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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Be honest, are you fussy with who your children play with in your area?

28 replies

Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:37

On our road there's a group of kids aged 8-11 who are out from morning until night & straight after school until bedtime. They are loud, use bad language & seem to exclude & fight amonght themselves. There is no parent ever supervising & the past three nights they have been going up & down the main roads at top speed on their scooters.. They have called for my dc every day of the hols but I haven't let them out & I won't.. We've had days out, activities, camps, playdates & sleepovers. I don't want my dc out hanging around with these kids! Aibu or the only one who is like this?

OP posts:
sjxoxo · 16/04/2023 11:38

I’d do the same as you. Are they older than your dcs?? If you live v close it might be inevitable they become friends in the end as they grow up. x

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:40

Also added to say that dc 11,10 & 8 play quite contentedly with lego together, read loads, practice their instruments & hang out when not playing with other friends from the road /school friends. T

OP posts:
kwetu · 16/04/2023 11:41

Pretty much same situation for my DC8 the kids his age that are allowed out all hours are definitely not the type of kids I want anything to do with, though I will say it breaks my heart at times that he doesn't have that freedom.

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:42

sjxoxo · 16/04/2023 11:38

I’d do the same as you. Are they older than your dcs?? If you live v close it might be inevitable they become friends in the end as they grow up. x

Same age as my dc. They do have friends on the road similar to my dc who are busy with extracurriculars, go on days out etc so they're not in each others pockets. Those friends don't play with this gang either.

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Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:45

kwetu · 16/04/2023 11:41

Pretty much same situation for my DC8 the kids his age that are allowed out all hours are definitely not the type of kids I want anything to do with, though I will say it breaks my heart at times that he doesn't have that freedom.

It's so hard isn't it but I can see the kids out the window dancing in front of cars. Two of the children have their own keys as parents are working & they're 10 & unsupervised after school.. It's so hard but they're just not the type of kids I want influencing my dc...

OP posts:
StreamingCervix · 16/04/2023 11:47

I don’t see anything wrong in your choices, you’re parenting your children in the best way for your family.

Don’t worry about it.

itsgettingweird · 16/04/2023 11:48

The only way you can stop other children influencing your DC is parenting them to make sensible choices for themselves.

What happens when they move to secondary? You can't choose who your teens are friends with.

And sometimes forbidden fruit becomes enticing.

I'd go with with an approach of getting your DCs to realise what behaviour is a veritable and say no for themselves rather then you refusing on their behalf.

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:50

@itsgettingweird to be honest they're not too pushed about them. They are allowed to go out & play with the good kids usually in their houses or ours.

OP posts:
ChickenDhansak82 · 16/04/2023 11:50

YANBU

My DS1 was hanging out with a couple of kids he met. I then overheard one bragging about all the sweets he had stolen from our local shop. I told DS he could pick his own friends but would not condone behaviour like this and wasn't keen on him hanging out with someone who felt theft was acceptable.

Thankfully DS made the decision not to hang out with this kid any more.

Ithoughtsummerwascoming · 16/04/2023 11:50

Yes.

On both sides we had at various point's dc I was not happy for my children to play with. The dc came over and trashed my dc rooms. Throwing everything out of wardrobes and toys boxes.
Same with garden toys.
I saw them poke dd with a stick through the fence and laugh.
In general they were just a nightmare

Ithoughtsummerwascoming · 16/04/2023 11:52

And yes I had to change our behaviour and go out when they were in and had to gave other things to do so my dc would avoid each others

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 11:55

@Ithoughtsummerwascoming yes I totally understand where your coming from. I planned alot for the holidays & a couple of camps for the dc. Also on DH's days off he brought them out for days. The winter is fine as we have the dark evenjngs at 5 & rainy days. The spring /summer days piss me off as there's no let up!

