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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chickenpox and work wwyd?

28 replies

Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 19:54

Longtime poster NC. I work in a senior role, about 10 months in. I have a stressful and important week next week. My dc (4) has chickenpox. I'm really stressed, they are unwell. I don't know what to do. I have a huge delivery I have not started yet and several important meetings. Due to age of dc I cant just work from home and be able to focus the way I need to. I haven't mer with my manager for ages due to them being away and I worry about my performance and their perception of me. I have really got myself so worked up over this, I cant see the wood for the trees.

If it was one of my staff members I'd say family first, help them prioritise and manage stakeholders but I just don't know what to do. The stakes are high with the deliverables and I dont want to do a bad job of it.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 15/04/2023 19:56

Can the child's father look after them?

Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 19:56

Should also say dh is stuck to this week as he has recently been away from work with covid (he is on probabtion). Its just one of those really shitty times. No family that can help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 19:57

Oysterbabe · 15/04/2023 19:56

Can the child's father look after them?

We always share sick days and he would, its just a really awful timing for both of us. As it always is right?

OP posts:
notanotherdayofthisshit · 15/04/2023 20:02

If you have no family to help there's not much you can do, other than you or DH takes the time off. That's it really. What else are you doing to do with a child with chicken pox?

Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 20:09

I actually wasnt clear with my question, my bad. Do I go to work and say I need 3-4 days off. Or do I try to soldier through with working from home and do what I can.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 15/04/2023 20:12

What's your company's policy? It would not be acceptable at mine for me to work while being the carer for a small child, I would have to take some kind of leave.

NotCopingWell1 · 15/04/2023 20:13

My situation is not the same, and my manager is generally supportive, but I find if I soldier on and do something 70% of my normal (which is still perfectly good) it's seen as being only 70%. If I wasn't there and it didn't get done/by me it is considered unfortunate but is no reflection on my performance. So depending on exactly how major it is, that would affect my decision. I have something major coming up and I'd rather be off work and not do a bit of it than do a not amazing job.

Belltentdreamer · 15/04/2023 20:13

If you have any subsequent children get them the vaccine.

if they are feeling poorly will they not just chill on the sofa able to watch as much tv as they like so you can get a bit done?

Singleandproud · 15/04/2023 20:14

I've never had chicken pox and I would want to stay as far away from you as possible. I'm not sure if you can catch them from someone who is just in contact with it but it's not something I want to get at 35+ and wouldn't want to risk it. So I'd let your colleagues know so they can make their own choice.

MargotHeggerty · 15/04/2023 20:16

So not helpful right now but as @Belltentdreamer has said- vaccinate

I have a senior role, I am trying to mitigate risks for me being off work and vaccinated against chickenpox

In this instance- I wouldn't want to take time off either, if there was no family who could support then I would need to look at leave options

There is no way I could do both things at once, and if you're "working from home" with a poorly child you can't do both care for child and achieve your outcomes

Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 20:17

NotCopingWell1 · 15/04/2023 20:13

My situation is not the same, and my manager is generally supportive, but I find if I soldier on and do something 70% of my normal (which is still perfectly good) it's seen as being only 70%. If I wasn't there and it didn't get done/by me it is considered unfortunate but is no reflection on my performance. So depending on exactly how major it is, that would affect my decision. I have something major coming up and I'd rather be off work and not do a bit of it than do a not amazing job.

Thank you. Really helpful and sound advice.

OP posts:
carly2803 · 15/04/2023 20:18

i would be honest with your empolyer - they may suggest do what you can from home rather than take the time off?
depends how they feel really - they may appreciate 70% of your attention than 0%!

i would be honest. I was previously in a high pressure role, my child was sick and I had to go home - such as life. BUT it was not work from home, if it was I would have offered to do what I suggested above OR take parental leave if that was not appropriate

Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 20:20

MargotHeggerty · 15/04/2023 20:16

So not helpful right now but as @Belltentdreamer has said- vaccinate

I have a senior role, I am trying to mitigate risks for me being off work and vaccinated against chickenpox

In this instance- I wouldn't want to take time off either, if there was no family who could support then I would need to look at leave options

There is no way I could do both things at once, and if you're "working from home" with a poorly child you can't do both care for child and achieve your outcomes

My eldest is vaccinated. This one had his booked just after their second birthday. It got cancelled as covid hit. Then we thought they caught it during covid but it was never confirmed as pandemic had just started. They have been in lots of contact over the last couple of years. Never had it so I thought they were immune as they'd had it. Then bam!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 20:23

carly2803 · 15/04/2023 20:18

i would be honest with your empolyer - they may suggest do what you can from home rather than take the time off?
depends how they feel really - they may appreciate 70% of your attention than 0%!

i would be honest. I was previously in a high pressure role, my child was sick and I had to go home - such as life. BUT it was not work from home, if it was I would have offered to do what I suggested above OR take parental leave if that was not appropriate

Yes agree. Will phone boss on Monday. I might be making it out to be a bigger thing than it is. I'm just feeling really exposed and vulnerable at work at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodoaboutpox · 15/04/2023 20:23

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts❤️

OP posts:
PomPomChatton · 15/04/2023 20:27

In a similar situation I asked for the time off but said i would do what I could to support from home. I managed to do much more work than i was expecting, which was then seen as a bonus, rather than underperforming.

lifehappens12 · 15/04/2023 20:32

Similar position with my 2 year old getting chicken pox recently. Luckily it started on a Saturday so only needed 5 days off nursery.

With my work - if I am not there doesn't get done. My work offer care giver leave but back to the point - I can take the leave but still have to do the work.

So I worked from home for two days but probably at 30%. Then we were lucky that a grand parent came and I went into the office.

Without trying to add to the stress - the first few days are the worse for the discomfort I found. Then we were able to work more in the day.

Lastly - while your partner is off on Sunday - can you get ahead for the week?

Finally - it's a one off and atleast it is done now.

And piriton really helps

TinySaltLick · 15/04/2023 20:42

Easy - have the honest discussion with manager on Monday morning and Co-create a plan. If you don't say anything you risk underperforming - be bold and explain the situation, will immediately address any anxiety and you may get the support you need at this time. Worst case you need to muddle through - but they will be aware of circumstances and assuming they are vaguely reasonable will rscognise the contribution for what it is given the strained circumstances.

Xjshdvf · 15/04/2023 20:56

We had this last year and I shared days off with DH; I’d suggest he has an open conversation with his work where he says that he’s worried time off will effect him being on probation and what do they suggest.
In terms of you working I found it easiest to say to my 4 year old for the next hour I need you to watch something or play (depending how ill) they are while I do this work then I will play with you and managed a few hours across the day and then worked the evenings. Difficulty with chicken pox is they might be ok in themselves but still need to be off so then need entertaining

Oysterbabe · 15/04/2023 21:03

NotCopingWell1 · 15/04/2023 20:13

My situation is not the same, and my manager is generally supportive, but I find if I soldier on and do something 70% of my normal (which is still perfectly good) it's seen as being only 70%. If I wasn't there and it didn't get done/by me it is considered unfortunate but is no reflection on my performance. So depending on exactly how major it is, that would affect my decision. I have something major coming up and I'd rather be off work and not do a bit of it than do a not amazing job.

This is good advice.
I was very unwell recently. I've been in my new job less than 2 months and I felt like I couldn't take time off sick. I struggled on working from home for the week even though my brain was basically jam. The next week I was asked questions about why my time recording was so low. It would have been better to be off sick.

Woahhohoho · 15/04/2023 21:50

I've had to do my hours at home once the kids were in bed in a similar situation to you. Would that work? What if your DH gets home at e.g 6 could you pick it up then? Not at all ideal but sometimes needs must if it's a critical time. Meetings could be maybe met with a lot of tablet time and snacks at hand if they have to be during working hours and you have a child that is fairly compliant and easily bribed.

I'd be honest with your manager though, mostly because the stress of trying to do everything and knowing you're not meeting expectations is horrible. When I was a manager I always preferred honesty as at least I could try to find a good solution rather than have awkward conversations about not meeting targets etc. you might find there's a solution that works well for you.

I hope the CP clears up soon, I remember mine having it well and am so relieved it's done and dusted now! Winefor you!

potatowhale · 15/04/2023 21:53

Singleandproud · 15/04/2023 20:14

I've never had chicken pox and I would want to stay as far away from you as possible. I'm not sure if you can catch them from someone who is just in contact with it but it's not something I want to get at 35+ and wouldn't want to risk it. So I'd let your colleagues know so they can make their own choice.

It doesn't work like that

potatowhale · 15/04/2023 21:55

carly2803 · 15/04/2023 20:18

i would be honest with your empolyer - they may suggest do what you can from home rather than take the time off?
depends how they feel really - they may appreciate 70% of your attention than 0%!

i would be honest. I was previously in a high pressure role, my child was sick and I had to go home - such as life. BUT it was not work from home, if it was I would have offered to do what I suggested above OR take parental leave if that was not appropriate

I would do this.

Goldbar · 15/04/2023 22:50

I would take the time off.

Chicken pox can become quite unpleasant quite quickly. When my 5yo had it (they had it badly, admittedly - hopefully your DC will have a milder case), we had 3-4 days of incredibly high fever and very painful spots, as well as secondary inflammation. I spent most of the time just holding them and trying to stop them scratching their spots and causing scarring. It was a full-time job dealing with the screaming, trying to prevent them scratching, comforting them, putting cream on, giving painkillers, running oatmeal baths, changing pyjamas, trying to get them to eat and drink etc. I couldn't have done a shred of productive work even when I did get the odd moment, I was so wrung out by the whole thing.

I hope things will be better for you, but I think it's wildly optimistic to think that you'll even be working at 50% of your usual capacity.

User3456 · 15/04/2023 23:20

Take time off. I hope your little one is ok 💐

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