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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Co-sleeping at 6 years old

49 replies

ellie09 · 15/04/2023 23:06

Hi all

My 6 year old has a few SEN and currently lives with me in our home.

Since his dad moved out, he has always slept in my bed. Even if he falls asleep in his own, he will sneak in during the night for cuddles.

His dad seems to be the only one with the issue saying how he is too old to be doing this.

Can you please let me know your thoughts on this?

OP posts:

howrudeforme · 16/04/2023 01:44

Totally normal. My ds slept with me until 6 and went into his own bed easily. Then at 9 his df and I separated and we moved and he co slept against n for about 6 months.

Fandabedodgy · 16/04/2023 02:34

My 10 yo NT still pops in beside me some nights.

Sleepyandconfused · 16/04/2023 02:55

In a lot of the world, it is totally normal to co-sleep and continue to do so until the child asks to sleep separately. I have lived and worked all over the world and in a lot of countries people react with sadness and/or disbelief when I tell them that in the UK children often have their own room even as a baby! I live abroad at the moment and follow their traditions regarding co-sleeping simply because I like it - we co-sleep with our 6 year old and our 3 year old, and my children’s friends and classmates co-sleep with their parents too.

This whole thing about children needing to go to bed super early and sleep alone throughout the night is a British thing and is no better or worse for the child that co-sleeping, which is totally natural and healthy. You won’t do any harm to your child by co-sleeping - in fact, they’re more likely to feel secure, safe and happy. I remember as a child that bedtime was scary and daunting - I hated sleeping alone, had nightmares and didn’t feel safe, but was never allowed in my parents room. I think that it’s better parenting, personally, to co-sleep with your child to ensure that they feel secure and safe. Children’s needs should come first.

TheColourofspring · 16/04/2023 06:44

15 and 11 year old here and both still bed hop when they need me! Totally normal!

HeyJudeNanananana · 16/04/2023 19:29

Member869894 · 15/04/2023 23:17

It's fine. My dd slept in my bed until she was 11. Now at 17 she doesn't want to be seen dead with me 😀

This could be my DD you are talking about

She too liked to co sleep until about 10 or 11, cried at sleep overs etc. Now at 17 she is a really independent, confident girl.

I8toys · 16/04/2023 19:34

Its fine. They "move out" when they're ready.

midnightblue12 · 16/04/2023 19:52

Love the support on the thread for the OP!
Totally agree. If this works and he's sleeping wel (and you too) then I think I that's perfectly fine!

SophiaSW1 · 16/04/2023 20:10

Totally normal!

Busybody2022 · 16/04/2023 20:11

My 6 year old still cosleeps with me. Complete non-issue. He won't be bringing partners home to your bed in 15 years time

TheWorstWeek · 16/04/2023 20:13

My NT DS is 6 and comes into our bed every single night without fail. He'll grow out of it when he's ready. It's perfectly normal for lots of children. I don't like sleeping alone either!

ShoeJunkie · 16/04/2023 20:14

I frequently find DS2 (8) has snuck into our bed and is asleep between DH and me.

momentarybliss · 16/04/2023 20:22

Lovely reading all these comments 🥰 I am usually sandwiched between my 3 and 5 year olds (DH happily gets evicted to one of the kids beds).

I love snuggling my kids, who are both terrible sleepers but much better when they're with me.

I always think how I will look back fondly on the snuggles when they decide they hate me in ten years time 😂

carly2803 · 16/04/2023 20:28

the only issue here is you listening to other people! they do not matter

My youngest is in with me, I do not mind at all! we are designed to sleep next to another human for safety and comfort!

SeaDee · 16/04/2023 20:31

It's completely normal

My ds went through a stage of really bad anxiety and slept in with us until it passed. Dh went into the spare room and we all slept well

motherofawhirlwind · 16/04/2023 21:07

I slept with mine every night until she was 14 (she had a new bed and I paid cash for her to sleep alone ) , but she'll be back with me soon when DH is away. I'm afraid of the dark and she gets up quicker for the DDog

DrGregHouseFan · 16/04/2023 21:16

Both my children 5&10 Co Sleep with me. Even though they have their own rooms, I don’t care what others may think about it. There’s nothing better than us three snuggling in bed together. If they want to sleep in their room at any point that is also fine too.

Mightyouandiconfabulate · 16/04/2023 21:23

Oh my! I am squeezing every last drop of snuggliness out of my last born who is now 10.
He snuggles every night with me, then we take him to his own bed when dh comes to bed.
I love it and will miss it terribly when he decides he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

In this world of awfulness, I believe you need to grab any moment of calm, joy and love where you can. All of those are right here with my little boy snoozing beside me.
Peace, perfect peace.

HRTQueen · 16/04/2023 21:28

It absolutely fine

ds was regularly in my bed until he was 12

he is 15 now and decided my bed was more comfortable recently when he was poorly 😊

DustyLee123 · 16/04/2023 21:29

I slept with my DM, after DD left, until I was a teenager.

Theunamedcat · 16/04/2023 21:33

Mine is 10 with sen and always with me im actually setting up his room with a double bed for me so I can sneak out occasionally for some alone time I bet he follows me though 😉

YunaBalloon · 16/04/2023 21:58

My 7yo sleeps with me most nights. He's NT, has a stable family home. I consider it normal.

Ithoughtsummerwascoming · 16/04/2023 22:18

My dd went through a phase of this and as my vulnerable little daughters felt she wanted to be near mum at sleep time I felt it was what I should be doing. Thankfully dh happy to sleep down stairs!!

People are cruel aren't they. We expect so much of children m

Ithoughtsummerwascoming · 16/04/2023 22:20

@Mightyouandiconfabulate lovely for you and also your lucky child with a mum who allows it!

Almie · 16/04/2023 22:50

After my dad left, my brother and I would sleep in our mum's bed if we were feeling scared or upset - I remember this because inevitably there'd be nights when we'd both be upset at the same time, so we'd fight over which of us could sleep in mum's bed that night 🤣 my dad left when I was 15, so my brother would have been 12 or 13 I think.

I think the last time I slept in my mum's bed was when I was feeling upset about something or other whilst back from uni, I must have been about 20 or 21 🤣

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