So looking for input about whether I am being an unreasonable wife..
I have an amazing DH, loving relationship and up until the last year, a happy family with a soon to be three year old. In 2021 we decided that we wanted to go forward with an extension of our family home, we love the area and couldn’t afford the deposit on a bigger house. I was apprehensive in the beginning as I did not want to end up with a half finished house without the funds to do it ‘properly’ and would rather have not gone through with it otherwise. DH has a roofing company and so is very confident (sometimes to his own disadvantage) in building works and steps involved and confirmed financially it was viable and we would be fine.
The whole process took around a year to get off the ground due to planning permission and building warrants, totally out with our control, but DH hired a digger and dug the foundations himself. So since autumn/winter 2021 we have had no access to our back garden which has made me feel horrible we haven’t been able to offer this type of play for our toddler (of course we do go out walks and adventures but during summer 2022 I wanted her to be able to have this space with her toys etc), play spaces inside are impacted by the work going on as well so I just have terrible guilt the first years of her life have been limited.
The actually physical structure has been built and the building process has only been going on since November 2022, so the upheaval of the building work hasn’t actually been too bad. My issues are that it’s a large project and every room in the house is being impacted by it and over the last year and a half my husband has been doing ‘bits’ and pieces to each room (putting a window in here and there, stripping walls) but no one room is finished. We don’t have curtains in our living room, we currently have no kitchen, our living room walls need sanded and our carpets are BLACK with dirt. the house is cold, there is dust and tools everywhere. I have honestly gotten to the end of my tether with it as I can’t function in this kind of environment. It’s massively impacting my mental health and my mood within my family, which in turn makes me feel awful guilt.
I can’t help but feel deep down angry with my DH which is conflicting. All he does is for us, I’m so grateful for the hardworking amazing dad and husband he is but this whole thing has been out with his capabilities (i feel bad saying that but it’s too much for one person). After initially telling me we could financially afford to do this, it’s clear that we can’t and so he has had to do a lot on his own and rather than have tradesman here every day working on this until it’s finished, it’s been his tradesmen friends coming out alternative weekends to chip away at it. He has just today, had to sell his beloved van to free up funds to continue. Whilst the physical structure is here, there is so much interior work to do and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t even force a smile at the moment.
The quality of life we have at the moment is horrible and I feel very angry about it, almost like I’m being forced to live like this when I didn’t ask for it or expect it of him. (I’m not being forced obviously, I have a say and choices but I trusted this would be done right and not take almost two years). I’m also nearly 11 weeks pregnant and feel like I’m being a horror. There is no other choice than to just grin and bare it but feel on the verge of a breakdown constantly.
Am I absolutely awful for feeling internally mad at him? I’m sure it does come out in my mood towards him but I don’t blame or say much of this to him I am just trying to survive and nothing more! I just want to get back to a normal routine where I can cook, clean, play, relax, relax in our garden and put the bloody dishwasher on 🙃