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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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10 replies

BridgetJoness · 12/04/2023 15:31

Hello

I have been with my BF for over 1 year.

I'll be honest. I am currently going through divorce. Me and EXH were not getting on, living seperate lives, netiher of us would move out the house. We decided to give things another go, it didnt work out and I instantly regretted it. After that we were in a stalemate position as neither of us wanted to move out and leave our shared dog (!!!).

We ended up being really bitter to each other, sleeping in different bed and not being very nice to each other. Since this wasnt sustainble, nor pleasant, we ended and he moved out - the second he moved out I felt a weight had been lifted, instantly happier, nothing to get over we weren't in love or spending any time together...

I then met my current BF. I wasnt looking for anything serious, neither was I looking for a quick shag, just some male company, really. To go on some dates, that kind of fun.

When we first met, I didnt tell him about my divorce or how on / off me and husband were as I didnt think we would go anywhere.

But we did, and we are stronger than ever. I can honestly say that I really love this man with all my heart. Its real, its pure, I have never laughed so much, never had so much in common with someone... the sex is amazing, I have never had a bad day with him... maybe its the honeymoon stage, who knows but it feels pretty darn real and I have never been happier.

Me and BF become Facebook friends when we became exclusive. I asked him to not post anything of us becuase I had a complicated past with my husband and I wanted the divorce to be finalised firrst. The divorce has dragged out and in this time my BF has met family, friends and we have attended events together.

We recently went to a lovely hotel at the weekend to celebrate "1 year of knowing each other".. our official BF/GF anniversairy is summer. He made a beautiful photo collage and showed me it, he said he was going to post it on his facebook as he wanted to tell the world about me. I asked him to remove the "1 year" wording because there are people who wont know the timeline (i.e. not close friends or family) and I dont want to look like I cheated. I also dont want my EXH finding out as I dont want him to think I didnt give things a proper go because of this guy, which is not the case. The timing is shit and I know I shouldnt care what people think but I do.

New BF is now being funny with me, saying he feels like the other guy and wants to know why he cant reference "1 year". When I have told him about timelines perceptions and exh feelings he has told me he doent care about my exh feelings and neither should I as we havent done anytthing wrong. This argument has spiralled into today now and he wants to know if I have lied and if he was the other man. He really wasnt and I dont know what to do

I know it is very immature but any advice would help

Do I let him post it and dont give a toss what others thing or do I tell him to remove 1 year or is that hurtful to him?

In context, new bf is a romantic guy, and I have often said that one thing I wished my last relationship had was romance. I often felt husband didnt care. I think BF might be doing this because he is showing he cares but becuaase he is dying to show me to the word. His friends and family all live in a different country so I havent met them yet, he said this would be a good way to do that before meeting them all in a few months.

xx

OP posts:
BridgetJoness · 12/04/2023 15:34

I'm aware that was alot of info for 1 little questions, if you have read my post - thank you :)

OP posts:
bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 12/04/2023 15:53

If it were me and I were serious about the boyfriend then I'd let him post whatever makes him happy. Why should you or him consider the ex? Why would the ex even care?

Cosyblankets · 12/04/2023 15:56

Whose feelings are more important to you?

BridgetJoness · 12/04/2023 16:02

My bfs feelings are more important. I dont know part of it feels wrong because I havent signed anything offical yet for divorce (hoping to do this in a week or two as things have moved on quite a bit) however, the timeline looks messy....

am i overthinking here?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/04/2023 16:04

You are massively overthinking. You are also treating your BF very badly. You care more about the feelings of other people, than the man who you are supposed to love. Did your ex ever say that he felt second best?

Daisydu · 12/04/2023 16:14

I’d be annoyed if I was him too. You are definitely being unreasonable here. You’re putting what other people may think, before your boyfriend. Don’t do that.

TrombonesAreNotBones · 12/04/2023 16:19

Life is messy, you've found a great fellow with who you can see a fabulous future, so what if the timeline is a bit messy. Let him celebrate with one year together with you, I think it's very sweet. If anyone has a problem, they can talk to your hand.

BridgetJoness · 12/04/2023 16:25

You are 100% right, life is messy.

No my ex never felt second best. I felt second best to his hobbies and friends.

It is very sweet... never had a man make a photo collage for me never mind want to post it on social media. I guess maybe in my mind it feels messy becuase divorce hasnt yet finalised.

I havent had a bf in 12/13 years (my exh was my last) and I was very early 20s when we got together so this all feels new to me. I felt very anxious about introudcing him to family and friends... not in a bad way.. just the logisitics... "where do we go", "what will we all talk about", "will he like my family", "will they like him", "should we go out for dinner, is that awkward, or do we just go for drinks but then I dont want us getting all drunk"

I am a prisoner in my own mind!! I'll post something tonight with him, referencing 1 year, show him I am serious and sorry for making him feel rubbish.

If it were the other way around, I would be livid and probably think I was the other woman.

Thanks MN

OP posts:
Badleg85 · 12/04/2023 16:26

Yabu, why not block your ex, I don't know why you'd be friends on Facebook anyway.

Put your boyfriend first

Dixiechickonhols · 12/04/2023 16:32

Will posting make things more difficult in terms of divorce? I’ll be honest while it’s a nice gesture I don’t think I’d like it. You are a married woman and your boyfriend posting seems a bit premature.

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