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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ladies holiday worries

21 replies

Sunseeker2023 · 15/04/2023 08:31

Have name changed.

I know this is a bit of a first world problem but I'm going on holiday in a few weeks for my sister's 40th - 8 of us going, and I'm sharing with someone I know fairly well. The others are my sister's friends who I've met a few times but don't know that well. I'm starting to get a bit anxious about whether I'll be overwhelmed being with that many people for a whole week and how I'm going to carve out some quiet time for myself without looking like a wet blanket. I'm not used to travelling with a big group like this and am just looking for some tips on how to make the most of it.

I'm reasonably sociable but not up for staying up til the early hours drinking and I fear that's what their agenda will be. Should I just suck it up and try to enjoy?

OP posts:
EVHead · 15/04/2023 08:34

I would just tell them at the time. “Okay, I’m done in - I’m off to bed” or “I really need some downtime - I’m going to lie on my bed and read for a bit. Shall we meet up later?”

No need to negotiate - just tell them.

Whatabouteverything · 15/04/2023 08:36

I think you're being a bit silly. Just go with the flow and when you've had enough at a reasonable non anti social time just say well that's enough for me see you all in the morning 🤷 you're all 40 ish not teenagers no one is going to bat an eye lid. I'm nearly 40 and I'd struggle to make it past 10pm on a night out now and no one I know would be offended by that. Its a holiday - enjoy it don't dread it before you've even gone.

MaJolie · 15/04/2023 08:39

Why do you think there’s any form of ‘agenda’ or that you’re obliged to go along with it if there is? Are you generally timid about meeting your own needs? What do you imagine will happen if you say you’re going for a solo walk or having an early night?

pizzaHeart · 15/04/2023 08:43

We don’t know your sister, you do. Don’t you have any ideas about her holiday preferences?

UndercoverCop · 15/04/2023 08:44

A couple of years ago I went on a joint hen do with around 40 people, that's a lot, not 8! Even so I found time to lay on the beach with a book, get up in the morning and go for a walk alone along the coast, found a nice little marina to have a coffee. Some nights I stayed out some nights I had drinks after dinner and yawned off going to a club. No one cared. They all did what they wanted too . I'm not sure what you're worried about, it's a holiday with a small group of friends and acquaintances.

Original poster
Sunseeker2023 · 15/04/2023 08:45

Ok thanks for the replies, I'm clearly over thinking it.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 15/04/2023 08:45

You don’t have to stay up drinking because they are, when you’re done just go to bed…

MuddledMindy · 15/04/2023 08:47

Honestly, no-one will care what you are doing or not doing! It's your holiday too so spend it how you like!

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 15/04/2023 08:48

I think in that age group you’ll find a variety of what people want to do and I’m sure you won’t be alone in wanting some downtime etc

CindersAgain · 15/04/2023 08:50

8 is big enough that you won’t ruin anything by ducking out of it. If it was three or four, it might matter. Just do what you want and have a nice time.

minipie · 15/04/2023 08:51

I would be a bit nervous about a week with people I don’t know well too OP.

Take a load of books and as pp said don’t be shy about taking yourself off when you need to.

Hopefully some of the friends will be great and you might enjoy hanging out with them. If not then just enjoy being away.

Xjshdvf · 15/04/2023 08:51

I’d feel the same and I suspect everyone will feel the same to varying degrees or get it at least. I’d take some headphones so that even within the group at times you can zone out and listen to something or watch something.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2023 08:53

As long as you are friendly and engaged when you are socialising, and you are around for the main events, that’s fine. You’d don’t have to stay up late late, and you can take time to yourself.

Everyone thinks about themselves, no one notices what someone else does unless it’s glaring.

Approach it positively and you’ll have a good time.

LakieLady · 15/04/2023 08:55

I find big group holidays a bit overwhelming too, OP, so I can empathise with your concerns. I deal with it by escaping to my room with a book for a few hours.

No-one minds.

qpmz · 15/04/2023 09:10

40 year olds won't think you're a wet blanket, that's clearly a harsh label you're giving yourself! I'd say be as cheerful as you can when with the group and do your own thing at least once a day. None of you are obliged to spend every waking moment together!

rookiemere · 15/04/2023 12:48

I'm not a big drinker or fan of staying up late, so I just absent myself after dinner when we go away.Conversely me and another friend like to go for a morning jog, so we do that before the rest of the party is usually up.

The one thing I'd also say is be clear how costs are being split, or you could end up forking out for boozy evenings you weren't at. Our groups use splitwise and you can assign who was there and how to split it, but there isn't that many of us.
I'd maybe set expectations pre holiday and say that you're looking forward to some chilling time so you'll be going back to the hotel after dinner most nights and if there is talk of a drinks kitty or similar, then make sure you're not paying when you're not participating.

Original poster
Sunseeker2023 · 15/04/2023 13:20

rookiemere · 15/04/2023 12:48

I'm not a big drinker or fan of staying up late, so I just absent myself after dinner when we go away.Conversely me and another friend like to go for a morning jog, so we do that before the rest of the party is usually up.

The one thing I'd also say is be clear how costs are being split, or you could end up forking out for boozy evenings you weren't at. Our groups use splitwise and you can assign who was there and how to split it, but there isn't that many of us.
I'd maybe set expectations pre holiday and say that you're looking forward to some chilling time so you'll be going back to the hotel after dinner most nights and if there is talk of a drinks kitty or similar, then make sure you're not paying when you're not participating.

That's a good point but we're all inclusive so it won't be an issue.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/04/2023 13:43

Ah well if you're AI, you're golden. You will be at the hotel complex anyway, so just absent yourself when tired. That's what I do and if my friends are talking behind my back about it, I'm not aware of it. I'd rather they all got up a bit earlier, but I'd certainly never mention it Grin.

Cattunnel · 15/04/2023 14:08

If you don't want to drink, you pour the drinks for the others & pour yourself a soft drink

Go to bed when you like

It's OK to do your own thing

Jagoda · 15/04/2023 14:16

Honestly OP, you are probably worrying unnecessarily although I totally understand as I am the same.

Last group holiday I had I absented myself from the pool mid afternoon, saying I was going back to use the bathroom, then texted saying I was going to have a little nap. I read my book and had some much needed solo time. Nobody minded, they know I get overwhelmed with too much socialising.

I don’t drink either, but I’m usually quite happy to stay out late 😍 If it’s tricky, have an early night with a headache or upset tummy and get up early for a lovely solo walk.

justanothermum94 · 15/04/2023 14:37

You'll probably find that in excusing yourself, you free up others to do the same. I always feel like a party pooper at stuff like this but it ends up that everyone is thinking the same / feeling just as tired so we all end up going to bed!

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