To consider moving DC2 to a new school

[daisymoo2]

DC2 is 13. Going into summer term of her second year in senior school. Seems to be doing well in class, excellent reports from teachers. She’s a really sociable girl who normally has no problems making friends but since she started senior school in 2021 she’s really not made any good friends. She has a group at school but they never include her on anything outside school and I’m not sure she really has much in common with any of them. Queen Bee of the group was her BF from around age 7-11 but is seems like her face no longer fits. She’s not upset as such, I’m just sad she doesn’t seem to have made friends. She does have friends outside school through a sports club and she seems much happier with them. I’m considering looking for a new school for her, thinking a fresh start might be better, though I’m nervous about upsetting her education as she is doing well in class. What would you do? Do you have any similar experiences?

Unless she's actually unhappy and saying she doesn't want to go then I'd leave her. Friendships change and evolve all the time at that age. If work is going well and she has people to hang out with them that may be ok for now. She may find that she becomes naturally closer to somebody in time. And definitely encourage activities where she makes friends or does something with existing friends out of school, that gives a bit of balance.

You don't say how big the school is. Assuming it's a fairly big state school (200+ per year), I'd leave it for now and see how it plays out. Year 8/9 often sees the friendship groups change as they mature at different rates (and different parents allow various levels of 'freedom'). Moreover, the options they pick in year 9 then see them in different classes which again introduces new friendship groups.
As said by the poster above - if she's clearly NOT unhappy then definitely leave it for now.

From experience, the one exception to this: if it's more of a smaller, single sex school (20-30 per year) I'd lean more to at least looking at different options so you at least know what's out there.

I'm not sure you're at the stage of moving schools just yet. My dd 14 is about to start a new school next week after being very unhappy for quite a while. Give it time, encourage extra curricular activities and school clubs. See how it goes. If your dd isn't asking to change then leave it be. Just have an eye to the future; changing in year 9 is as late as you should leave it if you can help it, the disruption during gcse years is difficult. All the best, hope your dd finds a good mate.

Thanks so much for your replies, really appreciate you taking the time and offering your thoughts. We’ve been taking the approach of wait and see, hoping she’ll eventually click with a few of the girls but I’m starting to worry we’ll leave it too late and regret not moving her before it’s too disruptive to her studies.

Yes I agree.. I think if she's not unhappy I'd leave her there. Maybe encourage her to join new clubs, I would also send a discreet email to her tutor and yr head asking for support

What does she want to do?

Just be aware that once you get to GCSE years it can be a complete faff to move schools because of exam boards and stuff.

She’s non committal when asked about changing schools. Sometimes she’ll say she doesn’t want to move and other times she shrugs her shoulders. We can wait and see, I just feel time is running out if moving her would be best.

I agree with what a PP said about when she chooses her options/GCSE subjects her class groups will probably change and she’ll be able to make new friends. When I was in Year 7/8, all my classes were with my form group and I didn’t really have a good group of friends and was quite lonely.

I made much better friends once we got into the mixed sets in Year 9 onwards. If she has friends from extracurricular groups outside of school that’s also a plus, as they have shared interests rather than just being bunged together at school all day!

Thanks @babypanther I really hope that’s right. I’m just nervous if we wait and see and it doesn’t work out then moving her later will be too disruptive and then I’ll regret not having acted now!