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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I have to put that I'm a larger lady on OLD?

44 replies

theelil · 12/04/2023 21:38

I have recently been dipping my toes back into OLD. I have a date arranged for next weekend. I plan to eat healthy and exercise up until then just to make myself feel good.

I am overweight, and on my profile it's really only face pics and I don't think anyone could tell I'm overweight.

I have been googling, 'dating and being overweight' and lots of the advice was to put a full length pic on site or state that you are 'curvy'.

I am now so worried as I've been speaking a bit with this guy and terrified that he turns up and thinks I've deceived him.

AIBU to bring this up or do I just turn up and act confident? He's ten years older, seems very polite and is looking for something serious, weight hasn't come up.

This is my body size if it matters any, excuse the nipples, and the crocs 😂 definitely won't be that pic I upload to tinder.

Basically I'm asking, do you think my weight needs to be addressed before meeting or just leave it?

To think I have to put that I'm a larger lady on OLD?

OP posts:

Ilovetea42 · 12/04/2023 22:06

Hi op, I met my husband old. I'm the upper end of mid sized and I remember having one date where I was very clearly a disappointment to the guy who turned up. Fair enough- noone is for everyone. After that I made sure any pictures I used were fairly recent and weren't making me appear slimmer than I am. I didn't actually get any less interaction old after doing this and it actually made me feel much more confident going on dates in real life because I knew they knew what I looked like. So I'd say find a picture that is nice where you look happy and that shows off your lovely figure and go for it. I think it's all part of putting yourself out there.

TheOrigRights · 12/04/2023 22:07

Just put a full length photo up. It's reasonable for potential dates to see what you look like. No need to desribe yourself then.

maddy68 · 12/04/2023 22:09

That's not even a curvy lady.

You have nothing to worry about

BelleMarionette · 12/04/2023 22:10

I think you would be considered within the normal range nowadays. I wouldn't worry about the online dating, though by all means improve your health for yourself.

Doggydarling · 12/04/2023 22:13

You're not large, end of. Now, far more important is he a doggy person because I think that'll be important judging by your picture.

BMW6 · 12/04/2023 22:13

I'd say you are a bit overweight but certainly not in the "larger lady" category as I understand it.

Original poster

theelil · 12/04/2023 22:14

Doggydarling · 12/04/2023 22:13

You're not large, end of. Now, far more important is he a doggy person because I think that'll be important judging by your picture.

Hahah yes he is 😂

OP posts:

EllieM27 · 12/04/2023 22:21

I don’t think you need to describe yourself, just put a full body picture up. It doesn’t have to be something staged or formal, striking a silly pose will do. 🙂

PickAChew · 12/04/2023 22:30

Pre-filtering with a realistic picture will save so much annoyance

OliveToboogie · 12/04/2023 22:55

Your absolutely fine weight wise. I haven't been on OLD for years been with my partner 8 years. I would recommend full length pics. Other wise you open yourself up to guys saying"sorry your too big, too small, too fat, too thin, young, old, etc etc".

ElleMD80 · 12/04/2023 23:05

That is not large. Obviously we can’t decide how you see yourself, but it honestly is not large or even ‘larger’.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/04/2023 23:05

Nimbostratus100 · 12/04/2023 21:40

why not just be upfront and be factually honest in your profile?

What, you mean like she's asking?

@theelil I agree with others - put up a nice full length pic but don't add anything to your profile. You're not fat enough by far for the ones who'd like like a really big lady.

Eatentoomanyroses · 12/04/2023 23:08

I wouldn’t put it in the bio but you definitely should have full length photos. You might actually be doing yourself out of dates by using headshots only. Men are suspicious of this and may presume you’re bigger than you are.

Original poster

theelil · 12/04/2023 23:10

Thanks everyone. Will add some full length photos to my profile (if I can capture a decent one 😆) and not bother mentioning anything.

OP posts:

Jacopo · 12/04/2023 23:13

A better bra would be a good idea, but really you aren’t overweight. You look to be an average weight.

Original poster

theelil · 12/04/2023 23:20

Jacopo · 12/04/2023 23:13

A better bra would be a good idea, but really you aren’t overweight. You look to be an average weight.

I wasn't wearing one in that photo 🙈

OP posts:

Aubree17 · 13/04/2023 05:53

No your not visibly overweight, I don't think it's an issue.

I've read that the recommendation is one head shot and one full length. I think this is good advice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/04/2023 06:17

Agree about the bra comment. A decent bra will show your waist far better. You are not large.

Gemi33 · 13/04/2023 08:39

I have this exact same issue (although you look much slimmer than me!). I don't have any full length pics to post and I am convinced that when a guy sees me in the flesh he will run in the opposite direction - I am up front when chatting with people about my size but it's really difficult and makes me not want to meet up with anyone.

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