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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's being U?

36 replies

sweetascandypopcorn · 16/04/2023 19:02

For as long as I can remember I've done my exercise activity on a certain day of the week ( also other days but always this one day )

DH started to do an activity that can only be done on this day ( my day ) so I had to stop my activity so he could do his as we have kids and someone has to be at home.

His reasoning that he can only do his one day a week where mine can be changed ( not the exact same activity but similar on a different day )

Anyway, he stopped his activity for ages so I resumed mine.

Now he's saying he's starting it again and once again, I have to alter my day so he can do his.

Who's being U?

I think he is, I've been doing my activity for a long time and have previously stopped to accommodate him.

He's saying I am, as I can do mine on alternate days.

Happy to see what the general consensus is.

OP posts:
SunshineGeorgie · 16/04/2023 19:04

You are

For stopping yours for his in the first place!!!

BellaJuno · 16/04/2023 19:05

SunshineGeorgie · 16/04/2023 19:04

You are

For stopping yours for his in the first place!!!

Yep, this! Also, can’t you just say what the activity is that you do, and how different it is to do it on a different day? That might make a difference to the answers you get.

Roundtoedshoes · 16/04/2023 19:07

He is being unreasonable. You already changed once and he didn’t keep his activity going. Why should you change it (again) when he’ll probably do the same sooner or later anyway? He should find an alternative activity or find somewhere else he can do it at another time.

cornflakegirl · 16/04/2023 19:08

Has he asked nicely / negotiated or just assumed that he takes priority?
How different is the activity that you swap to? Are the people that you do the activity with important to you?

Orangello · 16/04/2023 19:09

You were U to stop yours for his. why is his more important?

Miscellaneousme · 16/04/2023 19:09

YABU - for agreeing to change your activity in the first place! He is being an arse.

itsnotyourfence · 16/04/2023 19:10

He sounds like an arse

he can find a different day to do what he wants

GoodChat · 16/04/2023 19:11

He's unreasonable. He's expecting you to change your plans or do a lesser activity for a hobby he wants to dip in and out of?

Nope. If he wants a casual hobby, he can do it when you're free.

misskatamari · 16/04/2023 19:12

Context would be more helpful, as in, is it something that’s a class that requires commitment to others and you’re changing that etc, or is it just something that you can do whenever you like (eg going for a run). I can understand you not wanting to change your plans again tho, whatever it is, as DH doesn’t sound like he values you changing your plans to accommodate him,

DisforDarkChocolate · 16/04/2023 19:14

SunshineGeorgie · 16/04/2023 19:04

You are

For stopping yours for his in the first place!!!

I wish we could like this post.

Backtobed · 16/04/2023 19:14

Need to know why his activity can only happen on this one particular day a week

itsgettingweird · 16/04/2023 19:16

SunshineGeorgie · 16/04/2023 19:04

You are

For stopping yours for his in the first place!!!

First reply nailed it Grin

GoodChat · 16/04/2023 19:17

Backtobed · 16/04/2023 19:14

Need to know why his activity can only happen on this one particular day a week

So he can remind OP who is top priority in their house.

Youcunnyfunt · 16/04/2023 19:20

Sorry, I’m on his side if yours is more flexible! He misses out totally on his if he misses it whereas you can always go on a different day.

GoodChat · 16/04/2023 19:21

Youcunnyfunt · 16/04/2023 19:20

Sorry, I’m on his side if yours is more flexible! He misses out totally on his if he misses it whereas you can always go on a different day.

But he's not consistent with attending his - so OP's going to a slightly different activity so he can attend his sometimes

Lizzt2007 · 16/04/2023 19:22

Depends why he had to stop going. If his activity really can only be done on that one day and yours can easily be moved then what's the alternative, he doesn't do it at all? He has to find a completely new activity? Surely it's about compromise, why is it so important to you to keep that particular day if you can easily do any other and it not make a difference. Sounds a bit petty to me to be honest.

Youcunnyfunt · 16/04/2023 19:24

@GoodChat I agree that’s annoying but it’s not the end of the world. We don’t even know why he sometimes has missed his activity, whether it’s work, social plans, or spending time with their family.

I would personally support an activity if I could (which she can). It’s good to have interests.

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/04/2023 19:24

Youcunnyfunt · 16/04/2023 19:20

Sorry, I’m on his side if yours is more flexible! He misses out totally on his if he misses it whereas you can always go on a different day.

Well as he hasn't been going for ages it can't be that important to him. Why should the OP have her life messed around when chooses

At we know that the magical important identifying hobby in this case isn't cycling or golf but what can it be that can only be done once a week ?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 16/04/2023 19:26

He arranges & pays for a baby sitter when he wants to go.

BellaJuno · 16/04/2023 19:27

My money is on football or rugby matches (DH) and Park Run (OP)

Original poster
sweetascandypopcorn · 16/04/2023 19:28

His is football, not in a league just training with his mates.

Mine is a workout style class that I do with a friend in which this particular instructor only does it on this day.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 16/04/2023 19:29

Why hasn't he been for a while?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 16/04/2023 19:29

Sorry but the ones with the prior commitment takes priority. Just because you can do it (albeit, differently) on a different day doesn't mean you should be forced to change to accommodate him.

He will either have to pick a different activity or stop.

HandbagsAtDawns · 16/04/2023 19:30

You both do your activities
You both pay towards a babysitter
No-one top trumps the other

Xjshdvf · 16/04/2023 19:31

I don’t know why you stopped yours in the first place; it would have been a flat no from me and he finds something for a different day. There might be other exercise classes but once you find an instructor you like then nothing else is quite the same