Daughter prefers dad

[EAEO]

my Daughter turned two last month and for months now has shown a real preference for her dad. I work PT and when we’re just together it’s ok (although she often asks where he is). When it’s all of us she loves cuddling and climbing on her dad while saying things like ‘I want to bite/pinch mummy’. On the occasions that she’s actually tried to hurt me I’ve stopped her and said that I can’t let her hurt me but that I’m here. She then immediately wants a cuddle from her dad.

I really just don’t see how to make it better and can’t help but feel it’s something I’ve done/not done. Everything I’ve read is of mums saying the opposite, that their baby only wants them, which kind of makes me feel even worse! Has anyone had something like this?

She's a toddler - they're not known for being rational and logical!

Honestly, you need to try not to take it personally. Just carry on as normal, both correct the unacceptable behaviour and things will work themselves out.

It won't last. I'd love my two to prefer DH now, but nope it's always Mummy this and Mummy that 😅

Sure - again I’m fully aware that this a failing on my part. I guess the purpose of my post was to see if anyone else had experienced something similar rather than seeking advice on how to stop being an idiot about it - I think it’s safe to say I’m constantly working on that. Just wanted to hear from others who had been through a similar thing 😊

Awww...OP, don't feel bad. It's not your fault! It's just a stage! My DS1 told me at this age that daddy was his special person, and I was DS2's special person. I was upset and told him both DSs are my special people and always will be. They are also DHs special.people. He rejected me a bit at this age and wanted daddy.

At age 11 DS1 and I are pretty insperable! We have a great bond and it's now DS2 that is the daddy's boy! So I need to work on that as I now feel rejected by him!!

It's hard being a parent! But ultimately if you keep loving them and keep treating them with affection and kindness, all will work out ok OP

My youngest prefers OH over me massively and honestly it hurts like hell, he’s almost 4 now too , on the other hand though my eldest is all for me. I don’t think there’s anything you can do and I know it’s hard not to take it personally too. No advice but some solidarity. I do always feel for the dads every time I see someone writing how their husband etc is upset that their child prefers them and they usually just get a load of people saying he needs to get over it as though it’s that simple.

It's rather mean to be jealous of your child's affection for her father, maybe you would prefer that they were estranged to give you something else to moan about.

My daughter went through a stage where every man with a beard was Daddy and it was a bit embarrassing at times where the man was a friend of our's.

Thank you so much for your message. It really is hard. And yeah, I think there are so few posts/articles etc. about it being this way round that I think I’ve convinced myself that it must be something serious. But I’ll definitely always keep trying ❤️

I don’t think having these feelings is mean. I think acting on them would be. I’m hugely grateful that my daughter has such a wonderful relationship with her daddy. But some people can have conflicting feelings. I can be happy for them and also sad for myself. I don’t try to stop their relationship or even let on in front of her, but I think denying uncomfortable feelings in ourselves doesn’t really help either. It’s great that some people have enough confidence to not worry about stuff like this, but others, including myself, struggle at times.

Tbh, I’d say what’s mean is trying to shame someone who’s asking for support/advice.

I've always had this from both my dc always known I was second best even though I'm the one that does everything for them! my ds now at 10 will still run and hug dad when he comes home from work but never does with me it just get "oh hi mum" whilst not looking up from a screen if I'm lucky. No idea why this is so common that kids prefer dad's. Us mums are very undervalued and unappreciated.

My two year old is like this, Im with her the whole day most days as I work flexibly and she will scream for daddy if he's around as if im the worst mum ever. It does make me question if I'm somehow lacking or not great even though im always loving and play with her /set up lovely things to do. It's just a phase I hope . It's ok to feel a bit sad being constant rejected- just try to smile and make sure your other half is supporting you - saying nice things about you etc. It's rubbish and I don't think other parents who haven't had this can really comment on how you should feel. Just don't let it push you away and keep being the lovely mummy I'm betting you are x

Thanks for your reply. I totally agree, I find it really odd how some people react to others admitting they are struggling with shit feelings. And yeah, people often give the dads a really hard time. Weird.

anyway, your response was really useful, thank you. ❤️

I hope you're okay OP! It isn't nice when the person who you live the most seems to not be reciprocating!

