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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want the family to come together at 6.15ish?

19 replies

TheOtherBennetSister · 12/04/2023 20:49

Family of 5 - me, husband and three teens aged 13 - 17. All have very busy days, normal family life.

We eat at 7ish as a family and most evenings everyone's home.
What happens now is I'm in the kitchen by myself from 6, feeding the cat washing up whatever's been left in the sink, working out what's for dinner, cooking, cleaning, yelling for someone to please come and set the table. When they do come it's a drive by - bare minimum and back to whatever videogame they're playing, and then I have to call them again when it's time to eat. We eat together round the table and chat, and everyone cleans up after.

I have a vague vision of a bowl of crisps on the table and everyone coming together at 6ish or a bit after and chatting and offering to help of their own free will. Like a posh supermarket advert. There's no reason for me to do the meal by myself every night. I'm as busy as everyone else all day - in fact I get less chance to sit down. I just feel that at 6ish there are lots of jobs to be done and everyone should pitch in, but not in a me giving people specific jobs way.

Do other families do this?

OP posts:
Jagoda · 12/04/2023 20:51

The teens and DH should cook three nights between them for a start.

strawberryjeans · 12/04/2023 20:51

I suppose it depends. Your family is on the larger side and as they’re all teens I would imagine everyone has a different routine? Maybe you could aim for one or two nights a week where everyone has minimal other plans or easier work days or something

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 12/04/2023 20:54

Just tell them what you want them to do and when. The crisps and chatting for an hour before a meal is a bit much

morekidsthanhands · 12/04/2023 20:57

My kids are younger so I can't really relate as I wouldn't want them under my feet! I also enjoy cooking alone listening to a podcast or whatever else.
It's definitely not fair you do everything when everyone is at an age they are capable. I would either allocate certain nights for someone else to cook or make it clear as you have cooked, you don't have the responsibility of cleaning up so you can have time for yourself to relax then.

DailyMailHater · 12/04/2023 20:58

Why do you cook every night, me and DH split the week between us and my 12 year has to help 2 nights as well (1 with me and 1 with DH)…..sometimes we will all be in the kitchen chatting whilst someone is cooking other times we will be off doing homework or putting washing away or just chilling etc….

Forgetaboutme · 12/04/2023 21:01

I'd say you get more out of family meal time than I do. Luckily my dh helps but the kids routines are so out of sync that apart from at weekends we dont get a chance to eat together.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 12/04/2023 21:03

I think that’s a bit weird tbh that you want everyone to congregate and eat crisps and chat like it’s Christmas before every meal Confused

FinallyFoundIt · 12/04/2023 21:07

I didn't do pre-dinner chatting with my parents until I was post-uni, and definitely not every night - you're expecting too much from your teens, but your DH could be around more. I think the better solution is to have a cooking / jobs rota though so you're not stuck in the kitchen by yourself

Marblessolveeverything · 12/04/2023 21:09

Why don't you take turns? We do in our home, there is a set day we each cook and another day in charge of table setting and drinks.

Resident teen does a mean stir fry, fresh pasta pesto and a Mediterranean roast veg dish. Younger one requires a hand but he takes his turn too usually home made pizza or fajitas.

UsingChangeofName · 12/04/2023 21:10

YABU and expecting too much there.

You are doing alright, in that you are still getting the 5 of you to eat together round the table and chat, and everyone cleans up after.
there is no reason for everyone to be hovering around a bowl of crisps filling themselves up for an hour beforehand. By all means call fro some help with 10mins to go - lay the table, get people some drinks, serve up whilst you make the gravy or the other way round, but not just loitering for loitering's sake, and certainly not for an hour.

Where you are going wrong is the fact that you seem to be cooking the meal each night. There's 5 of you. You should only need to be doing the preparation / cooking 1 night in 5, or at most, twice a week.

Ames85 · 12/04/2023 21:17

Perhaps you could do this once or twice a week. If you all have busy days I expect you all need wind down time, so it wouldn’t necessarily be fair to expect every member of the household to want to use their time in the way you’d like to, every day. If you want them to be doing household tasks, it would probably work better to specify what and when with teens

mdinbc · 12/04/2023 21:21

my DH and I always had this as our time together. Can you invite him to be chef, then sit with your glass of wine and catch up on each other's day?

MrsRinaDecker · 12/04/2023 21:21

When Ds1 was at home, he used to like to hang out and be my sous chef, and it was his chance to chat about his day with me. Now it’s just me and ds2, he cooks for both of us a couple of nights, and maybe once a week we each cook for ourselves. We probably eat together six nights out of seven, but it’s casual and we usually watch an episode of a show or a movie as well.
I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want some help, but I’m not sure what you’re imagining is realistic.

Paq · 12/04/2023 21:24

The rest of your family need to pitch in with the chores and cooking more.

We do actually hang out in the kitchen together as a family but the calories in the crisps and wine started to stack up so I've knocked it on the head 😀

gogohmm · 12/04/2023 21:25

Nope, did my head in, preparing a meal then yelling up the stairs for them to come, then sauntering down 10 minutes later. Exh was worse!

I do prep dinner now but at least current residents come quickly, dp usually sits in the kitchen whilst I finish dinner and dd and dsd do often come down before I call

WandaWonder · 12/04/2023 21:25

Sure people should help more but it is not an afternoon made for tv American high school movie

Awrite · 12/04/2023 21:26

Well, we generally eat earlier than you and spend a fair bit of time round the table chatting and having a laugh. I do love it. Teens here as well.

I have got better at making others cook though. Big teen heading to uni this year so she needs to learn to cook.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 12/04/2023 21:31

Lovely that you all eat together, but surely they should do their share of cooking? Also, don’t they have homework or revision during the evenings?

I refuse to shout my kids for dinner, so I whistle them and they hate it so much they come as they don’t want to be whistled again!

PollyPut · 12/04/2023 21:56

You have a point. Especially if they are just gaming (surely they should have more homework at this age)?

Get them to help lay table to prepare dinner. Plan a menu that they'd like to cook with you. They have to learn how to do these things for themselves at some point

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