Another birthday one!

[Mimi202020]

Just wanted to get some perspective - name changed for this!

I'm currently on a holiday that I booked for myself, my husband and my kids (ages 4+2l and it's my birthday tomorrow. My husband has just confessed that he hasn't bought me a present or a card as he thought he'd just 'buy something here', which he has not done.

Considering that I booked my own birthday holiday, have arranged every single activity for us and the kids for this entire week, I'm absolutely fuming that he hasn't even gotten me a card or something small from himself or the kids.

On top of that, my 4 year old has been saying all month, daddy what shall we do for mummy's birthday? And yet my husband hasn't even thought to make a card with the kids or anything.

If this was a one off, I would be able to get over this more easily, but he has form for not caring about me or our relationship, but he always just says that it's not that he doesn't care, it's just that he's unorganised.

Just feeling really shit and unappreciated, and wanted to get some perspective.

Wait and see what happens in the morning? Hopefully lots of thoughtful surprises!

He's told me that he hasn't organised anything at all :(, and it's upto me how I spend the day

Just feeling really sad about the whole situation

Yanbu
Your DH is shitty to do this
It's not like he wasn't reminded over and over by his own child

I hope you do get a birthday card and pressie

I'm really sorry you're so sad. I would be too. You deserve better. He's on holiday with a child who keeps bringing the topic up. He's not disorganised, your birthday just doesn't figure as a priority. And that's shit of him.

He could have gone to the reception desk yesterday and asked them to organise a bottle of something and a recommendation for an excursion or a restaurant booking. He's a lazy arse.

That's the thing, he won't even make any effort, and I always go above and beyond for him.

Stop that for a start. Why should you make the effort for him when he doesn't for you?
I'm sorry he's so thoughtless, you deserve better

You need to stop doing it for him. He won’t change so your resentment will grow.
Is it enough to LTB for, or should you just accept him as he is ?

Presumably he could’ve popped out with your DS this week? What an arse.

I think I would go out with your kids and get the 4 year old to choose a couple of birthday cards and some pens. Go to a cafe and help him to write something in them, or draw some kisses. I would buy yourself a little present, wrap it in the cafe and tell him "this is from you! I want you to take it, hide it and give it to me later as a surprise." Buy yourself a cake. I'm divorced and often used to buy and wrap myself presents when the kids were small. One year I got myself a dressing gown for Christmas, wrapped it, and on Christmas morning opened it saying, "Oh this is from you!" to my young children. My son was probably about 3 at the time and for years later he would comment "You love that dressing gown we got you, don't you!"

Then stop making a massive effort for your dh on his birthday. A card from your kids will do in future.

Put the same thought and effort into his presents as he puts into yours. Buy YOURSELF something nice that you'd enjoy. If your parents/frends ask what he gave you, you can just say you treated yourself as your husband isn't really into presents. Get a little something from your thoughtful child too - what a shame your husband doesn't follow their excellent example. 🎁 🌹

Stop doing anything for him.

on your birthday let him look after the kids and you take yourself off, can you book some ska treatments? Could you take a book and hide out at the pool or beach?

I’d be finding a nice spa and going for some treatments leaving him with the kids - maybe he can use some time to go shopping for something thoughtful

Stop buying him birthday presents and start a new tradition that you treat yourself and buy yourself gifts on your birthday.

Make a fuss of your birthday and see your children do that. If he doesn't join in and contribute to the jollity/present then screw him on his birthday (well not literally! )

I'm single and I do that! I actually prefer not having the stress of trying to make someone else's birthday great when they usually disappointed me on mine.