Space invader friends make me feel weird

[MrsmrsmrsS]

A good friend who I haven’t seen for a while recently came to visit me. And we had a lovely time. Only thing was, she has NO concept of personal space at all. So when I sat on my 2 seater sofa, rather than sit on the other cushion she sat immediately next to me, like touching me with her whole side. It made me feel uncomfortable, and my boyfriend thought it a little unusual too. When we walk down the street together she always bumps into me and grabs my arm too and I find it a little too much I suppose, a little annoying. Now, I’m an extrovert and an affectionate hugger. I’m not standoffish. I think I’m pretty normal with this kinda stuff. But how do you deal with this, as it feels like anything you say like ‘hey, gimme a little space babe’ would make for such an uncomfortable situation. As it’s clearly not on her radar at all. 😬

Just say give me some space hun
agree it’s awkws but is it more awkward than someone invading your personal space?

I don’t want to make her feel shit by saying anything. Especially as I am all loved up. And she has always been single, (now late 30s). She probably just needs a bit of affection. And I am more than happy to give good hugs and kind words. But there is literally nobody that I want sitting that close to me. Not my boyfriend, not my mum, not my best friend 😂

I don't know if being moved up or not has anything to do with it and I wouldn't express it that way if you ever do say anything! Your latest post sounds a bit condescending to me but I absolutely get your point about personal space and I would find that weird too. It probably has nothing to do with being single or not. I'd just find an excuse to get up and then sit on the other sofa.

Well, you either tell her or not tell her. And, if you don't tell her, she won't know.

Surely you can sit in a position to make this impossible, now you know it's a tendency? It would be fine to ask her to stop the arm-grabbing. She's a tactile person. You want space. If you don't want to talk about it, those two simple approaches fix it.

I doubt it's anything to do with her being single - that's a bit of a creepy suggestion!

This would drive me nuts. I had to speak to my manager at one point because she’d sit next to me and put her hand on my knee or grab my wrist in the corridor as though I were a toddler about to run away. Just tell her!

Has she always been like this? Either gently indicate you need more personal space or sit in a way on the sofa so she can’t immediately sit touching you ie sit with your legs tucked up and bent sideways or carry a largish bag on your shoulder and make sure it’s between you? Otherwise you’ll need to be more direct if she doesn’t get it.

Many years ago I had a female Personal Trainer who constantly touched me while I was doing an exercise ie hand resting on my back, leg, arm, stomach etc. I was young then but it made me feel very uncomfortable and it was one of the reasons why I discontinued sessions with her after a couple of months. She was very popular with the male members so I doubt there was anything untoward in it, but I was just, why? Now I would say something.

Just tell her? I am unsure what the issue is.

Poor body and spatial awareness? Try watching how she moves around does she hold furniture when she stands and walks about, brush against it bump into things? Grabbing your arm might be cause she feels off balance or needs feedback about where her body is in space?

not saying it’s ok if it makes you feel uncomfortable but might make it slightly less exasperating if you know it might actually be something she’s not completely in control of.

You can mention it or if it’s not something she can easily change then mitigate by sitting in a single chair so she can’t sit next to you. When walking together keep yourself further apart than you would normally and carry a bag on your shoulder between you like a buffer.

Put it like that - “don’t take it personally, I just like room to sprawl!” 😀

If you don’t want to say anything how will she ever know you don’t like it? You either tell her kindly that you need your space, or you have to accept her doing it.

Yeah I think only practical solutions, large handbag, or feet on sofa can solve this. Or at least help mitigate it. 👍🏻👍🏻 thanks guys.
It’s funny how different people have such different personal space habits. And we all think we’re ‘normal’ haha. I have another best friend who is the other end of the spectrum and I can tell hates it when I hug her goodbye. Maybe I should ask her if she’d prefer I did didn’t touch her come to think of it.

And I didn’t mean to suggest she was being a creep at all or be creepy. I have recently been single for years and it’s a proven fact every human needs touch and affection to be happy and not feel lonely that is all. So wondered if I would’ve been more tactile with friends too and just needed more friendship affection.

Added to this I just meant she’s a bit more vulnerable at the mo, so I’m more sensitive with her. Other good friends I’d say ‘Oi, move over’ or ‘can you STOP bumping into me’ and laugh it off, but I feel like she is sensitive and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

You sound like a lovely friend. Hopefully some strategic manoeuvres will help!

I agree it is a little strange, maybe she feels very connected to you and is sitting close because of that, but yeah, weird.

I remember one time my gynecologist, who is also an obstetrician and delivered my baby, after the appointment sat down across from me to discuss and she did it to where her knees were touching mine, that close. I was so disconcerted I didn’t say anything. This is a very well respected person, I wonder even now if I misjudged it but isn’t that way too close? And weird?

So yes, op, something is off about it but like you, I don’t know exactly what.

I always say 'are you trying to sit on my lap?' In a jokey tone as anyone who knows me know it's just lighthearted.

Although DP's Nan always grabs my arms and slaps them when she wants your attention or telling you a story. I'd do it back but then I'd be a granny basher so have to sit there in silence!