As a tall full busted woman to REALLY hate shirts?

[WeBuiltThisCity]

I’m 5’11, otherwise slim but with a disproportionate chest. Being peri it’s also not a perky disproportionate chest…

I hate shirts. The bust button is always in the wrong place, far too high. If the chest fits I have a small tent on my back, to the point in bunches up when I slouch and can ride up. The only solution tends to be layers underneath in case of gaping, which is hot in summer. Or a more restrictive bra to manage the position of my boobs, or just generally looking stupid in a ill-fitting top. If I don’t get it big the buttons at the front gape as soon as I join in any movement as basic as lifting my arms.

Ive been a scout leader for some time, but I’m at the point of giving up just because of shirts. I’ve managed it by looking like a frumpy lollipop shape for ages in an over-sized shirt but it’s worn out and the new cuts are even more stupid. The womens in fairly flat chested and way to short. In my bust size I have a shark fin on my back of material, it pushes up the already too-short shirt and risks exposing my belly. The mens is long enough, but the collar is horrible and I look so stupid in it. Like a lollipop shape, I have long sticky legs. Other women are shorter and more shaper and look normal, not stunning, just normal.
I’m usually a pretty active sporty person, it’s solely button up front shirts I avoid.

I’m so fed up with layering up in warm whether, or risking exposing flesh or generally trying to take part in very active sessions in ill-fitting clothing. I’ll happily run, climb ropes etc usually but in a shirt I feel embarrassed. I also look rather stupid. It’s scouts, not a fashion show. I’m fine in joggers, and old t-shirt and no make-up… just not in comedy ill fitting clothing like a scarecrow.

I know loads of people will say ‘oh it fits me fine’, but imagine it really didn’t. You were taller than average, had the bosom of a woman twice what you’d expect for your back and it had aged too.

The gsl has dug his heels in over correct uniform, I’m tempted to leave over the new uniform cut and lack of allowance in it. He had a pretty public go about it before Easter, there’s no allowing t-shirts. I like scouts, but it’s more a giving back thing than something I enjoy. I’m not cutting off my own nose to spite my face, I have other things to do.

aibu to think many women hate shirts? I rarely see adult women wearing them through choice.

I worked for MFI years ago and I was issued with a new uniform that I loathed. My figure isn't as 'extreme' as yours but it didn't fit, as in too tight and too big! The armholes were tight and it was too short to stay tucked in, yet it billowed from my shoulders down. The biggest issue for me though was the fabric, a sort of hideous 'boil in the bag' nylon. I tried to negotiate an alternative to no avail so ploughed on misserably for a month. By week 4 I couldn't bear it anymore so resigned causing me some financial hardship.
I don't think my friends and family could understand how i could make such big decisions around something so 'minor' - but it wasn't minor. Every moment I had that blouse on I was miserable. I was physically uncomfortable and psychologically felt a bag of shite. As a sales person my personality was important but as soon as that blouse when on it changed. I was no longer a happy confident vibrant person but an awkward, scruffy shadow of myself.
I get it OP. Resign. I think when you do, you'll find in time that you were probably ready to move on to something new and it's 'run it's course'.
Of course, it's worth one last shot I guess. If you really enjoy it and presuming the uniform is yours you could try try sone darts...put your shirt on inside out and tack 2 darts approx mid back from bra band to just beyond waist. Even on a large bust you would likely get away with nothing at the front. Try it on the right way and once happy machine it. I did this on a shirt using my granddaughters 'hobby' sewing machine and it was fine on a bit of poly cotton. If you've got a bit more money you could get it done professionally.

But yes...I feel your pain

Yes! Sorry you went through that… but such a good description of the feeling.

Yes to armpits too. Good forbid but I am also a female with biceps. Also not allowed.

Another big busted woman here. The only shirt that ever suited me was a dark blue denim from M&S in a soft jersey which didn't gape as tailored cotton/white shirts do. 25 years on I still have it.

The only thing I can suggest is a white sports bra if the powers that be can't listen.

Agree with you and hope you can find a way to continue volunteering with the Scouts.

I am right there with you! Similar shape, slightly shorter but with a really long. Also a scout leader!

I stood my ground on trousers, and found that Craghoppers walking trousers fit nicely, whereas SA official ones don't fit at all. My shirt is getting very tired, and is huge to get my boobs in- and still too short. I am on the look out for a beige blouse that's not polyester!

I also hate shirts! They make me look busty and matronly. They look great on petite-chested women but are so frumpy on me. I'm not huge - a 12-14 - but have wide shoulders and a bust. In the old days of 'blouses', I think they were cut more flatteringly for women but now it's fashionable to wear shirt styles, not so much.

I've actually left one hobby (choir) due to the requirement to wear the same awful cheap shirt (no flexibility - brand was specified) which somehow managed to make everyone look terrible.

Hope springs eternal though, and when I see a fashion article with tall, slender models in crisp white shirts I'm always tempted to give them one more go, but it never ends well!

Do the cross over button cheat

Sorry, I should explain it! As a fellow busty one it's saved me so many embarrassing situations!

