Life is so hard. I'm 39. I've been through the wars.
I had no dad. My mother was present but hated being a mother and was depressed to the point where she abused us all the time . She was out of control. I spent most of my childhood trying to save my brother from my mother as she was the most abusive to him
I had no grandparents. No aunts and uncles. Life was a constant struggle. I had sexual abuse. I've never had a very loving boyfriend. Because I'm weak I always seem to attract abusive men. I've never had a single person care about me.
I'm so alone. There has never been any happiness in my life. Just constant struggle I'm only in my thirties still and I feel absolutely exhausted.
I just long to feel love from one single person. And I can't see me ever having it.
I feel sad that I'm only in my thirties and this is how I feel. It's such a struggle to keep going. It scares me that I have to live another fifty years.
I was just reading a book about Marilyn Monroe. Apart from her being a movie star and me not being one, we had very similar lives. She had no father and she had an abusive mother. It affected her whole life. She reached her late thirties, my age, and she couldn't go on anymore she was a complete mess. Constantly on drugs. And overdosing.and then she overdosed.
I just don't know what to do with myself. I've done so much therapy, it doesn't help. I've done antidepressants. It doesn't help. What am i supposed to do with myself.
If you've had a terrible life, how do you cope?