as an issue you are expecting support on.

HazyDragon · 17/04/2023 22:23

Have you spoken to his keyworker or Nursery Lead about it?

In a busy school Nursery it's easy to miss things.

I would:

-talk to your child about telling the adults when he's had an accident.

Speak to the keyworker about reminding him to go to the toilet towards the end of the session. (Tidy up time for example)

I think going to the Head would be ott.

NeIIie · 17/04/2023 22:25

I'd ask for a proper chat with his teacher before I'd go to the head.

Hercisback · 17/04/2023 22:25

Going to the head is OTT if you haven't had a proper meeting with nursery first. All the head will do is get you and nursery to have a meeting. The head is for the stage after when the meeting isn't successful.

It is easy to miss things in nursery.

You say you prompt him at home, perhaps agree some times that nursery should take him to the toilet?

MelchiorsMistress · 17/04/2023 22:29

Can he talk to you about when the accidents are happening? It could well be that there’s tidy up time then some kind of a circle time and your ds doesn’t feel like he can speak up or do whatever he usually does at those times. You need to help him get the confidence to tell an adult when he needs to go and to tell them if he’s had an accident, even if it’s a busy time.

PollyPut · 17/04/2023 22:29

I wouldn't go to the head yet either. Request a meeting with their key worker or the class teacher first to understand what is happening. it will be documented. The head is unlikely to see you until you've done this.

Also make a note of the dates it happens so that you have the information if you need it. e.g. maybe it is one day of the week and you find a pattern linked to this

Hoppingmad231 · 17/04/2023 22:54

Why would you go to the head before even speaking to the teacher first?

PollyPut · 17/04/2023 23:30

Does he always have spare changes of clothes ready for when he's had accidents? Can he reach them himself or are they our of reach?

Make sure he always has spares (maybe several) so that he knows he can always ask to change.

Original poster

Mumclub · 18/04/2023 11:15

I have spoken to the teacher a few times since he started in September. They just outline what they do for example promt them to go to the toilet or speak with all the children at carpet time to let them know they can use the toilet at any time etc..

I spoke with her again this morning and she said at the end of the day they mainly do carpet time or all sit in the cloak room waiting to go home so I’m thinking he isn’t confident in a group setting just getting up and taking himself to the toilet. I asked if he could be taken to the toilet before this happens so he doesn’t get there then not feel like he can go.

Yes he always has a spare set of clothes in his bag, I have spoken to him about just going whenever he needs to, and as stated above I have already spoken to the teacher about this before.

OP posts:

solidaritea · 19/04/2023 06:27

Ask for a meeting with the teacher, not just a conversation at the door. Go in with an action you want agreed - eg. They remind him to go to the toilet every day, before the final carpet time. Explain that you are concerned about their care for your child and would escalate to the headteacher if the issue continues.

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