The two buttons that sit over the fullest part of the bust - use the lower button in the upper hole and the upper button in the lower hole. It only works if the clothing fits well otherwise but you just have a gape. If the clothing is tight size up and then try it.

I sympathise as a HHer myself! But this has saved my skin a few times

I am so with you../. at 5ft 4 and a DD l can never find shirts or jackets to fit, just wish clothing manufacturers would at least put strong invisible poppers down the front.
I have had some embarrassing moments when buttons have popped open so now have to sew poppers in all new shirts.

Probably The one I described. I learned it off tiktok too and it's brilliant

Thank you!

Get a great bra then take the oversized shirt to an alterations service. Get them to sew darts into the first, two front and back the adjust the shape. Maybe adjust shoulders too

Totally worth it.

I'm with you
34K and 5ft 10
Like when people say oh a blouse. I wish I don't wear anything with buttons
Not to mention anything I buy has to fit a full bra under so no strapless, halter neck, one shoulder...

I hate shirts too, I'm actually really short (5ft nothing!) but very busty. Shirts NEVER fit me, I'd have to go several sizes too big for one to fit over my bust and then the shoulders and sleeves and length of the shirt would be comically oversized.

I wear pull on blouses for work. Nothing with buttons up the front. I’m tall and an E cup. Shirts just don’t work for me and make me look matronly and awkward.

Bastard shirts. They are not made for a generous bust, I've not bothered with them for years.

Years ago for Tesco I used to sew the front of blouses and pull them on. It worked well. They were a really lightweight flexible material though, scout shirts are stiff and unforgiving

I do this.
And I remember my seamstress gran saying that when she trained (1930s) the cleavage button was positioned first in the right place and then the other buttons spaced up and down from it. She was always annoyed that readymade clothes just spaced them down from the neck.

I know this is easy to say in the virtual world and hard to do in the real world. But I would keep it factual, reasonable and open and very very direct. I would request a meeting or write a letter and patiently describe the reasons the shirt is not comfortable or practical for your female body in minute detail. I would state 'I enjoy contributing as a volunteer but I am unwilling to do so in uncomfortable impractical clothing choice when there is a simple solution available (T shirt or polo shirt). If he refuses to back down I would say 'can I be clear that you are refusing to accommodate my reasonable need for comfort and dignity?' Then I would take it to the top of the organisation. Ideally I would speak to him face to face with a witness and as a prearranged meeting to show you are serious. I would be completely warm and polite and friendly, I would not apologise for being me or having needs. I would make it his problem to solve.

This sounds like a good way to approach it. It's crazy that your GSL won't allow an alternative to the shirts, when polo shirts etc are available.

I agree that the womens shirts are horrendous, so badly cut, horrible thick material, and way too short.

I'm a cub leader, and we are pretty relaxed about uniform, leaders can wear the shirt if they want, but almost all wear scout t-shirts or polos and jeans for meetings, along with the necker.

We do ask for shirts/smart trousers to be worn twice a year for Remembrance and St Georges Day parades, but if a leader was very unhappy about this, they wouldn't have to. We have one leader who is a very large gentleman, who can't get a shirt to fit, so he just wears a smart suit for parades instead.

If your GSL won't listen to reason, take it higher - to your District Commissioner, or higher than that if you need to.

Scouts shirts are sized really badly, even for the kids. And they're no longer a practical garment for activities. Our GSL is female and all our leaders wear group t-shirts and hoodies. Shirts only for Remembrance Sunday and St George's. I've been told you can send measurements to the supplier and supposedly get one made to your size but no idea if they're any good either as shirts are just rubbish for big boobs. Is there a different local scout group you could move to? It's a shame to give up something you enjoy and that is such a good thing.

I have to agree and Tbh I might have considered being a leader at beavers but the uniform really does put me off!

I think most uniforms for women are unflattering. There is such variance in body size with height/ bust. I'm tallish (5"9) but with a long torso and big bust (H) and every top feels cropped. I hate it! Men's sizes are longer, but cut for men and highly unflattering too as it gives no shape.

I understand the suggestions of seamstress alterations and meetings with the district commissioner are helpful but honestly the OP is a volunteer donating her time and energy to an organisation who doesn’t care about her comfort and dignity.

why should she make extra work or spend extra money simply because her misogynistic gsl would rather lose her that be flexible. This is a hobby for her, it’s supposed to be fun.

she’s clearly been told how much she’s valued in the organisation by that behaviour.

I’d be withdrawing and telling all the parents and the GSL exactly why they’d lost a valuable volunteer.

Is the GSL supportive of women scout leaders in general? Just wondering as it seems an odd thing to be so dogmatic about for normal meetings. Our leadership has more women than men and the shirts are definitely worse on women. They only suit slim men. Ours will all wear them for St George's on Sunday, mutter darkly about the fit and then go back to the group tops and hoodies for day to day stuff as usual. It is time HQ gave better options for leader kit. I was going to buy my daughter the trousers recently and didn't because I ended up totally outraged that the official trousers have way more pockets in the male version than the female. I really didn't expect that from scouts.