Finding life difficult and overwhelming, AIBU to think I'm neurodiverse?

[lifeishardd]

I'm in my late 20s and ever since I was around 16 I've find life difficult and overwhelming. I'm on anti-anxiety medication and have spoke to a therapist but I still just constantly feel overwhelmed and I think it's more than anxiety or depression.

I have what I think of to be 'mini meltdowns' each week. I only really noticed how frequently they happened once I started journalling. For example, yesterday my manager asked me to lead a meeting I wasn't expecting which resulted in me being unable to concentrate on my work all day leading up to the meeting. Then last week a piece of my work had more feedback than I was expecting/than I'm used to so I spent the evening crying, thinking I'm terrible at my job and need to quit, that I'm going to get fired soon, etc. Today I received a rejection from a job I applied to after doing an assessment and it's the first 'test' I've ever failed and has knocked my confidence and made me think I have nothing to offer a prospective employer. I have a very small circle of friends and struggle to socialise outside of that group, so many times I've been walking with colleagues to a bar or restaurant and been unable to walk in so just snuck off and made an excuse as to why I disappeared. It's like I physically couldn't bring myself to walk into the bar/restaurant. Quite often at work I feel like I have selective mutism, as I physically can't bring myself to speak in meetings, even in 1:1 meetings. I can only speak when I'm directly addressed, if someone asks a general question I know the answer to I can't speak up and answer it, I don't know why. I also take things literally, like if someone doesn't directly include me I presume I'm not included. If a group of colleagues are going for lunch and nobody directly says '[my name], are you coming?' I won't go, even though I know lunch is always an open invitation for anyone to go. I can't concentrate when I'm in the office or during Teams meetings as I'm so aware that I'm being perceived that I'm more focussed on acting 'normal'. I have no opinions when I'm with others and am like a chameleon depending on who I'm with. My body is constantly stressed with stress hives and my eyelids twitching pretty much every single day.

I just think I'm not cut out for adult life, as surely it's not supposed to be this difficult and overwhelming?

I can relate to much of this. Am older but have always felt a bit uncomfortable in my own skin. Am NT as far as I'm aware but in saying that have never been assessed for ND. You're not alone.

Am also on anti anxiety meds.

YABVU.

Why?

Sounds like anxiety, not ND.

You sound a lot like me when I was younger. I have no diagnosis but based on my kids diagnoses, yes I am ND.

I would start looking into autism and adhd and see what resonates. It's helpful to get your thoughts in order if you want a diagnosis because you'll have to present your case.

In the short term, what I've found most helpful is to assume I am and use techniques based on if I am and it has transformed my life.

you sound like you have low self-confidence and low self-esteem....whether thats ND or not is a difficult ask on mumsnet ,have you discussed with your family or close friends at all? are you currently having any therapy or counselling ,sometimes exploring and getting to know and accept yourself can make things clearer.

Life is difficult and overwhelming though. You need to get a 'toolbox' of techniques together to help you cope. Building resilience takes time and effort.

I think a lot about how us modern humans live is just not how we were intended to. So there's not necessarily anything 'wrong' with any of us for finding it hard or weird. That said, you could be ND or suffer with anxiety.

It’s transitionining to adulthood, and looking outside of yourself. Life is tricky sometimes and not smooth sailing.

Personally I think you would be making a mistake to label yourself neurodiverse. Not going for lunch just because you are not asked does not mean you are autistic.

Nobody on here can give you a diagnosis.

I'm autistic and what you describe sounds very similar to how I spent my late teens and early twenties (pre-diagnosis), but equally it could be that you have other problems that just haven't been dealt with (anxiety, low self-esteem) etc.

The best thing to do would be to speak to your GP. Good luck!

I have ADHD but am by no means an expert. To me, your symptoms sound more like anxiety than neurodiversity. But either way, there's no harm in speaking to your GP.

That sounds exactly like me. The only thing from your list I wouldn't do is not walk into a bar if I was heading there.

I've always thought I was typical and still do. It's just low self confidence / a tendency to dwell on things / a bit of anxiety I believe in my case anyway.

We aren't all wired to be confident, water-of-a-ducks back, easy socialisers. As much as I would love to be and think life would be better!

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder. I can relate to a lot of this but have been diagnosed with severe anxiety. There may be more to it with you, impossible to say on the Internet! But to me these seem very much like anxiety symptoms.

Could be autism all these symptoms are very similar to mine.Dont self diagnosed go to a Dr get right meds 🙂

All those saying that it sounds more like anxiety than ND, surely anxiety is an important symptom of autism?

No, it isn't. It is a common co-morbidity.

You have impostor syndrome, pretty common, especially in women.

No, it’s not. ND people often have anxiety but it’s not part of the diagnostic criteria and lots of ND people aren’t anxious.