Different views about money and debt

[StrongCoffeeAvalanche]

So some of my friends spend around £1k over what they earn every month. They do get occasional lump sums from family members, or bonuses from work which will obviously help reduce the debt a bit. But the debt value is going up not down over time. They all have mortgages also.

For me, other than essential debts (mortgage and car finance) I try to stay out of further debt. If I do borrow money I work hard to pay off the loan. But my friends have around £20-30k debt on top of the essentials which is always increasing (they are not paying it off, just getting further and further into debt). They go on a holiday abroad every year which cost around £6k each holiday. They always have take aways and buy designer clothes etc.

I have been asked to go on a holiday abroad with them with our husbands and kids. The holiday sounds incredible and I would absolutely love to go. It would also add depth to our friendships and be a lovely bonding trip. But I don't think my family can afford it so politely declined, but said that I hope they have a lovely time on the trip. It would cost about £6k for travel and accommodation which is a lot of money for me.

My household income is less than theirs so I accept my lifestyle will look considerably different from theirs. But they we're visibly stunned when I declined. I think they think I am being tight.

I could go. But would have to be incredibly frugal with money for a very long time to pay off the holiday, which does not appeal. I also don't want to get into debt over it?

AIBU to not go? Or is it worth the money to boost the friendship and have a nice time? I can't work out if I'm just tight with money of if my friends are reckless.... or something in between!

I may suggest a cheaper holiday, but they seem to have their hearts set on this place. I wonder if I am a buzz kill.

Borrowing is not always bad per se, but getting into debt for something that won't outlast the debt is a mug's game.

I know what you mean, OP. I don’t have any debt and I’m sitting on a reasonable amount of savings. My plan is to live the high life in a few years when I give up work, but I often worry that I will keel over before getting the chance to spend it. Perhaps I should also start living the good life now, while I still can!

I also have a friend who is in so much debt but it doesn't bother her at all. She still laughs she's paying off a holiday we took together in 2017 i was shocked at that. She's had many many since Including 3 weeks at Disney world with her kids! Her parents give her loans too whereas my mum was always in debt when I was a child and struggles now. I have to lend her money (very small amounts until payday). I think this has made me the way I am. I can't do debt at all!

My Dp's (well DM as she was financially controlling) were quite the opposite and wouldn't spend money if they could help it the house was cold and we never had fancy holidays. It was always need to save for a rainy day which never actually happened.
I don't want to be sitting in a chair in a care home with a fat bank account regretting not doing things while i was still able.

I grew up very poor e.g. hiding with my mum from debt collectors at the door, provy cheque to pay for school shoes and winter jackets and swore I'd never get into any debt as an adult.

Then I came of age in the era of cheap credit, you know that time when banks wrote to you as soon as you hit 18 saying you'd been preapproved for a credit card or unsecured load. Well sometime in my early 20's I did get myself in a couple of thousand pounds worth of debt, paying for driving lessons, some things I needed and more still that I wanted. At the time and in my youthful stupidity the money did feel free but I really wasn't earning that much and I eventually twigged that by paying the affordable minimum payments I wasn't actually paying the debt down. I got some advice and managed to pay it all off over the next couple of years but even that small amount of debt really marred my 20's and held me back getting my masters, buying a home, travelling and so on.

Now I never have debt, I do use a credit card for the various protections it offers but I always pay off completely every month. My car is 2nd hand but paid for in cash my mortgage is paid off and I have savings. I don't think I'm mean and I have nice things but things that I think are wasteful like constant takeaways, coffee from the shops, lunches out, getting things from the shops ubered to you I don't do. Getting takeaway is a nice treat but its not once a week or even once a month.

Some people do borrow a lot and for a long time debt was cheap so borrowing might have made sense for many, I know many people who bought the most expensive house they could afford or always have car's on lease and if that works for them then that is fine but for me I like knowing that what I have is mine, that I have money in the bank for a rainy day and enough to enjoy nice things in life including holidays without any worry about debt. I agree with other posters who say it's vital that couples are on the same page about money.

We’re fortunate not to have to get into debt
We go on 3/4 holidays a year and we save, it’s now only us living at home no dependents.
we’ve got a credit card and we pay for our holidays with it for security and as soon as our monthly statement comes in we pay it off immediately, I’ve got a £500 o/d on my bank account and it’s very rare I use it, unfortunately this month I booked a hotel and it’s meant to be paid on arrival but for some reason they’ve taken the money out of my account, so I kn I’m going to be using my o/d this month for 1 day and I hate knowing that!
I don’t know how people sleep at night knowing that they are in debt