To not know what to do..

[Eggseggseverywhere]

Dd1 worked hard as usual through Covid at home and at school.. She managed her GCSE's during a nasty bout of tonsillitis..
A family member put £200 towards a prom dress and I put in £155(!!) def not my idea relative insisted... And tbh dd had worked hard..
Dd2 a year younger suffered massively during Covid and fell back with school work.. Mh dropped and she attempted suicide twice last year. Been seen by cahms and is feeling better and school work resumed though mocks showed not great results.

Dilemma here.
She doesn't want to go to prom but wants the same cash to buy clothes instead... Now dd 1 had the cash for 1 dress. Which hangs up in her room.. A reminder of hard work.
If dd2 gets all that cash and dd1 has no New Wardrobe is that fair? Oh and relative is out of the picture so no £200 off them anyway..
Not either dd's fault the situation is so different but what do I do?

You treat your children the same.

I'd say she can have an item or experience to the same value - but not £350 quids worth of throwaway fashion items

I'd treat them equally, it will cause resentment otherwise

Equally isn't the same though. Dd1 doesn't need antidepressants and Dd2 doesn't need a prom dress...

I'd give her £155.

If the relative is no longer around then that's tough shit. You didn't give the original £200 to older DD and shouldn't be expected to give £200 to younger DD just because relative isn't doing so.

You spent £155 on your eldest for her prom dress.
If you can afford it then I think you should treat your younger girl on something special as an alternative to prom. If for her that's everyday clothes then get her that.
Makes more sense than a dress worn once that's now hanging in a wardrobe.

@Eggseggseverywhere I assume you aren't paying for the antidepressants. You shouldn't be. That's medication. You can't compare what one child 'needs' over the other with medication.

That was to the poster who said treat them the same. I want to be fair which doesn't mean same...
155 sounds fair. Or maybe a treat for her and her bf? . He is a smashing lad and they seem in a healthy relationship.. A worry was her improvement was down to him and that's way too much of a load for him to carry!

I think I'd give her what I'd have given her if it was for a prom dress. So for me that would be same as the other daughter, £355. Otherwise, given her fragile state and issues she's had, I'd hate her to think she's not been treated the same. You say the prom dress is hanging up as a reminder for hard work. I think surviving 2 suicide attempts and having clear issues going on, and still being here, is also hard work.

Quite @AdeIe I agree

Good lesson for de1

Dc 2 will get loads of clothes for the price of dress.

Clever dc 2.

Treat them the same I wouldn't even risk it or think of it ie treating them different

I think your attitude is great, that you want to treat them fairly, in this situation I think I’d give her the £155 for clothes and maybe treat her and bf to some theatre/gig tickets, to mark the occasion of how far she’s come, instead of prom. I would also though perhaps treat your eldest to an item of clothing she really wants - perhaps the three of you could shop together? You sound like a lovely mum and I hope your daughters stay well - that’s no small thing they’ve got through.