To be sick and tired of neurodivergence being the exchse

[Easterbunny23]

My DS8 is suspected ASD/ADHD.

He is so defiant and oppositional, has been since he was a pre schooler. He has to be carefully managed at school and at home these holidays he’s been a nightmare unless we’ve been out doing fun things constantly.

He winds his little brothers up constantly. He takes forever to do anything we ask him to do if it means stopping something he’s doing. He’s rude, calls us names like “meanie”, he’s rude to grandparents, telling them he doesn’t want to come to their house with no regard for their feelings.

He can be so mature and kind, he sometimes apologises off his own back for not listening/being tricky/moaning.

It’s clear he is ND although we don’t know his exact diagnoses yet.

But I am just sick of his awful behaviour. He’s so grumpy and sullen and tries to spoil things his brothers enjoy.

I am at a loss of how to discipline him. Currently reading lots of different books - 10 Steps to a less defiant child, emotional support for your ADHD child, that sort of thing. No answers yet unfortunately.

No.

It is important to distinguish between ODD and PDA traits. They are sometimes used interchangeably which isn't helpful as there are different interventions depending on which it is.

Thank you @Familyofthem thats really helpful to get an insight from an adult. That’s definitely true for my DS - what you mention about boredom, he looks for the stimulation/dopamine hit and conflict for him is one of those. I hadn’t thought about the trapped element but that’s really insightful too, thanks.

@Familyofthem the control point really resonates with me. How do you cope when you have to do something unexpected due to external factors outside your control; road closures / fire alarm evacuations / things at work etc?