To think this is how dating should be?

[geeinitpal]

I've been OLD on and off the past 5 years. Most of the men I have spoken to/met insist on boring, daily messaging which has never been sustainable which inevitably results in the slow fade or ghosting.

Recently I have met a guy who I've been on 5 dates with. From the off set his messages were completely to the point and he ended conversations where they needed ending.

For example he would check in, how had your weekend been etc? I'd reply. He'd reply. I'd reply. Then he'd ask if I wanted to go on another date. I'd reply saying yes, he would then set up the time and date then and there. Tell me he was looking forward to seeing me then not be in touch until the day before the date to confirm.

I have NEVER had this with online dating, I have always had constant chat and then men flaking. I would constantly be checking with these men, when we're they last online, have they read my message etc?

These insecurities have just been eliminated with this man, I love his communication and that there's no pressure to constantly be chatting in between. It gives us so much more to speak about on the date. I know if he arranges a date, he fully intends to keep it. I know if he has to cancel or reschedule or make a small change he will let me know asap.

He ends conversations right where they should be ended, 'it's been lovely speaking to you Zoe, would you fancy a phone call on Wednesday?'

It's honestly been such a breath of fresh air. And I know it's early days.

But I'm just wondering. Is this how dating should actually be? Dare I say it, enjoyable?

He sounds great! Lucky you! OLD is so often not like that...I've had the pen pals messages as well.

It sounds like you are pretty compatible. When I met my husband it was similar. There was no game playing, no hot and cold, no ambiguous messages or saying things to ger a reaction from me. It was just so simple and enjoyable.

I hope it lasts

I had one of these, assertive and straightforward. I breathed a massive sigh of relief. He was the same in person.

So lovely when you meet men like this. My husband was the same, men OLD and immediately he was such a solid and lovely guy - called when he said he would, no game playing, organised exciting and fun dates, was complimentary without being a creep etc etc.

It makes men so much more attractive when they’re like that. Pleased for you, enjoy every moment

Not really no.

Dating should be how people want it to be. If they want to chat online for some time first then if should be like that, and if they don't want to chat and meet up quickly it can be like that too. Neither way is better or worse, just what different people want.

I have chatted to people on OLD a lot and I quite like it. I would prefer to chat to someone for a bit first to find out whether they are my sort of person before going into a date. I've never found daily messaging boring. Quite the opposite. And my guess is if you do get into a relationship from meeting at the start you will be doing that anyway.

But that doesn't mean that my way is right or wrong and OLD should be like that or the way someone else wants it. Just different people different things.

If you are not happy chatting or you want to chat, probably best make that clear to people from the outset and is likely to lead to the experience you prefer.

Although when you see the absolute loons on here obsessing about how quickly their dates message them and overanalysing every word, you can see why a lot of men think that they need to over-engage...

Sounds refreshing and ideal to me!

The constant messaging back and forth is one of my biggest hates with OLD. I would much rather this way of communicating as well. I hope it all works out well for you!

Sounds great

I think many have just got into the habit of texting is part of being social it’s just not necessary

It definitely sounds like how it should be! I cannot stand the ones that just want to text constantly. I’m not a big texter to begin with, but certainly not with strangers that I haven’t met yet. Not to mention they want to chit chat at 10:37am on a Tuesday. It always reminds me that they are likely supposed to be working.

Horses for courses.

Lots of messaging works for me because I have young enough children that I need to be in of an evening with. So can't have many actual dates.

When I met my ex-H I loved that he was like this. No game playing, he said what he felt. I always knew exactly where I stood. However, decades down the line he was diagnosed with autism. By the time he was diagnosed our marriage had collapsed. He hadn’t played games and was honest and upfront because he was incapable of game playing, as doing this would have meant being able to focus on the fact that I also had thoughts and feelings and perspectives. And that was never an area of focus for him. He was however, always very focused on his own feelings and thoughts. Which was great when he madly loved me and was expressive of this, but not so great later on.