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Original poster

Caught partner watching porn

20 replies

shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 00:45

Hey guys I usually don't share much but I need some opinions. Me & DH have been together for 9 years and recently the sex has just calmed all the way down - literally I can look like a stripper and nothing no compliments no hints or anything. This has left me feeling so insecure and unsure of what he is up to. Fast forward 6 months I walk in and literally catch him masturbating on the couch. I walked up and felt absolutely disgusted - he has noticed my reaction & eventually came to confront me with a red face. Here however he explains the reasons of why he does this and why so privately. So apparently he enjoys masturbating and would rather do that than cheat when he isn't feeling me ?! Sorry im unsure whether to be offended or maybe I'm just overreacting

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2023 00:54

A lot to unpick here. You feel "absolutely disgusted" that he masturbates? Or was it because he was on the couch? Was it because he isn't having sex with you? What's the bigger picture?

Frenchie36 · 13/04/2023 00:57

I once caught my ex H watching porn in bed next to me while I slept. I was disgusted. Its just a total lack of respect.

In your situation I think I'd be equally as offended by the comment that he's not feeling you! Can you speak to him and get some more out of him, what was fully meant by that comment?

neilyoungismyhero · 13/04/2023 00:59

Well I suppose realistically there's nothing wrong with him jacking off in the privacy of his own home. If he no longer wants to have sex with you that's his decision too. Personally I would feel the same as you though, there's something majorly wrong with your relationship..you need to have a proper talk and decide your future IMO.
For me there wouldn't be one together.

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 13/04/2023 01:02

The watching porn thing, not a huge deal (depending on what he was watching).

Doing it to stop himself cheating on you because he isn't 'feeling you' is a huge issue and you need to find out whether he still wants to be a part of this relationship.

Wewewewe · 13/04/2023 01:05

shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 00:45

Hey guys I usually don't share much but I need some opinions. Me & DH have been together for 9 years and recently the sex has just calmed all the way down - literally I can look like a stripper and nothing no compliments no hints or anything. This has left me feeling so insecure and unsure of what he is up to. Fast forward 6 months I walk in and literally catch him masturbating on the couch. I walked up and felt absolutely disgusted - he has noticed my reaction & eventually came to confront me with a red face. Here however he explains the reasons of why he does this and why so privately. So apparently he enjoys masturbating and would rather do that than cheat when he isn't feeling me ?! Sorry im unsure whether to be offended or maybe I'm just overreacting

That must of been hard to witness when feeling insecure about yourself.

Firstly he's a dick to say he'd rather Masterbate than cheat - I mean I guess that's true, but suggesting he'd cheat if he can't Masterbate when 'not feeling you' makes him a arsehole (killing me not to call him a wanker here). I'd be super offended and pissed off about that.

However its OK that he 'isn't feeling you', that sometimes happens in a relationship - stress, anxiety, his own insecurities can impact that, or sometimes the spark needs to be reignited. For that I'd probably speak to him and ask why he 'isn't feeling you' - it could be something minor or a him problem. It's probably not anything to do with you at all - your just bearing the brunt of it.

Do you feel the same about him, or is he not as attractive for you? Maybe talk to him about that too? Along with you feeling insecure - twll him if there's ways to help you feel more secure in your sex life. Communication can go a long way.

Masterbation in itself is fine - and shouldn't affect a healthy sex life in most cases, but if it upsets you chat to him once your calm - explain how you feel? Along with threatening to chop his dick off if he does cheat

Original poster
shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:49

Okay so I guess I haven't explained enough. YES because he isn't being intimate with me. I mean I have needs and he's just making sure he's happy himself

OP posts:
Original poster
shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:49

It makes me feel like I'm not enough and that makes me insane. When you give all to someone who just doesn't see it

OP posts:
Original poster
shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:51

Also a lack of respect and also respectfully id rather he bloody cheat then sit and do things like that. Either way I feel the same and I don't know if he's not into me or what it is

OP posts:
Original poster
shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:52

Crazy part is he will behave like I am everything when he's confronted for cheating, masturb, & all else

OP posts:
StagsLeap · 13/04/2023 01:53

shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:51

Also a lack of respect and also respectfully id rather he bloody cheat then sit and do things like that. Either way I feel the same and I don't know if he's not into me or what it is

Why would you prefer he had sex with someone else than masturbate?

StagsLeap · 13/04/2023 01:53

shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:52

Crazy part is he will behave like I am everything when he's confronted for cheating, masturb, & all else

So he has slept with someone else, then?

Original poster
shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 01:54

Because I feel as I'm being disrespected and maybe I haven't made myself clear he takes 2 hours and when we have guests they would ask for DH and all I can say is he's having a nap. Embarrassing. Also I just feel so shitty that I am not good for him

OP posts:
Catsmere · 13/04/2023 01:59

Plus watching porn is watching abuse and this stuff only escalates. If he cares for you at all he needs to stop watching porn.

AdeIe · 13/04/2023 06:54

With each reply you post it sounds like there's so much more going on here than your DH having a w&$k.

VestaTilley · 13/04/2023 06:58

I really don’t like pornography; it exploits women and objectifies them. For me, this would be a deal breaker.

You don’t need to make yourself “look like a stripper”. Your DH should value you for being you, not for what you look like. You need to talk this through.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 13/04/2023 07:17

Personally, I wouldn’t date someone who watches porn, misogyny just isin’t attractive to me.
I know many here disagrees, but it’s a no-no for me.

Op, do you only value your worth being sexually attrictive/active?
If you’re fine with porn(?) then I’m not sure what to be upset about….

Drusillagobwitch · 13/04/2023 07:25

You need to talk this out OP and then make a decision.

No-one should stay in a relationship where they feel devalued.

Did you explore both your attitudes to porn before you got married?

IamnotSethRogan · 13/04/2023 07:26

Are you saying he had a 2 hour wank when you have people round?

glindathegoodbitch · 26/07/2023 18:57

IamnotSethRogan · 13/04/2023 07:26

Are you saying he had a 2 hour wank when you have people round?

This.

What??? I'm so confused by this. Is he a cocker spaniel?
Also, rather he cheated on you than had a wank? Although I'm guessing it might take up less time of the day.

Mummy08m · 26/07/2023 19:00

Wow that is outrageous (op's update).

Op, other men are available

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