Should I visit my partners family?

[Nntk]

I have been with my partner just under 2 years and we have a almost 1 year old. I feel we have a good ish relationship and he’s a great father, however he’s not from the UK he’s from an Arabic Muslim country. He wants us to travel together as a family to visit his mother he says is I’ll (it wouldn’t be the first time he’s lied about something) for a week or two. I usually wouldn’t have a problem with this but how? We are not married I’m not Muslim I know nothing about his country how safe it is it’s laws etc, I’ve been in a DV relationship and I have ptsd and anxiety from other events, it’s hard for me to trust and I just can’t bare the thought of putting myself and our babies lives completely in his hands.. he hasnt really given me any reason as to why not, I’ve spoken to his family and his sisters wants to come here to meet us. I really just can’t comprehend it but it’s breaking my heart, he doesn’t really have anyone here and i know how much it means for his mum to meet our child and I can’t stop thinking about if the shoe was on the other foot, if she was to pass soon and they haven’t met would that then be on me forever?😭

I would research the laws in that country were he to say you couldn't bring your child back if he wanted to stay.

Yikes that’s a tough one. Personally I wouldn’t reading the OP the first thought in my mind was ‘Not Without my daughter’ If you as a female don’t have rights in this country I wouldn’t go.

Is there somewhere, another country both families can meet up in the middle for a joint holiday.

That must be a very tough situation for you

No way. I wouldn't think he intended coming home again.

surely when you got with your partner and decided to have a child with him you'd have known that he'd want to take you and his child back to his homeland to meet his family as any proud father would. surely you must know somethings about his country of origin is it a safe country at the moment or is there conflict and war on at the moment?
I should imagine he wouldn't put you and his child at risk if he didn't think it was safe to take you both there.

How do you know nothing about his country? Library? Google?

How do you have a child with someone and not take the time to know the fucking basics?

Nope. No fucking way. Don't even consider it. You could go there with your child, and depending on that country's laws, you could be prevented from leaving with your baby. The risk is far too big.

What the fuck??? You know nothing about this guy. Because OP doesn’t know anything about him …

I got pregnant like 3 weeks being together, English isn't his first language, I've have googled it and done my research but no it doesn't really fit to everyone's situation. What do you think this is? Getting other peoples opinion, who knows someone on here could of been in the same situation and have experience.

I say this with love and a full acknowledgement on the irony of this statement. But getting advice on a situation like this from fucking Mumsnet is bonkers.

Do you think this is my first and only place to come too? Obviously not. I don't really have anyone else to ask and don't really know anywhere else to go

Also, it’s been two years at this point, even if you only knew him three weeks before getting pregnant.

Own your situation. Do some fucking research - and Mumsnet is not research.

Never been an issue before for me to do so, I've got a lot of shit on to be keeping my mind occupied and he's only asked last week get a fucking grip. Even if I did my research at 3 weeks, there would still be a point where I don't know this information. I am owning my situation, I'm trying to seek advice from reel people, from mothers and not Google. You sound as pathetic as your username

All I know is stories from papers in that country in particular where the children dont seem to come back.

What else has he lied about?

This all sounds very odd. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about this but if you have doubts and he’s your partner then I definitely have doubts. You aren’t married and even if you were, in some countries as a father he has all rights by default. You should be able to find out online readily enough. However even if he doesn’t have the right to retain the child in his country of origin, you could have a hell of a job getting your child back to the U.K. if he refuses to cooperate. It could take a lot if time and money.

Does your child have a British passport only? Does he have your surname or his father’s?
Please don’t stay with this man in any event. I don’t see how you can when you have this level of mistrust in him.

I’m aware that my posts weren’t helpful (except to remind OP that Mumsnet isn’t fucking research) but this comment is something else! So specific and non sensationalist. Good job.

Just listen to @LightDrizzle She’s nicer than me but being sensible as fuck.

Which country, in particular, is that?

I appreciate what you're saying and I'm already very aware of that but your just coming across as rude and judgemental as fuck, I get that it may seem dumb to others but my head and my heart are torn and maybe even needed someone to confirm that it is dumb and I'm not just crazy. You know when you suffer from mental health you will second guess everything. I know Mumsnet is not research, but when you're in a hard place it's nice to hear an opinion from real people, not being swore stand made to feel stupid

Yep I'd be very, very careful here. My friend is in an almost identical situation and to this day, is stuck on the other side of the world. The moment she landed in that country, her 'partner' became the ONLY parent with rights. So now the ONLY way she can come back to the UK is if she leaves her child there. She is fucking miserable and is facing another 13 years there until her child becomes an adult and is able to leave without his permission and of course, that's only if they themselves choose to.

All because she thought she was doing the right thing.

I also have a relative who moved to the US and got married. They had two children and later divorced. It wasn't an amicable split and now because of US laws, even though they both have parental rights in the US, she cannot even take her child to another state, let alone VISIT home (or any other country) without his permission! Which of course he is flat out refusing in case she never returns - which I suppose you can understand to a certain extent