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Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 13:01

ChickenDhansak82 · 16/04/2023 11:50

YANBU

My DS1 was hanging out with a couple of kids he met. I then overheard one bragging about all the sweets he had stolen from our local shop. I told DS he could pick his own friends but would not condone behaviour like this and wasn't keen on him hanging out with someone who felt theft was acceptable.

Thankfully DS made the decision not to hang out with this kid any more.

The kids always tell you don't they! The lack of parental supervision bugs me as well.. There's 10 year olds with keys going home to empty houses, they drop their school bags & go knocking around for kids. Mine do after school clubs so are never here when they initially call but it bugs the shit out of me! The clubs are an option for these kids too but the parents don't avail of them..

OP posts:
DiscoDragon · 16/04/2023 13:13

Yes, I have to be with my son. He is 9 and has autism and ADHD, he is very young for his age in many ways and highly suggestible. Luckily most of the children around our way are perfectly nice but we have had issues with a couple of the boys on our streets winding my son up and being mean for their own entertainment, when they've come calling for him again I've told them to go away and not bother calling for him again.

defi · 16/04/2023 13:17

My son is 6 and he plays out with the local kids. Some are not to dissimilar to what you described. I'll let them play inside or in our garden. Those kids sadly didn't get a say in their parents or how they've been brought up. I won't let him go over to their house though. But my door is open to them.

OhMyCherriePie · 16/04/2023 13:19

My kids don’t play out it’s a main road in London not the norm for kids to play out in my bit

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 13:33

defi · 16/04/2023 13:17

My son is 6 and he plays out with the local kids. Some are not to dissimilar to what you described. I'll let them play inside or in our garden. Those kids sadly didn't get a say in their parents or how they've been brought up. I won't let him go over to their house though. But my door is open to them.

You're kinder than me!

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Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 13:34

DiscoDragon · 16/04/2023 13:13

Yes, I have to be with my son. He is 9 and has autism and ADHD, he is very young for his age in many ways and highly suggestible. Luckily most of the children around our way are perfectly nice but we have had issues with a couple of the boys on our streets winding my son up and being mean for their own entertainment, when they've come calling for him again I've told them to go away and not bother calling for him again.

Good on you for protecting your child. The world is cruel enough without it literally happening on your doorstep..

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JMSA · 16/04/2023 13:36

defi · 16/04/2023 13:17

My son is 6 and he plays out with the local kids. Some are not to dissimilar to what you described. I'll let them play inside or in our garden. Those kids sadly didn't get a say in their parents or how they've been brought up. I won't let him go over to their house though. But my door is open to them.

You're lovely.

LeavesOnTrees · 16/04/2023 13:37

I was a state school child, who lived down the road from a girl who went to boarding school. We once knocked for her to come out and play but her snooty mum said no.

We felt sorry for her.

I turned out fine, university good job etc.

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 13:40

@LeavesOnTrees to be clear my kids are state school kids in the same school as some of this group.. Also they do mix with other kids on the road & it appears that the kids my kids play with never play with this group either.

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StreamingCervix · 16/04/2023 13:41

Were you and your friends swearing loudly and displaying antisocial behaviour @LeavesOnTrees as the op says the children in her scenario display?

Perhaps the young girl on your street (and her snooty mum) also turned out fine.

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 14:27

StreamingCervix · 16/04/2023 13:41

Were you and your friends swearing loudly and displaying antisocial behaviour @LeavesOnTrees as the op says the children in her scenario display?

Perhaps the young girl on your street (and her snooty mum) also turned out fine.

Yep, how did that girl end up?

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LeavesOnTrees · 16/04/2023 18:40

No we weren't 😀

I have absolutely no idea how she turned out. Probably totally fine.

We saw her rarely as she was away term time. We just thought she might like some holiday friends.

Anyway, do your DC even want to hang around with these children ?

I remember my dad shouting at some boys who came around for my sister when she started secondary. They never came back.

Original poster
Stellanotbud · 16/04/2023 19:00

@LeavesOnTrees no they aren't pushed at all & have lovely friends on the road.. It's just the incessant calling for the dc is so annoying...!

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