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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is not "a bad mood"

10 replies

TempletonTheRat · 12/04/2023 19:59

My husband often accuses me of being aggressive or in a bad mood, and a lot of the time he does so in front of others - my children, friends or family which I feel he does on purpose to put me down in front of them.

For example my husband, children and sister (who I've not seen in 6 years and is visiting from another country) were all in the car. After a long day sightseeing, we were talking about what we were going to do for dinner for the children because it was late and they were hungry. I was in the back seat with the children and my sister was in the front. We asked if she was hungry and wanted anything specific. She said she had some things at home in our fridge she'd like to eat, but if there was anywhere local to stop and get a baguette she wouldn't mind that to go with her bits at home. We said the M&S would probably be closed by the time we got back, so there may not be anywhere. I suggested stopping at the petrol station with an M&S, but she said no no it's ok. Don't worry about it and that she didn't really need it. We continued driving and husband mentioned we could stop and try a different shop we were driving past. Sister said no it's ok, don't worry about it. We continued driving. Then we were nearing the BP and husband said again twice that he could stop and pull in to check for the baguette. I said to him 'she said no'. Then my husband snaps at me in the back seat and says "why are you so angry?" I said I'm not. But he continued to accuse me of being in a bad mood in front of my sister. I honestly wasn't in a bad mood at all. But I just felt like he was making her feel uncomfortable and being repetitive continuing to ask her when she'd already said no several times.

AIBU to be upset by him accusing me of being in a bad mood (when I wasn't! But this has subsequently put me in a bad mood!). Am I being overly sensitive to feel like he's almost putting me down / painting me in a bad light in front of others when he does stuff like this?

OP posts:
TempletonTheRat · 12/04/2023 20:15

Also, his behaviour carries on as he tends to hold mini grudges in these situations. My eldest child said they didn't want a Happy Meal from McDonalds after husband asked a couple times if they wanted anything. After we left the drive through with a happy meal for my youngest and a large fries for my husband, my son kept asking my husband for some fries. He got annoyed with this and said he should have said he wanted some fries then. And then started muttering how "mum got mad because I asked <sister> a few times if she wanted a baguette so now I can't ask too much" 🙄

OP posts:
runforyourdog · 12/04/2023 20:18

All sounds a bit petty to me!

PuffinsRocks · 12/04/2023 20:18

YANBU.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 12/04/2023 20:25

He's projecting. He was probably annoyed about trying to help your sister and feeling like she wasn't cooperating. Instead of acknowledging he was annoyed he projected it onto you. He's probably not doing it purposefully. He's just emotionally immature.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 12/04/2023 22:36

What @TellHimDirectlyInDetail said but I’ll say it bluntly because he’s a 🔔 end .

AdeIe · 12/04/2023 23:06

I imagine there was no nice way of you saying "she said no", therefore it was going to get his back up either way. And I get what he means about the fries, your DC should have said he wanted some.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/04/2023 23:08

I think he was annoyed because your sister had asked for a baguette, he offered (multiple times) to stop and get her one and she kept refusing. Seems a bit odd to me.

And if your DC wanted fries why didn't they say so when asked?

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 12/04/2023 23:40

She said she wanted to stop for bread but then you both suggested multiple places to stop and she said no? That's infuriating

DeeCeeCherry · 13/04/2023 03:32

Calmly tell him not to speak to you like that, and particularly not publicly. If he keeps on, say it again. & again. On the spot. I can't stand people who embarass their partners publicly, making them feel small. It's horrible to do that to anybody. I have a friend whose husband does this then will look towards us as if for affirmation. We completely ignore him. Unmannerly dickhead. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for this kind of behaviour.

psyonicwaves · 13/04/2023 03:45

She said she wanted to stop for bread but then you both suggested multiple places to stop and she said no? That's infuriating

Agreed, this would irritate me more than anything else! Either shit or get off the pot!

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