Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked this question

11 replies

doris9034 · 12/04/2023 15:36

Bit of backstory - we used to live in a small cul de sac with 4 - 5 other houses / couples. Most of them had lived there for 20 odd years, and we were there for 8. Nobody really spoke to each other aside from usual pleasantries until lockdown when we started to see each other on the shared driveway for socially distanced drinks, BBQ's etc (when allowed obvs!).
One of the couples would be up for joining in but then frequently not come because one or the other didn't feel well - fair enough, and then when we moved away last year they didn't come out with the rest of us for a goodbye meal for the same reasons - again, fair enough.
Anyway, this couple are now moving and invited us to go back for their goodbye meal with the other ex neighbours. For me to go, this would have meant £70+ for accommodation and £30+ for a train home the following day, on top of the price of the meal, so I declined saying I was really sorry but travel etc wasn't possible. However DP is down in the same village for work and staying with a friend, so he could go. I said this in my message, and asked if it would be OK if the friend went to the meal too as it seemed rude to be staying with one person, then go out with other people and not include them (friend has met all the other ex neighbours numerous times, but not so much this couple).
Couple came back and said they would prefer for friend not to attend as they'd rather stick to people they know. Obviously this is totally fine and entirely their choice (although partner will now not go either as still think it's a bit rude / awks with other friend), but my question is WIBU to ask in the first place?

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 12/04/2023 15:39

It's a bit weird to ask if a total stranger can go in my opinion, your partner should have just declined too rather than wanting to invite a random

doris9034 · 12/04/2023 15:41

@Cigarettesaftersex1 it's not a total random stranger - they do know him, and he has been to other events with the same group previously, just less so with them as they often don't attend

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/04/2023 15:42

It was fine to ask. It would have been ok for your DH to go, as it's a one off situation. If I'd have been the friend, I would have told him to go and even if asked, declined to go. It's a shame that you couldn't have gone and both stayed in the hotel, for a catch up.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 12/04/2023 15:42

Well you said in your post that they replied with Couple came back and said they would prefer for friend not to attend as they'd rather stick to people they know

Scienceadvisory · 12/04/2023 15:45

Couldn't you have also stayed with the friend along with your partner? That would have saved the £70 accommodation.

I probably wouldn't have asked. If it's a small get together rather than a large party then it can be quite awkward to have one random there so not surprising the hosts declined.

doris9034 · 12/04/2023 15:47

@Ponoka7 it is a shame - and if I had been able to go obvs partner and I would have stayed in the hotel, therefore removing the issue entirely! However, DP needs to stay down there till end of week (hence staying with friend to reduce cost), whereas I'd need to be home tomorrow, and we don't really have £100+ spare to be spending on hotels and trains etc
@Cigarettesaftersex1 yes - because thats what was messaged back to me. I only asked because i knew they did know him - i would never have thought inviting a total random stranger would ever be acceptable!

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 15:47

The whole thing sounds odd 😬
You've moved away, and you've been invited back to say goodbye to someone else who's moving away? And your partner wanted to bring someone who didn't even live there to their goodbye party?

doris9034 · 12/04/2023 15:49

@Scienceadvisory not really - friend lives in small cottage so DP sleeps on sofa when he stays. Not really practical for 2 guests tbh. Anyway, would still have felt wrong / cheeky to stay with them purely for the purposes of being able to go out with others.
Like I said, friend is not a total random - they do know him - but I get the point

OP posts:
doris9034 · 12/04/2023 15:51

@ReadersD1gest it is a bit odd i'll admit! Friend lived about 2 mins away and had been to other things before with same group, so not like from a completely different place

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 12/04/2023 16:06

I don't think it was weird of you to ask. Nut i don't think it was weird of them to say no either.

Neither of you have been odd in my opinion. I am a "more the merrier" type of person tho.

doris9034 · 12/04/2023 16:32

@Dacadactyl exactly - we are the same! But totally understand that not everyone is like that!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread