To think this is not normal adult behaviour?

[PumpkinPie2016]

I'll keep this as short as I can but I am finding my sister's behaviour quite strange and possibly concerning so would appreciate any opinions or advice.

For context, she is early 30s, a few years younger than me. Married with two dc. I am also married and have one dc. Sadly, me and my sister aren't particularly close. I have posted before about her constant 'borrowing' of money from me/other family members and never paying back. I took a decision to stop lending her as it was getting ridiculous. That said, we do talk/see each other on occasion.

On good Fri, my mum did a bit of an Easter party for all the dc. Sister dropped her two off before I arrived. I got there mid afternoon and my mum said 'oh, sister mentioned she had seen you in the village shop and that you said it would be here a bit later as you had some things to do'. I hadn't been in the village shop nor seen or spoke to my sister, which I told my mum who was most confused. My mum is of sound mind and her friend, who was there, also confirmed my sister had said this.

Today, I saw our Aunt. She said sister had mentioned she had seen my son at the Easter party but that I had just dropped him off as I had a lot of marking to do - again, completely untrue! Aunt is also of sound mind so no reason she would say it if it hadn't been said.

My sister does have form for telling lies to be honest, but, it is usually tall stories to try to get money out of folk. She hasn't ever invented tales about seeing people/having conversations that haven't occurred!

Although we aren't over close, I am actually a bit concerned- this surely isn't normal behaviour! Or am I being unkind? I don't actually know how to address it - she is a very difficult character and probably wouldn't take kindly to being called out on it. May talk to our dad as he level headed and generally quite good with this sort of thing.

Or do I just leave it? I just don't want fibs being told about me, however harmless they may seem!

Could it be that on both occasions this was a "have you heard anything/talked to PumpkinPie lately?" and she was not willing/embarrased to say you two don't speak that often (perhaps leading to questions why and then them finding out she borrowed money?). Not saying it's that, but might be an explanation.

@zusje I hadn't considered that but that could be a possibility 🤔

I don’t think it’s unkind to be concerned about someone making up lies about you. It’s worrying, whatever the reason for it, and while they seem pointless and to be doing no harm now, you really can’t tell how that sort of thing might impact your life at some point.

Do you think there;s any point in confronting your sister about it? Are other members of your family aware that she’s totally untrustworthy?

I think you could innocently ask her in a jolly way if she mistook you for someone else in the village shop. She might say yes, then you say "oh wow did you two have a chat because mum/aunt mentioned [blablabla]". There's a risk of it coming across as disingenuous or fake (which it is) though so you can rate your chances

It dies sound like the sort of thing you'd say to suggest you were friendly with someone, and so banal I wouldn't expect it to be repeated to them.

I wouldn't bother saying anything unless it gets silly or reflects badly on you.

Could she be be building up to painting you in a bad light to family, as payback for cutting off her money lending stream?

I’m cynical.

I'd call her out on it, albeit to the other person, every single time. 'Oh did she, Oh I didn't see her, how strange' and move on. The others can form their own view.

I thought this when I read your OP, that she's trying to make out you're actually closer than you are so as to cover any discomfort she may feel or atmosphere she perceives to be there about the constant borrowing and failure to repay and your subsequent reluctance to lend any more.

I thought this too. She was the one that dropped her DC off and left yet she told your Aunt you dropped yours off and left as you had lots of marking to do.
I’d make sure you correct these people each time something is mentioned that’s not true/didn’t occur.

Thank you for the replies so far. I have corrected mum/aunt so far.

Part of me thinks it's odd but harmless but then another part agrees with those who question whether she is building up to something 🤔

Other family members do know she can tell fibs so at least they know she may not be telling the truth.

I think I might mention it to my Dad just in a 'I'm a bit worried about sister as she seems to be getting a bit mixed up with things, do you think she is ok/ we should be worried' and see what he says.

Interesting where peoples' minds go - I instantly started wondering about memory or cognitive issues!

Sounds like my sister. I reckon she’s playing a game

Write a list of behaviours you want changef, ie… cleaning up after herself is mandatory and must be to your standard.
Basic courtesy is required. Manners, thoughtful behaviour, respecting yours annd het brothers needs, etc. Be specific. Ie, No helping herself to YOUR food. She can use x shelf in fridge and pantry to store her own food.
Make up a contract that states very clearly that this is required if she wishes to continue staying at YOUR home.
Charge her board. If she wants your cooking, that is added to the price. (Weekly rate regardless of whether she’s home to eat t or not.)
Give her a three strikes rule and let her know that she WILL be asked to leave/ evicted if she doesn’t shape up and stick to the agreement.

If my sis was like this, I'd genuinely be like WTF you on about 😬😁

So did I. These are such unnecessary lies to tell, something might be going on and she’s getting confused OP.

Sorry OP - my phone “refreshed” and I restarted the post I was halfway though. I didn’t realize it had jumped back to the post I had been reading prior!

My guess is that your sister is a pathological liar who will say whatever she thinks will serve her best at the time.

I wouldn't waste a single moment trying to figure this out.