I'm 39 now so obviously not 2 but I have always just gravitated towards my dad! I adore my mum, I think she's stupendous but well, my dad!! He's just my person who I, and I don't know why, feel the most connection with! It really doesn't take away from my mum and my sister is the exact opposite and is more or less stitched inside mi mums back pocket!

Seems to change every day with our toddler. One day she'll be crying when I leave the house for work, the next she'll be totally ignoring me and pawing at the bathroom door while her mum's showering. All pretty normal I think

Thank you! I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with a similar thing too. I totally agree, it’s weird that people who don’t have experience/have but are able to just brush it off feel compelled to reply in a critical way. I’m confused as to how they think it would help!

I hope it gets better for you soon. X

My son was the same way when he was about 2, a total daddy’s boy. It started shortly after I went back to work so I sometimes wonder if he felt in some way I abandoned him, since daddy was working from the very start so that was the norm whereas I was “supposed” to be at home in his toddler mind. He is 7 now and I think he prefers us more or less equally (if anything possibly leaning a little more towards me) but I can’t tell you exactly when it changed, it was very gradual.

Could have written this post myself- she doesnt bite or hurt me, but constantly goes 2 her dad or screams 4 him if i try to help. Last night she declared daddy is her favourite, which rationally i get- he works more so she sees him less, but it stings. Being due 2 give birth has my hormones all over the place as well so that doesn't help. Hoping time will help

It’s totally normal

the two of you need to work together to insist she spends Balanced time with you both, or it tends to get worse before it gets better (but it will get better)

It's a phase. If this was a reverse, everyone would be saying your DH had to suck it up. For now let her develop her personality. As she gets older and develops reasoning, she will learn to form an attachment to both of you, in her own way. Obviously the biting/hitting/whatever needs to be dealt with when it happens, but don't get jealous of her dad - even though she is so little she will pick up on it, and it will drive a wedge between you when you really need to be presenting a united front.

The fact your child wants to bite you is making my autism radar go off to be honest….that’s not normal.

Mine are 21 and 17 and this has happened plenty of times over the years. Now they both stick up for him, usually to annoy me, lol. In reality we're both very much loved.

If you're there no matter what and don't pull back when you feel hurt she will see that and know you're there for her no matter what. I'm not saying she's deliberately testing you but you can turn this into a win, show love even when it isn't shown to you, you'll be her rock.

I had this, it is very upsetting and cried whilst on my own, numerous times. So I absolutely understand how you feel. 5 years later, they still prefer their dad but isn’t quite so hurtful now. My youngest was more drawn to me, although definitely goes through stages of preferring dad. Not sure I could have handled the same feeling again.
Hang on in there. I do reckon when my DH was home I then left the fun things for him to do whilst I got on with housework etc. Try to avoid doing that.

I had this with dd2. From about 1.5 to 3! She would wipe my kisses off her and refuse to hug me. It really hurt. And then from about 3, but definitely by 5 she was fine. She probably does still prefer her dad but not so overtly!!

My son is now obsessed with dad. He's been like it since 7 months despite my being at home 24/7. Im back work part time now 5 months on, but he still cries for dad and if sick prefers dad. But he still does love me, and hopefully no hug refusing to the same degree as dd2 as he grows up 🙈

I honestly don't know why as i made sure to be very focused on him after the palaver of dd2 😂😂

Ignore anyone being critical. Unless you've experienced it and had it going on for ages, not just a genuine monthly phase, you can't understand. Everything you read says baby's need one main caregiver and it's usually the mum. So when it isn't you, when you're out and they are vocal about NOT wanting mummy, when people look over, or offer platitudes of how lucky you are not to have them glued to you, it fucking sucks balls!!!

Like, am i somehow dysfunctional and they can sense it so are refusing me??? 😄

I'm holding out hope though as my dd2 did end up loving giving me cuddles, holding my hand etc etc, it just took about TWO YEARS...so hang in there haha

This is exactly, exactly how I feel. Like she can sense something. Thank you so much for replying. Xxxxx

I know this an old thread but I was wondering if there were any updates... feeling abit crappy myself

Mine is two and a half and just starting to occasionally ask for me again after basically rejecting me from the week of turning one - I'm the primary parent and it was awful sometimes . Hang in there and make sure you get to provide the fun things as well. I know it feels personal at times but it's really not and your time will come back. It's no reflection on you or your parenting when they reject you- you are a wonderful parent xxxx