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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Cut Off Friend

28 replies

WillaHermione · 15/04/2023 21:38

We first became friends (let’s call her Anna)at college around the age of 16/17 and enjoyed going out together. I was introduced to another friend (Maya) through her and we did all the usual things that young adults do. Around the age of 20 I got a full time job and started running my own brownie unit. Anna and Maya still went out regularly and got drunk and neither was studying or trying to get a job. Anna would also make plans with me and then cancel at the last minute and so we drifted apart. We are now 38/39 years old and quite by chance Anna and found each other on Facebook and started chatting again. I am now married, own my own property, still running a brownie unit and stepmother to four DC. Anna is single and still not working. We arranged to meet up and enjoyed going out together and reconnecting then Anna met my DH. I absolutely trust my DH and have no fears of him cheating on me. However Anna has started calling him a big cuddly bear and asking him if he wasn’t with me would he consider dating her and both me and DH are finding this awkward and uncomfortable as she can’t see how inappropriate that is. DH is a gentleman and has tried politely explaining that he is with me and so wouldn’t consider another woman but all Anna says to that is “But if you weren’t though”. Do I cut her out of my life again as she doesn’t appear to understand anything else.

OP posts:
AreYouHavingAGiraffeNoItsACamel · 15/04/2023 21:41

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ThereIbledit · 15/04/2023 21:45

It doesn't seem like you and her have anything in common. Even without the inappropriateness to your DH, I don't think there's much future in the friendship.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/04/2023 21:45

Yes cut her out of your life.

She has zero respect for you and is openly trying to ruin your relationship

Holycow23x · 15/04/2023 21:45

Na, she’s a twat and your DH sounds lovely and respectful!

Phase her out!

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 15/04/2023 21:46

She's crossing boundaries of respect for your marriage.
These silly 'hypothetical' questions are excruciatingly childish and no answer he can give is ok so he is being put on the spot unacceptably , so it just shouldn't ever be asked.

Bin her off. Immediately. She sounds unhinged.

gamerchick · 15/04/2023 21:48

If a woman was that persistent and disrespectful to me, making my husband feel that uncomfortable then absolutely I'd pull the plug. Just like I'd expect him to do.

She has issues and they're not your problem.

Bonjovispjs · 15/04/2023 21:50

Yep, get rid. No one needs 'friends' like that.

Pseudonamed · 15/04/2023 21:51

Why stay friends with someone who has openly disrespected you and your marriage? Get rid of her asap and do not look back.

AFineBalance · 15/04/2023 21:55

What happened to Maya

obviously you should let things drift with Anna.

Original poster
WillaHermione · 15/04/2023 22:00

Thank you all. Maya and Anna drifted in their late 20s when Maya got a full time job and stopped going out as much.

Anna really is that unhinged. I trust DH entirely. I am not the OW he and his exw were in the process of getting divorced when we met and whilst he was not entirely innocent in the breakdown of his marriage no third party was involved.

OP posts:
Babyandmexox · 15/04/2023 22:14

She’s 10000% jealous she’s not your friend! Been there with ex best friend - jealous over seemingly nothing (what I had wasn’t amazing but because I was happy she wanted to sabotage)

Beelezebub · 15/04/2023 22:21

Why is this even a question?! Just block her and have done with it!

Hiddenvoice · 15/04/2023 22:30

Wow she sounds lovely! I wouldn’t even phase out a friendship, I would just not reply to her and not contact her again. She needs to grow up and realise that comments like that are completely inappropriate.

If she bombards you and asks what’s up then I’d politely say it was nice to catch up but you’re in different places in your life and don’t see a friendship remaining.

Since she has no boundaries, I wouldn’t be surprised if she added him in social media and tries to get his number.

Original poster
WillaHermione · 15/04/2023 22:35

Other than LinkedIn he isn’t on any social media and I don’t think it would occur to her to look on LinkedIn.

OP posts:
misskatamari · 15/04/2023 22:37

What…? Someone you were friends with 20 years ago, you’ve seen a few times and she’s making you and your husband uncomfortable, plus you have pretty much nothing in common..? Why is this a question. Of course don’t continue the “friendship”. You do not need any of this bullshit in your life. And please don’t feel bad or guilty about it. You don’t owe this woman anything

MouseMinge · 15/04/2023 22:52

I think it will be easy to cut her out of your life. You hardly know each other any longer and she is quite obviously prepared to live her life doing the least and expecting more than she gives. She is not a decent person. Put her back in the past where she belongs.

TheLostNights · 15/04/2023 23:16

Sounds odd. She clearly doesn't have good intentions towards you. I would not continue this friendship. No chance.

Gymnopedie · 15/04/2023 23:18

We first became friends (let’s call her Anna)at college around the age of 16/17

We are now 38/39 years old and quite by chance Anna and found each other on Facebook

You've managed a very happy life without her for 20 years. Do so again.

Helpmeimtired · 15/04/2023 23:25

Cut the bitch loose.

LampLamp · 15/04/2023 23:30

Ugh get rid.

Bunnichick · 16/04/2023 13:35

That's so weird OP.

It doesn't sound like you think much of her anyway so not sure what the dilemma is. Her behaviour is very odd!

StopStartStop · 16/04/2023 13:37

Helpmeimtired · 15/04/2023 23:25

Cut the bitch loose.

This.

Murdoch1949 · 17/04/2023 05:01

Drop her immediately. Totally inappropriate behaviour towards your husband, making him uncomfortable.

Bluetree89 · 17/04/2023 05:07

Run OP, cut Anna out of your life. Looks like she has seen all you have property, family etc and thinks it can all be hers without any of the hard work. Who would even say such a thing to anyone else’s husband/partner etc, she sounds seriously unhinged.

Original poster
WillaHermione · 17/04/2023 12:13

Thank you everyone who has responded. I know I need to wave bye bye and I suspect my reluctance is due to the fact that Anna doesn’t have many friends. Anna likely doesn’t have many friends though because she doesn’t seem to understand normal boundaries and her happiness is not my responsibility.

My DH was not born in the city that we live in and so supports a football team that is more local to where he born. One of the earliest conversations he had with Anna was about his favourite football team as there was a match on the following day. All Anna could ask him though was which local team to us now he supported and she couldn’t seem to understand why he wouldn’t swap football allegiances when he moved house to a different city. Anna kept asking “But if you had to support one which one would it be” before announcing that her family don’t support either team as they are rugby fans instead. Anna’s mind doesn’t work like anyone else’s.

OP posts: