Nursery want 3.5yr old DD in nappies

[CaitlinJ]

We started DD with potty training after her 2nd birthday. Initially went well, seemed ready at just turned 2yo. She would have the occasional accident but we didn’t make a fuss and just cleaned it up. She regressed badly, multiple accidents daily. We had other things going on too, so I'm not surprised by the regression. But 6 months on, she is still having multiple daily accidents and I'm at a loss. I've tried most things, have previously taken her to the GP to rule out infection. Nursery have now suggested putting her back into nappies, to ease the pressure on him. When wearing a nappy, she will make no attempt to use the toilet and if I don’t ask/check her will stay in a wet nappy all day. I can see what they're saying but most things I've read say not to go back to nappies? She’s 4 in November

I think I know how old my child is, she is 3.5 and nursery took her on the grounds that she was potty trained and before her regression she wasn’t having that many accident so they just thought it was down to her being distracted.

Of course nurseries would allow over 3s in nappies or pull ups. What do you think happens to all the children who have delays or additional needs they just turf them out at 3?

After 18 months of trying I think removing the stress all around for a few months is best

can you take a couple of weeks off in summer to give time to focus back on it?

She has had a baby brother arrive since and we have moved houses, so unfortunately lots of changes for her which I think may have caused it. She has plenty of accidents at home as well.

Yes I think that’s what we are going to do

We had a dc sent in in nappy/training pants and they just soaked through so was no different to being in normal pants and would have created even more washing. Pull ups are definitely the easier option

The issue here is that she isn't actually potty trained and she was probably a hit too young when you started. Give her a break and try again in a few weeks. Often in a nursery setting if they are ready once they see the others going then they want to copy them and it's a very easy process. And once they are ready and understand what's happening then there is no real training involved. Don t stress over it. One of mine was trained just after two the middle one was almost four (but had additional needs) and one was three and a half but not as much social interaction due to covid so once she started preschool at three and a half it clicked and it was done .

I'd take a break then start from the basics again.

We found smart instant rewards worked best. Some little party bag fillers after every wee for a week. It made using the toilet/potty so much fun.

Sticker and then larger rewards at the end are really hard for young children to comprehend.

So you've been potty training for 18 months and she is still having daily accidents? I would say your potty training has been unsuccessful, and I don't blame them for not wanting to deal with multiple accidents daily because you want to keep going with your failed training - you are asking them to put up with no nappies from a child who is not potty trained. That's not ok. Get her back in nappies and start a fresh, what you are doing is clearly not working.

Also just to add my just gone four year old hates strange bathrooms so could it be something like the actual physical toilet. Her older siblings told her that she could fall in and she is still wary of toilets so it might be something like that

I would put her back in pull ups and then in the summer keep her bare everyday (no pants or pull up) for a few weeks at home with a dress or skirt on. The sensation of fabric next to her skin is likely associated with nappies as she wears them at night. It is easier to create awareness sometimes with nothing on.

Then you have to put her on the toilet/potty half hourly at first until she starts to recognise the signs she needs to go. Often at this age they are so busy playing that they hold it too long and then have accidents. Then increase the time between gradually. You may be able to see her frequency from the times she does go in the potty.

Always put on potty/toilet after eating to catch poos. She may have to sit for a while, so make it fun with something to watch or do whilst sitting. If she drinks more then she will need a wee sooner so offer the potty/toilet more frequently after she has drunk a lot of fluid. She may also go wee again fairly soon after pooing once the pressure of stool in the bowel against the bladder is released).

At nursery it is hard for them to implement such a regular routine and she will have more accidents so best to do when you have her at home for an extended period. Lots of praise, sticker chart etc when she does manage a wee/poo in the potty and don't make a fuss if she has an accident, just reassure that it is ok, clean up and move on.

She will get it, it just takes longer for some. My youngest is autistic and it took until age 6 to get him trained fully. My eldest DD was 2, middle DD 3.5 every child is different.

Yes needs to be in nappies as putting others health at risk.

How did u train her?
Was she telling u she needed the toilet or were u just telling her or taking her when u thought u needed it?
Toilet train over 2 weeks, the child needs to tell u if they need to go or needs to take u, no putting them on the toilet when u think they need to go, stay in a focus on it.
Put knickers on her and use the toilet.

We had similar, except mine became a poo refuser and ended up constipated. Putting her back in Nappies for a bit did indeed take the pressure off and once she was ok with going for a poo again we tried again and it was fine.

Might not be a silly idea.

A year and half on from potty training has she ever been really trained? 6 months no accidents?if yes then it could well be an attention seeking thing if no then take a week off nursery/work and put all effort Into fully potty training don't go back to nappies.