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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say it's not that

7 replies

Rosebel · 17/04/2023 20:33

Often there are threads about useless partners who do very little around the house. Usually the response is well don't cook their meals or wash their clothes etc.
AIBU to think thats not helpful. If I have to cook for myself and the kids or wash my clothes and the kids clothes then
A I would still be doing the lions share and
B if I'm doing that I might as well cook for everyone.
What I want is for someone, anyone will do (apart from the 2 year old) to just decide to cook for everyone or do the washing or clean the bathroom.
I don't want to have to stop doing things for DH, I want him to realise I'm burned out.
He is home before me 4 days a week with no caring responsibility but when I get home it just seems to be expected that I will cook and get everything ready for the next day.
We've talked about it, had rows about it but nothing changes. He does do more with our son but I just feel like an unpaid maid..
Anyway DH is my problem but surely I'm not unreasonable to think that stopping doing things for your partner doesn't really reduce your workload or change things (my DH would probably just live on take aways and just do his own washing but no one else's).
Or have lots of you gone down this route and found it works really well.

YANBU nothing changes
YABU I have tried it and now we split house hold chores evenly

OP posts:
WindyWends · 17/04/2023 20:45

You could just do things for yourself - cook for yourself, do your own laundry etc - that way, you're not resentful and feeling used, as your partner can then fend for themselves.

Divorcedalongtime · 17/04/2023 20:47

I don’t understand why he can’t do the cooking for the family if he finishes before you?

mainsfed · 17/04/2023 20:49

AIBU to think thats not helpful. If I have to cook for myself and the kids or wash my clothes and the kids clothes then
A I would still be doing the lions share and
B if I'm doing that I might as well cook for everyone.

But why should he get fed and have clean clothes with you as his skivvy?

Do you not think that’s doormatty?

If you’ve asked him to change and he won’t then dump the knob.

You can’t be happy with your lot if you’re posting here.

Botw1 · 17/04/2023 20:50

You could leave?

Rosebel · 17/04/2023 21:18

I can't just leave and I don't want to leave. I just want him to help, he says he will but it only lasts a day.
I don't think going on strike is going to do anything. He will do his stuff (but not mine or the kids) so it's still not actually going to help me.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 17/04/2023 21:23

Why does he think its ok to treat you like shit?

WindyWends · 17/04/2023 21:45

Rosebel · 17/04/2023 21:18

I can't just leave and I don't want to leave. I just want him to help, he says he will but it only lasts a day.
I don't think going on strike is going to do anything. He will do his stuff (but not mine or the kids) so it's still not actually going to help me.

This is not a good guy.

Unfortunately you can't force him to help you, if he doesn't want to. Especially if he's used to you doing everything.

Honestly though just sort yourself out, and don't do anything for him.

Let him sort his own cooking and washing, for a start!

What are you hoping for from this thread OP? Lots of great advice and support here for you.

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