MIL always asking for money

Puttingmyfootdown · 2023-04-16T18:19:15+00:00

Just that really. MIL currently owes us £12,000 She earns more than myself and DH put together because she works 2 jobs cash in hand but cannot manage her money for sh*t and also pays a huge loan back to a local loanshark with extortionate interest. Daily drinking and smoking doesn't even attempt to cut back Every month she asks to borrow more, I normally agree with DH that we have to help as long as the small amounts are paid back on pay day, they always are. We even took out a loan in my name for her last year which was meant to solve her issues. AIBU to just say a flat NO every time from now on?

Bonbon21 · 16/04/2023 19:26

Your HUSBAND tells her that from now on you cannot afford to lend her any money at all.
And stick to that.
Her financial problems are her responsibility.

Jeschara · 16/04/2023 19:28

No everytime from now on, she chooses to drink and smoke, no judgement its her life style choice but she needs to pay for it.
She is seeing you as a cash cow, or a mug. Stop enabling her.

OrigamiOwls · 16/04/2023 19:29

Absolutely stop enabling her! She's got no incentive to sort her money issues out when you keep giving her handouts whenever she wants.

Turnthelightoff · 16/04/2023 19:30

Sorry we cannot afford to give you any more money. If she says it’s a loan, you say it clearly is with the amount already owed.

Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 19:31

I feel for you. We are in a similar situation but much worse. My husband's entire family lives off us. 3 siblings, their OHs and children and MIL. It is difficult for us to say No but he's the youngest and still have to take care of the entire fam. We've started asking a lot of questions when they ask for money. That saves us from paying up at least 2/5 times. There's no chance we're getting a penny back.

BMW6 · 16/04/2023 19:31

Well you're never going to get any of that £12000 back!

You have a choice. Continue to give her your money, or stop (DH must be the one to tell her).

But as I say, kiss the 12k goodbye forever.

TomatoSandwiches · 16/04/2023 19:33

I can not believe you took out a loan in your name to give her money.
Why not your husband btw, not that he should be doing that either.

Northernsouloldies · 16/04/2023 20:29

Not another penny.

Original poster

Puttingmyfootdown · 19/04/2023 07:53

Thank you all this is the reassurance I needed to stand up to my husband and say no more lending.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 19/04/2023 08:07

You need to tell your husband any money he can afford to loan her needs to go to.clearing that loan in your name. And she needs to have a repayment plan - on pay day - to start clearing the £12k. No more messing about.

LittleOwl153 · 19/04/2023 08:08

Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 19:31

I feel for you. We are in a similar situation but much worse. My husband's entire family lives off us. 3 siblings, their OHs and children and MIL. It is difficult for us to say No but he's the youngest and still have to take care of the entire fam. We've started asking a lot of questions when they ask for money. That saves us from paying up at least 2/5 times. There's no chance we're getting a penny back.

Stop asking questions.... just say NO!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/04/2023 08:16

Itstoughbeingamom · 16/04/2023 19:31

I feel for you. We are in a similar situation but much worse. My husband's entire family lives off us. 3 siblings, their OHs and children and MIL. It is difficult for us to say No but he's the youngest and still have to take care of the entire fam. We've started asking a lot of questions when they ask for money. That saves us from paying up at least 2/5 times. There's no chance we're getting a penny back.

Totally ridiculous 🤯

Ponoka7 · 19/04/2023 08:20

In the long term you are doing her no favours. I don't know how old she is but it gets more difficult to work yourself out of debt as you get older. If she is a daily drinker then her decision making isn't going to be the best. She isn't going to give up addictions while you prop her up.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 19/04/2023 08:46

I would, with DH, tell her that there will be no more money. If you don't, you risk her saying she's desperate and why didn't you say and this will be the last time etc etc. I can't believe you actually took out a loan to give her the money. You should be wary that your DH might agree with you, but carry on funding her anyway.

rumpsteak · 19/04/2023 09:23

How have you let it get to 12k? I'd not be lending her anything again and I'd be demandinga repayment of what had already been loaned.

Skybluepinky · 19/04/2023 09:27

Hubby should be telling her no.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 19/04/2023 09:34

Your DH needs to tell her no more and look into getting her help with managing her money so she can pay back you and the loan shark. She is never going to change until she has to, and what happens when she can't physically or mentally work two jobs any more? Move in with you? Actually sitting down with a stranger and seeing where her money goes may give her a shock when she sees how much is literally going up in smoke.

EyesOnThePies · 19/04/2023 09:39

We even took out a loan in my name for her last year which was meant to solve her issues.

Good grief! OP, it’s your debt, not ‘in your name’.

Not a penny more.

In your shoes I would be building up savings in a sole account. Your DH is part of the problem.

He needs to tell her not a Penny more. That the only help you will give her now is budgetting advice and referral to advice agencies.

Beaverbridge · 19/04/2023 09:41

No, stops now. She's an adult, time she stood on her own.

moonspiral · 19/04/2023 09:41

You've taken out a loan for her? You are in serious shit and need to get that paid off. Your DH is using you.

midlifecrash · 19/04/2023 09:44

Op it sounds like something else is going on. Gambling? Whatever it is don’t go into debt for it

ZekeZeke · 19/04/2023 09:53

You and your DH are enabling her.
You need to sit down with your DH and have an open discussion on this.
He needs to speak with his mother and tell her no more!
While she drinks smokes and who knows what-total CF

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/04/2023 10:12

If you were massively rich and ten grand here or there were back-of-the-sofa change for you, I'd say let it slide; but the fact that you've borrowed money and are paying interest on it (as well as repayment of the capital) to (let's be honest) give to her - when she already out-earns you - is horrifying.

Sad to say, but if she's already in the loan-shark ecosystem, these people work on threats, intimidation, blackmail, violence and all kinds of nasty tactics to get their money back - or rather to get extortionate amounts of 'interest' without ever settling the loan obligation - which means that you both just asking her nicely if she could please pay you back some of it soon, or even saying nothing and just waiting hopefully for her to proffer it, likely won't even feature on her radar of debt that does actually have to be repaid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2023 10:19

Have you got children? If you do or plan to you’re taking money from them to prop up an adult who’s taking the piss.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2023 10:21

If you can’t establish decent boundaries @Itstoughbeingamom you need to change your numbers and move and not tell them where you’re going. What’s him being the youngest got to do with the price of fish? It’s a ridiculous situation and one that’s in your control to step. Madness.

Btw can I please have 50 quid?