To speak to my ex's girlfriend

[InMySystem]

My 7DS has just come back from a few days at his Dad's. He got upset not long after arriving home saying that his Dad's girlfriend/ DS' step mum has told him that his sister (my DD14) is not his 'real' sister as they have different Dads. She is also insisting that the child she has had with my ex (a girl of 4) is his real sister.

I don't have the best relationship with my ex who is likely to get angry at me messaging. I do have the girlfriend's number.

Would I be unreasonable to message? DS is extremely upset and said his step mum was getting cross with him insisting that DD is his 'real' sister.

She's out of line if that's what she's been saying to him. How do you think a text will go down though? She's not likely to say 'yep my bad, sorry' she will probably double down and it will cause drama.

Perhaps best to just reassure your DS that both sisters are his 'real' sisters (if that's how your family dynamic is) and that some people just have funny ideas

You weren't there so not party to any nuance of the conversation that may have been missed. Secondly, if you want to speak to anyone speak to your ex about how DD came home upset about a conversation regarding her siblings and could he please put it right.

Well they're both his siblings. Not sure why she would say this. Maybe message but I don't know what you would get out of it.

She sounds like a piece of work if this is what she is saying to a 7 year old so a text is just going to add fuel to the fire.

If it was me I would instead explain that families come in all different shapes and sizes and both of his sisters are his sisters.
Next time he is at his dad's at drop off just say I have explained that families come in all sorts of different ways and he has 2 sisters and leave it at that.

You’re not going to win by getting into an altercation with the ex’s girlfriend.

Just tell your son that she was being silly and is mistaken, that both girls are his sisters. Keep reinforcing that whenever it comes up.

I think I’d speak to his dad to clarify that first off.

And sorry, I should have said, the reason I’d clarify is it could have been a complex conversation and what he’s heard is not what was said.

This is the latest in an ever growing list of things she has said to my son that have upset him. However, I don't particularly want to get in to an argument with her!

Huh, this makes zero sense since they are both half siblings?! I’m thinking something has been lost in translation here.
I would text both and say DS is upset and could they clarify / shed any light on what had happened.. in a genuinely inquisitive and non confrontational way. Make it more about how you can support him, rather than you telling them off. Then, depending on the response you will have more info about what actually what said to decide how to take it forward..

I’m guessing your DS has been saying your daughter is his “real sister” and the four year old isn’t.

Just point out to him that both are equally his sisters.

She's being really odd. It sounds like your DS is very aware she is wrong and is probably as confused as the rest of us as to why she is so insistent on this! It seems very mean.

I would leave it as she is obviously not very reasonable.

Don’t take a 7 year old’s word as gospel! I wouldn’t text but if you feel you have to, pose it as a question to clarify what the discussion was rather than assume the worst on the basis of a conversation with a child that you weren’t party to.

Could she possibly have said the 2 girls aren’t sisters? Either it’s a miscommunication or she’s a nasty piece of work. If it’s the latter I doubt your message will have the right effect tbh

If this is one in a long of things, I'd call her to explain how he's feeling.

Using photos, do a family tree with your DS, that will show the relationships.
If you don't have photos draw a face.

Don't confront your ex or his other half. Zero point.