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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To encourage dd13 to stick up for herself

12 replies

Greyhairedlady · 16/04/2023 19:51

In friendships ? I’m not talking arguing but I feel she needs to stop allowing things to happen.
long story short dd has a ‘friend’ who she loves to bits but said friend is quite jealous having said she thinks the boys like dd including the one she likes.
dd was going out with someone who this girl then told dd had ‘cheated’ this boy then became angry and posted all over social media that calling dd names. Dealt with this and he eventually apologies. This friend then said she liked the boy.

the friend has now told another boy who dd was friends with the same thing causing him
to be angry. Iv now said to dd I don’t want her talking to boys on WhatsApp or be involved with this friend as she is being outright nasty. Dd wants to just let it go because she says she likes her friend more than the boys. To me this is horrid behaviour thoigh she is trying to give dd a name for herself. Iv said I won’t have this girl in my house anymore as I can’t encourage the friendship any longer and dd is very upset!
iv probably done the wrong thing but this girl won’t stop and whose to say the next time it won’t go that step further and dd will get hurt potentially physically? . I’m furious!

OP posts:
Greyhairedlady · 16/04/2023 19:52

So aibu is have I done too far telling dd I won’t allow the friend round?

OP posts:
Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 19:55

Sorry, but punctuation in your first para would've made it so much easier to read!
She needs to understand that the other girl isn't her friend and keep her away from her relationships.

Greyhairedlady · 16/04/2023 19:59

Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 19:55

Sorry, but punctuation in your first para would've made it so much easier to read!
She needs to understand that the other girl isn't her friend and keep her away from her relationships.

Sorry angry typing in the bath!

i wish I could make her see this! Unfortunately iv just made her upset with me

OP posts:
Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 20:05

Greyhairedlady · 16/04/2023 19:59

Sorry angry typing in the bath!

i wish I could make her see this! Unfortunately iv just made her upset with me

I think it's the age factor playing here. She will feel that anything you do is against her. But, we need to keep our children's welfare as priority. She'll come around. Maybe reduce the frequency of visits to bare minimum first and then eventually cut off?

NancyJoan · 16/04/2023 20:12

Fine to say you don’t want this girl in your house. Your DD is 13, tell her to step away from this girl AND the boys. Plenty of time for that!

Oblomov23 · 16/04/2023 20:14

Too young for boys! Not too young to have self respect and proper friendship boundaries. The fact that she can't see that this girl is not nice, means that her emotional intellect is not as good as it should be and that is worrying.

Greyhairedlady · 16/04/2023 20:34

She does know the behaviour is wrong but she says she doesn’t want to fall out with anyone. She has a thing where she does avoid any type of confrontation

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 16/04/2023 20:45

Why is she 'seeing' anyone, she's a child

IamnotSethRogan · 17/12/2023 09:23

The op is showing a normal.level of concern. I have a son the same age and parties with alcohol aren't on his radar at all yet.

cansu · 17/12/2023 09:26

Interfering in teen relationships is really not a good idea unless it is v serious. You will make things worse and you will stop your dd from confiding in you. It would have been better to wonder innocently why your dds friend has contributed to this drama. Eventually it will either improve as they both mature or they would drift apart.

cansu · 17/12/2023 09:28

By the way not allowing her round will mean your dd sees her elsewhere. You are also causing issues within the friendship group. Some of the other girls might side with the friend and not your dd. Is this the best for your dd? She seems to have handled in a low key more mature way than you!

TiredOfYourNonsense · 17/12/2023 09:34

They're all children. To say your DD was "going out with" some boy is daft. Kids all fall out with each other on a regular basis. Leave them to it, it's all just childish behaviour.

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