Ex badmouthing me to DC

[Helodie]

Posting for traffic as having a bit of a meltdown and need some support.

Divorcing but still in the same house. Court hearing this week. Just overheard this conversation between STBXH and DC who is 6:

DC - What’s that?
Ex - It’s for court
DC - what’s court?
Ex - It’s where people fight.
DC - Why you fighting?
Ex - Mummy wants to fight me
DC - Why?
Ex - She wants me to move out of the house because she doesn’t like me
DC - don’t go

We are divorcing because he was emotionally abusive (I think, but am full of self-doubt). I have tried to mediate but he has rejected a few mediators. I want to move out. I am trying to formulate an offer that means he can keep the house but finances don’t seem to allow.

A few months ago he told the kids I was a bully because I didn’t agree to his last minute plans for Christmas (after he had ignored my emails about Christmas for over a month).

I have tried so hard not to badmouth him, even though he hasn’t spoken to me or even looked at me, even in front of the kids, for a year. Obviously they know that we aren’t doing stuff together any more but haven’t told them about anyone moving out as I thought best to do that when it is imminent.

I feel so broken that he is talking about me like this to our DC.

Any support would be really welcome.

Hopeful bump

What ever you say has to be age appropriate.

I'd say 'Sometimes, when one grown up wants one thing and the other grown up wants another, court is where they go to get things decided. Mummy & Daddy will go and the court will decide what's best.

But it's not something we have to worry about, and whatever happens, we'll work it out."

There is a difference between bad-mouthing and being open and honest with your children.

They will fill the blanks in on their own, often with guilt, or your STBXH will fill them in for them.

I would sit my child down and explain things as accurately as possible.

“Mummy and daddy both love you, but mummy feels sad living with daddy. Mummy wants to be happy so daddy needs to move out. When he moves out mummy won’t be sad anymore and even though things will be different and it might be hard at first but we will both still love you. Anytime you feel sad, come and talk to me about it.”

If your child has questions, talk only in your pov.
“How does daddy make you sad?”
”I feel rubbish when he talks to me. I don’t want to feel rubbish because I’m trying my best to be a good mummy”