Hi,
Has anyone thought about ending their marriage because of other issues going on in their life? Has anyone thought they were depressed about something but realised later that the root cause was actually something else?
My husband has been diagnosed as having depression and anxiety, but is in denial about it and refusing treatment. He wants to separate and it’s completely caught me off guard. At the moment he’s focusing all his attention on a childhood trauma (small t trauma so not abuse or anything like that) which results in him raging against his mother and sometimes on various grudges he has against me about things I don’t even remember because they happened years ago when admittedly I was wrong but I was much less mature than I am now. His mother and I have done nothing to trigger him over the last year when his depression started but the thing that has happened over the last year is that he had a job title demotion and now his company are looking to terminate his employment. He doesn’t talk about this and how it makes him feel.
I spoke briefly to his brother who is psychologist to try to get some insight. He’s aware off the rages against their mother and thinks it’s psychological displacement ie a coping mechanism where his anger about his job situation is being re-directed at his mother because it’s easier to blame her then recognise he’s gone wrong somewhere (with the job). He thinks because my husband has certain narcissistic traits a job loss has wounded him more than it would wound a normal person. This is all makes complete sense when I look at the timelines and his personality. I never thought to question whether the things he is focusing on and talking about are truly the problem and it seems bizarre to me that someone could be in so much denial about the real reason they are depressed but it’s clearly an accepted psychological phenomenon.
I guess I’m left wondering now if the desire to separate could also be to do with displacement?