To think a domestic abuser can never be considered a decent person

[BelleMarionette]

My ex-neighbour was a domestic abuser. I have no doubt about this, from what I witnessed, as well as what his ex-partner told me. She still lives there, without him, and is a lovely person. I have had to call the police due to him returning and shouting and banging on her windows and door and making threats.

He was a nasty piece of work, and horrible to women. When I first moved in, unaware of the situation, I introduced myself to him, but he totally ignored me. I thought he didn't speak English, but actually he doesn't talk to women, unless it is to be intimidating. He threatened another female neighbour.

What annoys me is that some male neighbours say that he is a decent person, as they had a good relationship with him. This is despite being aware of the domestic abuse.

Aibu?

No, he’ll never be a decent person. And nor are these men that say he is if they know what he is.

Sounds bizarre that any neighbours would class this guy as a decent person, if he’s abused his wife. Are you sure they know the full situation? What makes them think of him as a decent person?

Absolutely, abusers are not decent people. Your neighbours obviously approve of abusive behaviour. They are not decent people either.

I'm sure the neighbours saw too, plus I did them them when they spoke about him. It didn't seem to change their opinion.

It's all just part and parcel of the same insidious misogyny. They say that because deep down, actually not very deep down at all given they will actually just outright say it, they think she deserved it.

I think you are right. You are reminding me of what one neighbor said about my neighbour. It's so sad that people are willing to overlook someone being an abuser, because they are nice to them.

Nasty people can do nice “things”. Doesn’t make them nice.