To ask for them to be split up?

[Schoolhelppls]

Is it unreasonable to ask the school to separate my child from another child? Other child has been the subject of complaints from other parents RE physical violence, language etc and we fear their behaviour is causing much of the same in our child when at home. DCs best friend is also exhibiting the same behaviour as our DC outside of school. Other child appears to seek out our DC and is quite overpowering with reports of our DC being dragged away from their friends against their wishes etc. The school is small and other child supposedly has a one on one. Just trying to work out if it's a reasonable request or not and if teachers would be happy to, or are even able to accommodate this.

What exactly do you mean by ‘separate’? Do you want your child to be removed from their current class and placed in a different one?

There is no other class, but being kept apart in terms of activities etc.

Perhaps have a discussion about why the 1-1 is allowing them to drag children around? Really my child's 1-1 would stop this

Yes. Ask. But don't let your DC be disadvantaged - they don't move the other child does. Be the squeaky wheel. Advocate and complain where necessary. Don't complain perse about the other child but emphasise the impact in your DC.

Thank you both. Short of moving DC we don't really know what else to do.

No, it’s not reasonable to expect your child to be kept separate. It would be worth asking for your child to move into the other class next year if there was one but if it’s one form entry then you’re stuck. It will probably be difficult enough for the teacher to manage class groups if she has a child with severe behaviour needs, and all children in her class are equal.

If the child already has a 1-1, then they should be managing the difficult situations more effectively. You can’t expect to send your child to school and have them never witness negative behaviour or children with special needs.

It's more than reasonable to ask that your child is not to be sat with/paired with a child being physically aggressive with them, and that they are safe inside and outside the classroom.

Don't make it about the other child, make it about the school's responsibility to keep your child safe while in their care.

My child has a 1-1 (not ever been forceful or violent) and I'd be horrified if they allowed mine to do this and as a parent I would want to know if they did. I'd also happily agree to separation from the child in question.

Thanks all. Useful to remember to keep it about DC, which ultimately it is. I feel so sorry for him. He gets so distressed by his behaviour. He's a really good, lovely lad and this is completely unlike him. I'm pretty certain this lad has a one to one as when we spoke about the language the teacher said he's removed immediately, and also mentioned that he's accompanied on the playground etc.

your dc won't catch sen so I doubt him being near him is "causing much of the same" however you can definitely ask school to make sure that your child isn't being hurt or upset, you can't ask for him to be kept away from your child, they wont do that anyway. Surely the 1:1 should be stopping/preventing any violence from happening.

"They don't move the other child does"
yeah, demand they segregate the special needs kids, seems fine
I really doubt any of this is happening the way the OP claims if this child has a 1:1
i also don't think you can really blame a child for your own child's behaviour outside of school.

My child is currently going through special needs assessments also 😬 no segregation of special needs kids over here 😁 that's me over and out anyhow. Just wanted to guage how it'd go down if requested. Cheers all!

I had to ask for my DC to be moved as they were being forced to sit next to a disruptive child. My DC was being used as a de-facto classroom assistant, and the school tried to justify it with me as my DC having a "balancing" influence.

I insisted my DC was moved, but it was a fight.

I think as a parent I might ask school to consider placing my child in a different class to this child next year. I would consider it a request only, even a plea. As there is only one class I think keeping the children separate is an unrealistic expectation.
Do you know who the class teacher will be next year? If you do, copy them in (with Head) to an email stating that you are aware your child's behaviour is deteroting under the influence of a classmate (no name, they'll know who it is). Say you're working on increasing his self assurance so that he can be more assertive when resisting this child's bad influence. You would very much appreciate the teacher backing your child up and reinforcing his boundaries so he can distance himself from his influence and benefit fully from his learning. I think that sounds more reasonable and implies a shared goal.
We spend so much time teaching our children about stranger danger, pants rules, bullying etc but we don't really teach them how to 'resist' fun but naughty activities with friends or how to not feel vulnerable to peer pressure eg 'Chicken! Are you scared? You can't be in our gang".Use the summer holidays to do this. Get him to practice saying "No I'm not doing that. I'm going to sit nicely/wait for mummy/ play with Ben"....with no further explanation. By the time he's 16 he'll be a MN graduate and can just say "No, that doesn't work for me" or better still No...after all, its a complete sentence.

I’ve had to ask for DC to be moved away from a disruptive child too. DC was quiet, studious, model student, and was being used to try and calm/influence the other child, as PP above has said.

I have many friends who are teachers and I understand the reasoning behind this, but it was making DC really anxious and disrupting their learning.

Teacher got it, they were moved instantly.

If its a small school with one class then except sitting them apart the school won't be able to keep them apart. Also teaching your own child to say no firmly and loudly if other child tries to physically drag them.
As for your dc displaying childs behaviour at home then you deal with that behaviour. Once the bad language isn't new and interesting it dies down
My own kids have sen and learned lots of lovely swear words and racial language that they learned at school from another child when they had meltdown (older siblings that they learned it from). At home we have agreed consequences when they use these words - time out, loss of electronics, extra chores etc.
We also have age appropriate talks about why racial and homophobic language is unacceptable.
You won't stop your child form hearing these words but you can explain why they cannot use them.

I think people could of a bit more to teach their children how to exist with all different kinds of peoples not just the perfectly behaved ones.
Teach them boundaries and inclusion.
one if my dc's best friend is the "disruptive" one of the class that all the other parents gossip about and avoid, my dc behaves perfectly at school and hasn't been "influenced" to swear or kick off or anything like that because that's not how it works.
His brother has additional needs so he knows how to be around children with additional needs and I think a lot of children would benefit from being taught those skills rather than just being separated from certain children.

Asking to separate two children because you think the other child is causing bad behaviour in your child and other parents have also complained about various things would be unreasonable.

It is reasonable to speak to the teacher or other relevant person in school and express concerns about your child's learning, ability to enjoy social time with peers, and their safety. Explain you would like to know that they are able to safeguard your child within the school day and outline the events such as your child being dragged against their will, with questions about staffing and supervision whilst this sort of event happens.

That’s one of the issues with small schools all the issues in one class and yr child will be exposed to them.
It that’s not wot u want mayb a move of school is wot is needed.

I’m guessing you’ve exhausted all other routes? If so YANBU. I see why others suggest a school move but I don’t see what lesson that gives to poor DC who’s not done anything wrong, oh it’s ok for someone to mistreat you you’ll just have to leave the school! I think definitely ask the school to keep separate first