Is she being unreasonable? Foreign student

[Corneliafunk]

A friend has asked her visiting 16 year old French high school student to move out early and I think she has been unreasonable and wonder if I should say something? The girl is tidy but has done some annoying things (eg didn’t write a reply to a note my friend left out for her, didn’t wash and dry her breakfast dishes, just rinsed them and left them on the bench waiting instead until the dishwasher ended).
The girl adapted to school fine and made friends, but is quiet which my friend finds irritating. She replies to questions and sometimes initiates conversation, but I notice my friend often just starts talking fast to her own young kids leaving the girl out of the loop.

Her English was v average on arrival but has improved esp if you talk slowly to her.
It can be embarrassing that my friend talks a lot about how irritating the girl is as I know some of this gets back to the girl via daughters of those in our friendship group.
The girl has to now return home early, after less than half of the programme timeframe. I feel I should say something but - I guess you only want someone in your house for 5 months if you can connect with them and this connection obviously hasn’t been made. Is my friend being unreasonable?

My friend is a single parent and thinks the girl can’t relate to this situation, but she broke up with her long term boyfriend about the time the student arrived and I think this is more relevant. I am not in a position to host, otherwise I would offer.

My husband is from Europe. He had two trips to Britain and Ireland in the 90s, about 10 days each I think.

He said they gave him very out of date food. It does leave a poor impression sadly when they are treated badly.

I'm guessing your "friend" wanted some free childcare and is throwing the toys out the pram that the girl won't do it.

I grew up in the care system and it sounds fimilar to some the families I lived with where they did it, as a look how good I am but once it didn't meet their expectations they put the blame on the child and saying it didn't work out. She's still a child and she should stick it out. You live with someone things will annoy you, if she's literally not done anything that wrong she should suck it up. I can sympathize as it will be very hard for her to struck up conversation ect when she knows she's not wanted there. So no wonder there isn't this booming connection that your friend wants. The girl would of picked up on her annoyance of her and will probably be trying to stay out the way and get on with it.

Are you sure your friend wasn't being paid? These exchanges are usually organised through companies/organisations and the host family is at least paid for keep. I have a friend who was doing this to get a bit extra income.

Your friend is horrible though. I will confidently bet she doesn't speak another language. And hasn't ever lived abroad. And further still lived at home when she was 16?

The 16 year old did a brave thing by coming over for so long. No doubt she would have lots to complain about re your friend too...

If she's not already gone, maybe try and speak to her to tell her you're sad to see her go or that you're impressed with how much better her English got. Just something so she doesn't feel like a total failure due to your friend.

I also think it's highly unlikely that your friend signed up to host this girl for five months without being paid. I've never heard of such a thing. Regardless, I think it's extremely poor form of your friend to kick the girl out not even half way through the programme. It doesn't sound like the girl even did anything wrong and I would hate someone to go back to their country with a negative view of the UK. If it were me, I think I might try to talk to my friend to make her see sense and let the girl stay on, but if it's already a done deal I suppose there's no point in having the conversation.

I have heard through the grapevine that the girl’s parents have complained to the exchange organisation about her treatment and the shortened timeframe for the trip.
My friend will be marshalling people onto her side though, including her own parents who were initially nice to the student, but changed their tune as soon as my friend (their daughter) did.
I am pleased that the student’s parents have stuck up for their daughter, and I am going low to no contact myself with my former friend.
I certainly wouldn’t let her look after my teens in my absence unless I were desperate- even tho she is a high school teacher! 🤦🏼‍♀️

This has been really sad to read - poor exchange student, being effectively bullied by an adult.

My ds did a French exchange - and though much shorter than the one your ex-friend is involved in, when it came to his exchange student visiting, it was obvious how daunting she found the whole thing - it’s not easy being in a foreign country and a stranger’s house.

Your friend sounds awful!
That poor girl, bullied by a grown woman who seems jealous(?) or otherwise miserable person who regrets her own life choices.
Is your friend this bad with everyone?

Your friend sounds awful.

Could you host the girl yourself?

When I was at school this happened to an exchange student who was treated appallingly by the hosts. (Radical Christians; she wasn't one. They kept punishing her for "sins" ( wearing eye shadow, listening to pop music). She phoned home and informed her Dad; she was moved to the home and family of another girl in class and the rest of her stay was very happy.

Your friend is horrible. She has royally mucked up this girl’s educational experience because of herself.

God, as somebody who teaches English in Europe and arranges homestays for my own lovely, intelligent, polite but often shy students in the hope of getting them first hand experience of how useful English is... this is really sad to read.

Your friend sounds like a hideous person, and I do not understand why she signed up for it. All the ones I arrange, the host is paid (and vetted heavily). The poor child at the centre of this will not forget this. YANBU.

Hmm, there's something off here.

Which seems schizophrenic to me given the number of complaints made

I don't understand this. Do you know what schizophrenic is?

Your friend is awful and def not a good ambassador for Britain and the British people. Poor girl! It won't achieve anything, but I'd struggle not to say anything to her. It's possible that as soon as one person says something to her all the other friends and acquaintances will also speak their minds. Sometimes it only takes one....

If it's as you say it is your friend sounds really unpleasant.