Wtf can’t I just mingle, like normal people

[Sunnydaysfunnyways]

Where we are, parents stay at kids parties, there’s often a spread for the adults and drinks etc. I just hate it and I’m not sure why, I don’t know how I have friends when I duck out of things so often. It’s like I really can’t do it if I’m not feeling confident that day, I just feel like hiding away. Other homes I’m okay and can go to quite a few parties/meet ups in a row.
Is anyone else like this?

What’s wrong with me?

*Other times

You just don’t want to be part of the school gate brigade, I don’t blame u, too many people with far too much to say on matters they have no clue on.
If u feel it’s more than that make an appointment to see yr GP.

Well, it can be excruciating if you don't know people well having to make small talk and polite chit-chat. There's nothing wrong with you (maybe a bit of social anxiety). Don't beat yourself up - you are going - sometimes you are up for it and it turns out quite well, other times it's just a massive pita but you've done it for the kids, sometimes you duck out. It's fine.

Honestly, I'm sure lots of people feel like this sometimes (or quite a lot of the time!) Try and think of it as just another thing to be done, like food shopping or whatever - if you strike up a nice conversation with someone interesting - it's a bonus. I read recently that one way to overcome this is to stop saying things like "what if it's awful" "what if people don't like me" and replace that with "what if it's really fun?" " what if the kids have a blast". Idk, sometimes the thought of it is worse than the reality & we just have to reframe it in our minds. But if you think about these things negatively all the time it's probably not helping.

Would it help if you phoned a friend / acquaintance & arranged to go together? Or maybe arrange to meet another Mum likely to be at these events for coffee & try and build a bit of a friendship with one or two people that way so you'll feel less awkward at big gatherings?

If you are experiencing real anxiety and you feel it's having a big impact on your life you could see the GP or talk to a therapist if you think it would help.

Also if it might help, you could rehearse some questions beforehand in your mind. Other people quite often love talking about themselves & if you'd rather just listen than talk a lot yourself this is one way to do that! Try and remember what people have said to you & next time you see them open up with "Hi, how's the house renovation going?" Or whatever.. I sometimes write things down after events as I have a mind like a sieve.

Find a kindred spirit, that's what I did. We would seek each other out at kids parties as we weren't part the clique

View it like a job not fun and put a ‘work mask’ on. Most people aren’t keen on kid’s parties.
Work out who ‘your people’ in the group might be, talk to them. Or find another quiet person.
Offer to help make drinks, or tidy up if you feel better with a job. I often watch the kids of those with small babies.
The vast majority of people are friendly, try and view them as such.

And (lastly) bear in mind that this "staying at parties" thing won't last forever, there comes a stage where it's drop and leave ime - much nicer!

This is the thing, they are my friends, not massively close maybe but still friends and our partners are friends etc, I’m just so much more comfortable staying at home but then I get fomo too, I can’t win really. I wish I wasn’t like this

I have to do this IN FRENCH. I just talk to someone who looks friendly and comment on how nice the house is, what a lovely party, oh isn’t he tall for 6! Basically just a constant stream of positive sentences and grinning like a loon. No one talks to me for long 😂
We are always first to leave!

I always need quiet time after a party. There’s no way I’m doing much for an hour or so after. They are draining. Maybe plan this in.

What exactly is it you don't enjoy about these events? Can you be specific? Maybe if you analyse what's holding you back or preventing you from enjoying it it would help? If these people are your friends do you enjoy seeing them in different contexts for example? I sometimes set a time limit on how long I will stay somewhere. If I'm having a good time I will stay longer, if I'm finding it draining I just leave at the time I said with the pretext of needing to be somewhere else.

I feel exactly the same. I tried to mingle with the mums in nursery but was put off by reception. It was hard.
Now I bring a book and enjoy the 2 hours hours in a different way. The same mums have something to say about that, but they have something negatove to say about everyone.

I've got another on nursery now too and I've had a couple of 'how's the weather' type conversations and then they all went onto a rant about how awful the teacher is. My kids have been at the school for years and the teachers lovely. I won't be trying again if o have another I tell you that now.

Just focus on your child, bring a book to parties, fuck talking. Own it. Who cares? They aren't your friends. They are your children's friends parents.
think of it like this, do you expect your parents to mingle with your friends parents? no? Or would you mingle with your parents friends (on a daily basis) no? Why? because who cares.