To ask how to 'tell off' other people's kids?

[reddwarfgeek]

DD (5) is an only child. With it being Easter holidays I have arranged playdates. It's quite new to me. Her friend (also 5) has been here 3.5 hours. They are meant to be having tea here about 5pm.
Went to park but started raining so came home. They've done sand art, scratch art, painting, watched a bit of TV.
Child keeps hitting me over the head with a toy fishing rod and laughing. She also is trying to paint my clothes.
Obviously I'm the adult. If it was DD I'd tell her to stop and have some respect. Told girl to stop and she doesn't.
How to other mums navigate situations like this?
Prepared for flaming but oh well.

Tell her that you really don't like that behaviour, that this is a final warning and if she carries on like this you will have to phone her parents to come and take her home. You don't need to be cross about it, just be really clear about the consequences.

Be firm and clear, then move on. "Stop hitting me" ir "no. The paint is only for paper".
Then move on straight away.

If she carries on, and ignores you, then frankly Id phone her parent to pick her up, but explain to parent shes welcome to come another time when shes "not so tired".

One of my DC friends was like that, but once he understood that if he didnt behave he'd be going home he was fine ever after.

I'd echo the first 2 posters and is how I'd deal with it too.

Hit her over the head too, and try painting her clothes "see, it's not very nice is it"

PP ideas are probably better though 😆

"Tell her that you really don't like that behaviour, that this is a final warning and if she carries on like this you will have to phone her parents to come and take her home. You don't need to be cross about it, just be really clear about the consequences."

Couldnt have said it better.
Thats the perfect solution

And not invite this kid anymore thats for sure 😅

This is why I don't do play dates 🤦🏻‍♀️ not a fan of other peoples kids lol.

Also, for the future, I'd say five hours is a long time for a playdate. In the future I'd limit it to two or three - or however long it was until this kid started to play up.

Oh bollocks to that get her told. Clearly and firmly. Say ‘No. I have asked you to stop. That’s not how we behave in other people’s homes. If you carry on I’ll phone your mum/dad and ask her to come and collect you before tea, ok?’

No doubt you’ll get a load of posters saying she’s not doing anything too terrible/par for the course bla bla. Personally I don’t host play dates to be hit over the head 🤷🏻‍♀️

And it is too long for their age really OP. 2-3 hours is better.

Firm and boundaries

I have told you no /don't do that

If you do it again then I will take you home / parents collect you

I say "In our house we don't do that." to whatever the behaviour is in a nice but relatively firm voice. If they carry on I repeat it more firmly. I will then say "We have rules here and we don't do X in this house." if necessary.

I've never threatened to call a parent as it hasn't come to that. But my firm tone is very firm.

Btw you've entertained them massively. Why not let them have some free play time in DDs room/play a board game together while you have a cuppa? Some of my kids' parents entertained incredibly like you have but I've always been a bit more lazy and it's ok too 😉.

I also make a point of telling my kids, later after play date finishes, that their friend is nice but their behaviour at that point wasn't and that that's exactly how they shouldn't behave on a play date. Id hate my kids to behave like some of their friends have. I'd like to hope they don't, but when I'm not there, who knows! I never tell the other parent that their kid was acting up (apart from one occasion when it was part of a pattern and I'd had enough). None of us gave perfectly behaved angels. Often the kids who seem like they are, who are the most polite, are actually the most devious of them all!

You treat them exactly the same as you would your own.

"NO. Don't do that"
"If you do that again I'll take it away"

"Now the paints and fishing rod are going away, so you can't play with them. "

Your house, your rules.

The ultimate threat ‘im calling your mum to collect you now if your behaviour doesn’t improve’

Then start phoning her mum

What’s your tone like?

are you saying all whimsical, “darling please don’t paint my dress”

or are you saying in a calm slow, controlled tone, “ I suggest you stop painting my dress “

simple!

A firm "no, thank you" (etc.) and then if that doesn't work I'd implement natural consequences and remove the fishing rod/paint/etc.

If I was desperate I'd suggest that if they don't behave they'll be going back outside for a walk in the miserable weather (and then mean it - just ten minutes to run off steam, reset and prove your point would be worth it)!

“We don’t do that in this house”. And take the fishing rod away.

Yep...a firm, "No! That is not what we do in this house as it is unkind to hit/spoil clothes etc." I would also remove the offending toys if the behaviour didn't stop. I agree with PP who have said that 5 hours is rather long for a play date.
You also now have the unenviable task of replying to the question from the parent collecting the child, "Has he/she behaved?" should it be asked. 😬Hopefully your little visitor has taken heed so you can always say, " A little reminder needed not to hit me/paint me but she stopped immediately so all good. Isn't it lovely when children listen? She is welcome back anytime!" (but possibly not for 5 hours😂)

Thanks everyone.
I think being firm is the best. I have tried! I'm not very good at it.
They have stopped it for now.
Thanks for those who said I've entertained them well. I've tried to just let them play but they keep shouting for me every 5 minute to join in .
I don't like other people's kids 😅 I think this might be one of the downsides to having an only . Incidentally, the friend is also an only. I'm doing tea, then her mum is coming to collect her at 5:45. I think nearly 6 hours is enough in anyone's language!
I wish it hadn't been raining so much today or we could have gone out to run off some energy.

Wow sounds like a lovely playdate, well done! I'd also ask her firmly to stop and send her home if she doesn't (without being cross).

If she's been nicely behaved up until this point I'd be inclined to think she's actually tired, has had enough and needs to go home. 6 hours is a very long time for a 5 year old!

As PP say, in future offer a playdate say "10-12ish" or "3-5ish" to manage parents' expectations. If it's still going great at that point you can always offer them to stay for a meal ("since you're both playing so nicely") and send them home after that.

I've hosted many playdates! I always have one or two activities up my sleeve in case they get bored or fall out but I've rarely had to use them, they usually love to entertain themselves. Sometimes I walk them to the park if they need to let off steam or let them decorate some biscuits. Personally i think it's well worth the effort to build a network of friends for your child (and yourself) and they need less supervision as they get older. You also get a break when your daughter goes to her friends' houses.

Also, if they keep shouting you to join in, just explain that you are hanging the washing out/cooking dinner and suggest they do x/y/z instead. If they still pester just ask if it's time for friend to go home if they don't want to play together anymore. I've found this often inspires them to be creative pretty quickly especially if friend is only there for a couple of hours! (Altho it is always nice to do one activity with them).

My ds had a friend over like this when he was 5. Very unruly and badly behaved, even his mum was embarrassed when she came to pick him up and stayed for coffee and saw for herself. When he was here, I told asked him if I should call his mum to come fetch him because he isn't behaving very well. I think he was shocked at being called out and telling his mum, so he stopped until his mum came. You are the parent here, put her in her place and if she doesn't come back then no loss to your dd as you don't want her friends with kids like that anyway.

6hrs is long

But fine if can play nicely:entertain each other

Dd6 had her friend over last week 10-4 and it was lovely as played so nicely with each other

Garden /nice weather does help and they were in the garden for ages chalking and blowing bubbles and on trampoline etx

Tell her to stop and be firm.

if she cleaned its home time.

If she's been go od and behaviour s started after a few hours I'd think she was tired and was ready to go home anyway

I'd tell her to stop it or she'll be going home now. Oh and she won't be invited back again either.