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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just fed up with life, don't know where to start

8 replies

Bleurghhhhhh · 12/04/2023 22:22

I suspect I am ND and a lot of my issues stem from that as well as a lack of confidence.
Despite having been in full time employment since graduating, I haven't made a new friend in what must be 4 years now.
Honestly, the very small number of friends I have are from school or uni, and friends is a term I'd use loosely, I barely see them.
I'm quieter than average and in my experience people don't really want to be friends with quiet people. I work in a place with many other women, I do make conversation and I'm friendly. However I've been there for 3 months and I've not formed any close bonds. There's a lot of polite conversation and I'm sure they think I'm nice, but that's it.
A woman started here a week ago and has already formed close bonds, they just like her a lot more.
My partner is someone else who has friends sprouting out of his ears and always out socialising. he invites me sometimes which is nice but social anxiety causes problems for me. In my mind, his friends see me as very quiet, not right for him and there have been comments about how we're 'very different '.

I may never marry or have children but that's ok. The only thing I'm proud of ATM is my job, I've had pay rises and finally doing something for a respectable wage which is related to my degree.

I feel lonely a lot of the time. I'm lucky to have both my parents who are still fairly young and in good health, I've got a close bond with them .

People will suggest joining clubs, I've tried but it's the same as at work, I struggle to make connections.

I'm ok with asking people questions but I get embarrassed sharing long anecdotes about myself like a lot of people seem to do.

I know a lot of it is on me and won't improve until I change, wish I knew how.

OP posts:
Blueheartpinkheart · 12/04/2023 22:27

You believe you may be ND, have you thought about joining a support group for adults who are? It's not the same as a club because there will be like-minded peers.

strawberryjeans · 12/04/2023 22:28

I could’ve written this! You’re welcome to PM me

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/04/2023 22:36

Does your partner defend you when his friends make these comments or does he join in?

I struggle making friends too, the older I get the more at peace I am with it as I know it would exhaust me to have to constantly get back to people and to socialise with people all the time.

I'm guessing you are about 26? It's a weird time psychologically I honestly felt a lot better once I passed 30.

Cliche advice but this is true- just focus on looking after yourself, your mental & physical health, your job which I'm pleased you are happy about, get stuck into some hobbies, and if you meet people along the way great if not no drama. And only keep the relationship if it is bringing more to you than what it takes out of you.

Feel free to PM me if you like, I can be a bit slow at getting back to people but I always do in the end.

Peppermint81 · 12/04/2023 22:39

I would say most people in a workplace are not looking to make friends so wouldn't take that to heart.
Carry on doing the things you enjoy, including any hobbies etc etc and then you will meet people similar to you, people you have a shared interest with.

Also do not fixate on making friends, attends clubs etc because you enjoy the activity, people are more attracted to people who are happy!

DorritLittle · 12/04/2023 22:39

I felt like this, around four years after graduating, for a few years. It is hard making new friends at this stage for some odd reason. I moved somewhere new and felt awkward a lot. And I had always easily made friends.

Thelittlekingdom · 13/04/2023 07:31

I could’ve written your post. I suspect I’m ND (two children diagnosed). I struggle to make connection and have a lot of social anxiety. Work is a tricky place to make friends. Do you have any particular interests?

If you ever want to change feel free to PM me.

Bleurghhhhhh · 13/04/2023 07:53

Thanks for the replies. I'm 31, I think my workplace is different as most people have each other on social media and many of them socialise together outside of work, it's a very relaxed setting.

It was a woman's 30th birthday the other week, I asked her if she was going out that night for it, she said no and then the next day another colleague said a few of them had been out last night. I get that she probably just wanted close friends there, but not sure why she lied.

His friends haven't actually made these comments that I know of, it's just me being paranoid. The 'ooh you're so different ' comment comes from small minded people who think people in a relationship need to be identical.

Thanks again, it's reassuring to see others are in the same boat.

OP posts:
Bleurghhhhhh · 13/04/2023 08:05

And I know people will mention boundaries in workplaces with colleagues/friends but it's very different at mine.
As I've said people regularly go on nights out together, lunches, celebrate birthdays together etc. And most people have each other on social media.

This new woman joined only a week ago and I actually questioned if she already knew a lot of the staff beforehand because she seemed so familiar and pally with everyone. I'm usually not chosen to pair up with at work (residential care setting). Yesterday it was all 'me and new lady are working together, can you do xyz?'

OP posts:
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