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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want some chicken soup?

7 replies

BadVegetarian · 12/04/2023 15:38

Back when I met dh, I was vegan. I'd been vegetarian since childhood because i dislike meat as a taste/texture thing, but vegan was my decision in my early twenties...I was very young and I was very passionate (and annoying) about the cause. I have no doubt this was part of what he initially liked about me. We were both very into animal rights and saving the planet.

If I'm honest though, for me it was a phase. I'd read some books and watched some documentaries and I thought it was cool (and i thought itd make me thin) and tbh I was a bit brainwashed (and a bit fatter). The veil dropped for me and shortly after we had our first dc, I stopped wanting to be vegan.

I was super worried about telling him. There were many reasons i wanted to stop being vegan and one of them was my.own health. Fish, and eggs are good for your brain and your fertility and I was suffering with depression and struggling to get pregnant again, so I used these things as an excuse to justify going pescatarian.

Truthfully though I also just really wanted fish and chips, scrambled egg, and a bar of dairymilk when I fancied.

Not long after I went pescatarian, he also fell off the vegan wagon. I think he'd still rather be vegan (he was a very strong ethical compass, which I no longer share) but I do the cooking and food shopping at home and I think it was too difficult for him to do on his own in the end.

We had a couple more kids since then and we (me and the kids) don't eat meat at home, but we do eat fish, and I let the kids have sweets with gelatin in them. I just want the kids to be normal tbh. He'd rather I didn't let them have things like haribo but I don't want to give them food issues! Over time this has got more and more relaxed and I'm happy with that.

So the current situation is that he's a strict vegetarian (doesn't eat fish or gelatin, won't have things fried with meat products etc...so he's actually a proper vegetarian!) But me and the kids are really bad vegetarian who actually eat anything other than actual meat.

Thing is. I just want to eat what I want but I feel like he disapproves. I recently really fancied cream of chicken soup. I tried to find a veggie version but can't find anything. A cream of chicken cuppa soup has like 2% chicken in it and frankly I would of happily eaten that if it wasn't for him.
Then this morning I bought some chicken crisps. Honestly I didn't even check the packaging as most chicken crisps are actually veggie, but he pointed out they're not vegetarian because they have dried chicken in the ingredients. I ate them anyway.
I know this sounds stupid but I know he will think I'm going against everything he/I believed in and he'll basically find it gross.
But I really want chicken soup 🤣

I guess I've changed. He hasn't. I didn't mean to, and I didn't deliberately deceive him, but I've changed and these days I don't really feel that bothered by 2% chicken. I'm.not going to start eating and cooking meat because I don't personally love it but I want to eat what I think sounds good, I'm not trying to change the world anymore.

How do I have a conversation with him about this. AIBU to change my mind? Or am I just a weak willed fatty who needs to put down the chicken soup?

OP posts:
potatowhale · 12/04/2023 15:43

You're going to have to just tell him you've gone flexitarian now.
Or am I just a weak willed fatty who needs to put down the chicken soup? whats chicken soup got to do with being fat?

randomuser2019 · 12/04/2023 15:43

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This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

thegreenjudy · 12/04/2023 15:59

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This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

This - I think you are more worried about the what if's than you need to.

That's often the case with people pleasers - he might just be ok with it as long as you are straight forward. If he isn't ok with it I would worry, life is too short to get hung up on what other people are eating

BadVegetarian · 12/04/2023 16:05

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 15:43

You're going to have to just tell him you've gone flexitarian now.
Or am I just a weak willed fatty who needs to put down the chicken soup? whats chicken soup got to do with being fat?

Oh I'm just projecting here I think. I sort of feel like its somehow less acceptable because I'm also a bit overweight, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make. It's more because I'm worried about his reaction.

OP posts:
potatowhale · 12/04/2023 16:05

BadVegetarian · 12/04/2023 16:05

Oh I'm just projecting here I think. I sort of feel like its somehow less acceptable because I'm also a bit overweight, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make. It's more because I'm worried about his reaction.

Rip off the band-aid just have the discussion

SummaLuvin · 12/04/2023 16:07

BadVegetarian · 12/04/2023 16:05

Oh I'm just projecting here I think. I sort of feel like its somehow less acceptable because I'm also a bit overweight, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make. It's more because I'm worried about his reaction.

that doesn't sound good. Are you worried because you think this is a deal breaker for him and you don't want the relationship to end? Or because you think he will react very poorly?

Either way if you want to include meat in your diet that is your choice, but you need to be honest with him.

BadVegetarian · 12/04/2023 16:11

SummaLuvin · 12/04/2023 16:07

that doesn't sound good. Are you worried because you think this is a deal breaker for him and you don't want the relationship to end? Or because you think he will react very poorly?

Either way if you want to include meat in your diet that is your choice, but you need to be honest with him.

I think it may of been a deal breaker in the past. I don't think he will now divorce me because I want to sometimes have food with meat in it...I'd hope that 3 kids in and 8 years of marriage that there's more to our relationship then that! BUT it is important to him I know that much. I know he'd much, much rather I didn't. And I think it'd change his opinion of me if it hasn't already changed.

OP posts:
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