To change my mind/feel so bloody upset? I really need advice. Schools.

[YellowWool]

DS (4) has been referred for an ASD diagonsis. He is on a waiing list, but we saw a private consulant who said he was 'almost certainly on the spectrum'. He struggles with his emotions a lot, the main challenge is he runs away a lot. I mean he will bolt and keep running for a very long time.

He's been at private nursery (linked to a private primary school). They basically pushed my DS out (aruging that the state system is better equipped to support him) and I thought "well if you don't want him, then of course I'll find somewhere else"

We have a very good primary so close to our house. But I went round another primary school a bit further away just to see and met the head - she was SO good. Amazing. She understood our DS challenges and I actually cried in the car after the meeting as it was first teacher/school person I'd met who I felt was on our side.

We got the school decision today. And we got the one we wanted. HURRAH.

And now I've just been told the head is leaving. Being pushed out. No idea of the reason but basically that there is a big scandal or something. It's a local rumour but I was told in a way of 'oh we dont' know any detail but it's not good' etc.

I have no other info. But I just feel so upset. I'm trying so bloody hard to find the right place for him and yet, here we are, I've gone for a less in demand school than the one close to us - and I've screwed it up again!

Can I appeal even though we got our first choice?

I feel totally done in. Any advice? Am I over-reacting?

My son is already on a special plan by the local authority for kids with challenges and we had hoped to apply for an EHCP with the head/new primary. Now I don't know what the fuck is going on and all the mums in my village are so excited to be going to the local primary together and I've picked this random school a couple of miles away based on the head teacher being so wonderful and it's all based on bullshit!

I would appeal. Can’t hurt.

I can totally get why you’re upset. Maybe ring your local primary and see if there are spaces. You could go on the waitlist.

Regarding an ehcp, apply yourself. https://www.ipsea.org.uk/making-a-request-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

When my kids were little, I applied for their ehcps. So you could get the ball rolling.

What you need to do is reject your first choice and call the Local Authority, and ask to go on the waiting list for your new first choice. Living so close, you will be top of the list for any places they get when people accept/reject their places.

This is what I did as I also changed my mind. There is a lot of movement on school lists in the first few weeks/months after the admission results.

Having said that, you could try talking to the new school because it can’t just be the old head that made you feel so good about him going there. It is probably a really nice school and the rumour won’t be based on fact. I am associated with a school and rumours are rarely exactly true. Also, they will get a new head who might be great. Look at their SEN policies and talk to their SENCO.

Ask to meet the SENCo at the school he's down for. Take it from there. Good leadership leaves a legacy - it's highly unlikely for a great school for your son to turn terrible overnight.

(btw I think you were entirely right to get him out of a nursery that didn't want him, and to choose a school that felt the best fit rather than looking at results on paper etc. These places that feel right are often on the up, and can be a much better bet for a child with SEN than a school that rests on its laurels.)

Don't reject the allocated place. The LA has no obligation to offer another, let alone one of your choice. An ehcp will allow you to name a specific school. However heads do move on for lots of reasons, it does not necessarily mean the school will no longer offer the same level of support.

Just to clarify, I am not telling the OP to reject the place, just that is the process at this time of the year if she wants to get on a waiting list for a preferred school. After May, she would have to call the school to get on the list. But at the moment the waiting lists are in the LAs hands and there is lots of movement. I agree it is a risk.

I agree though OP, that talking to the school is the best initial plan as they will probably set your mind at rest.

My assumption after considering many schools for a DC with SEND would be that if the head and senior leadership are supportive and inclusive, that culture will be reflected in the rest of the school. It is unlikely to disappear overnight and the governors and SLT are likely to have that culture in mind when recruiting a new head.

Good advice to go and meet with the SENDCo and reception class teacher now you have been offered a place and see if you still get the same good feeling about their ability to support your DC. The SENDCo is fairly crucial.

Worth also (re?)visiting the closest school to see what sense you get from them if you're feeling unsure. You will be able to name your preferred school in the EHCP and you can request a needs assessment today if you like which would mean the process should be completed at the start of September.

I’m not sure an appeal is relevant as you got your first choice but of course you can apply to change school and waitlist your son. People move and spaces open up all the time so it is very likely you’ll get your local school.

however just because the HT is leaving doesn’t mean you’ll find the school a disaster, does it? The new ht might be just as good or almost as good

I definitely liked the school for lots of reasons - the kids in class seemed v happy, the ofsted is good, the teachers seemed v engaged.

But the headteacher was brilliant! And to be honest, it's this 'there is a scandal' thing that is doing my head in. If she is leaving happy and all fine - then so be it - but if she's leaving because of a major problem - well, that's rubbis & worrying.

I can see the other school from my bloody bedroom window. People travel far to get into that school. And I've chosen to go somewhere else because it was so so amazing to finally meet someone in a school who basically said "we will work with you and your son to get him everything he needs to be happy and progress" - and now not only is she leaving, but apparnetly it's for some big problematic reason.

I feel like a total idiot.

Can I go on the waiting list for the very close school without officially declining the school we got?

I don't want to decline it in case they put us somewhere else entirely!

What you need to do is reject your first choice and call the Local Authority, and ask to go on the waiting list for your new first choice.

😐

Make an appoint to see the school SENCO, it would be them helping ur child not the Head.

You will be amazed by the different rumours that circulate when schools makes changes, staff leave. Most of the rumours end up just being that and based on some random rubbish.

Sorry OP, @GCWorkNightmare is right you shouldn’t reject the place, but as I recall you need to contact the LA at the moment if you want to go on a waiting list for another school. At least that’s what I did, but I misremembered the order I did things in. I then rejected the first offer once the new place was secured.

My main point really was all may not be lost if you want to try for a place at the school near you. My LA were really helpful when I rang them for advice (in a panic).

Hope you get it sorted either way! Don’t fret about your first choice til you have spoken to them though.

I've had 2 occasions when school rumours were that there were scandals of staff leaving. on one occasion I was "reliably" informed that the head's office had been blocked off with police tape.
Except it wasn't. I'd been in on the day and definitely nothing like that.

In both situations I had inside knowledge and neither had anything scandalous in any shape or form.

If you liked the school, there's a good chance that although the head had some influence, the SENCO etc will still be working similarly. I'd stick with it.